


Playing with my heart

by JammyJamFan



Category: Rizzoli & Isles
Genre: Abduction, Angst, F/F, Friendship, Horror, Revenge, Stalking, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Threats of Violence, Thriller
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2019-05-07 05:52:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 59,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14664636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JammyJamFan/pseuds/JammyJamFan
Summary: Jane finally bends down and picks up the item she had spent so many long minutes staring at and puts it carefully in an evidence bag. She stares through the clear plastic at the photo of her best friend smiling back at her. The only reason it was evidence was because the photo was covered in reddish-brown liquid, and because that photo was of the recently abducted Maura Isles. M





	1. Chapter 0ne

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own the Rizzoli and Isles characters and names, only the story is mine.

Two people, two sets of eyes, watched Jane from a distance as she stood inside the cordoned off area surrounded by yellow police tape. Two watched her from a vehicle up the road and yet they saw two completely different things.

Jane had her long raven hair in a loose ponytail, she wore a yellow teeshirt and black trousers, her usual badge and gun holster beside her phone on her waist. And she stood almost unmoving, simply staring at an object on the ground. Her expression was blank and distant and maybe a little sad. She did not sense she was being scrutinized, she did not feel the sensation of being watched, she did not look up, she was blind to anything outside the turmoil of thoughts within herself or perhaps she simply didn't care that she was being watched. A gentle breeze pulled a few stray wisps of her hair across her face and dragged the ends of her ponytail from one side of her shoulder to the other, but she didn't appear to notice. She didn't even notice the goose-bumps that popped up all over her chilled arms.

The same two sets of eyes watched as the older white-haired detective approached Jane from behind and gently placed a hand on Jane's right shoulder pulling her from her distant thoughts. They both watched as Jane, partly startled, turned to look at him over her shoulder, she attempted to smile encouragingly at him but the effort was futile. They watched his lips move as he spoke to her. They could almost read his lips as he said something like 'Don't worry Jane. We'll find her.' And they watched as many emotions crossed Jane's face because of his words. Confusion, sadness, anger, fear, uncertainty and worry. They watched as she blinked slowly before responding to him. She said a few words back. To one of those two watching, Jane looked torn. Tired, No...exhausted. Her eyes had darkish rings below them yet she stood with her usual confident stance like she might just find a way through this, with just a little help, with just one clue, one promise of hope. The other pair of eyes that watched saw that she looked defeated and broken and pained, like she was barely hanging on and might crumble any second.

And then Jane turned her face away from Korsak and again stared at something on the ground, her lips repeated the movement again but the words were for herself this time. It looked like she might have said 'I hope so'. She wrapped her arms around her middle like she was hugging her self and forced herself to look up and away from the item on the ground to stare up the apparently empty street to the north, a street with half a dozen vehicles parked on it, nothing catches her eye yet she is somehow staring straight at the car that contains the bodies that the watching eyes belong to. The eyes stare back, one suddenly hopeful and the other suddenly apprehensive. But then Jane turns her back and looks the other way completely, down the other end of the street, at more cars parked along its sides. It is early in the day and this street is always quiet until at least 3pm. Jane stares without looking, it appears like she is looking for something that she knows isn't there, like she is searching for that little something that might hold her together for just a little longer.

Then Jane looks back down at that object on the ground next to the bright yellow '3' marker placed there by CSU and rubs her fingers repeatedly over the scars on the backs of her hands.

To one of those watching Jane from a distance, she looks brave and caring, loving and afraid and mostly worried. She looks like she will never give up and will do whatever she has to. The other one watching Jane sneers slightly at the hand rubbing gesture, those eyes gleefully see a woman who is finally letting her nerves get the better of her. He see's Jane becoming distant and disturbed.

Jane closes her eyes and puts her hand over her mouth like she might be sick, her other hand goes to her hip to steady herself and she takes in a deep shaky breath.

One set of eyes looks in the direction of the other eyes and fear flickers through them followed by anger.

"Why?" Maura finally speaks, her voice cracked and weak. The other set of eyes look at her quickly and darkly, "You don't know yet?" He scoffs, his voice bright and victorious. Maura looks back at Jane and wishes she could comfort her friend somehow, reach out to her, tell her it will be ok, "No. I don't know."

Casey laughs a low cackle like everyone in the world is stupid except him, like only he can see the obvious in front of them all. He looks back at Jane his eyes squinting in hate, "Because she played with my heart."

Maura looks back at him for a moment and can't help but frown, she could not understand his conclusions. Jane had loved him, had waited years for him to do his military thing so he would come back to her. She planned to give up her career to follow him halfway around the world and be an army wife stuck on an army base not doing what she loved most in the world, she had planned to leave her family and friends behind and marry him and give him a child, all for him, everything he wanted. When Casey was injured and couldn't walk, Jane had wanted to stand by him and care for him but in his ego he had hidden his injuries from her and rejected her completely, broken her heart. He came back to town and never told her he was back. When Casey had rejected and hurt her she still forgave him and wanted to be with him. Jane had said yes to everything Casey had asked and she had not asked him to sacrifice a thing, not a damned thing. But then Jane had changed her mind, Jane had decided she couldn't give everything up for a man who put himself first and never heard her heart. And now he was somehow the victim. Had Maura not been a captive of his she would have blurted out 'How dare you', but she couldn't, she was afraid of him.

Casey turns to Maura sensing she is judging him and he growls in a low warning tone at her, "Don't look at me like that, you don't know anything."

Jane finally bends down and carefully picks up the item she had spent so many long minutes staring at and puts it carefully in a clear evidence bag. She stares through the transparent plastic at the photo of her best friend smiling back at her. It was not a specially hard to obtain photo. It was not of any unusual circumstance. It was just a printed copy of a snapshot taken in central park that had been posted to facebook and tagged 'Dr. Maura Isles'. The only reason it was evidence was because the photo was covered in reddish-brown liquid that was more red than brown, and because that photo was of the recently abducted Maura Isles. The fact that it was discovered behind 'The Dirty Robber' also added to it's significance as well as it's discovery. Korsak had put a call into a surveillance company to have security cameras set up in the back alleyway in case the person came back to leave more clues. But for now they had nothing, not a single thing to link the clues to any unsub or to find Maura.

Jane rubs her forehead with the palm of her hand and then lowers her hand till it sits on her clavicle and she squeezes. Her head drops forward and her eyes close. Casey smiles, he sees it as defeat and the corners of his lips curl into a smile. Maura sees it as an ever so slight relief from tension in her shoulder muscles, tension caused from doing everything a person shouldn't do to their body. Sitting hunched over a desk for hours on end and possibly falling asleep in that same sitting position from sheer exhaustion. Maura knew it was because of her that Jane was working herself ragged right now, she knew it was because she was a missing person. Casey had allowed her to see herself on television. News items on several channels of the missing chief medical examiner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. There had been lots of comments about Maura's father, the Boston mobster boss. And there had been footage of Jane bombarded by the paparazzi every time she comes and goes from BPD. ' _No comment_ ' she would say to every question. Maura could see the pain in Jane's eyes and had to turn away from the television. She knew in her heart Jane would dedicate every waking hour to trying to find her, whatever the cost.

The media were having a field day with the story, looking for anything to keep the people interested and watching. From articles called 'BPD looses their own people', to ones like 'BPD clueless to missing Medical Examiner'. Jane was their favourite target simple because she was Maura's best friend.

It had been two weeks and Maura was sure Casey had not sent any ransom or proof of life. He was playing a game that only he knew.

"She loved you." Maura whispers not taking her eyes off Jane.

The gun that has been pressed into her arm clicks as Casey flicks the safety off and Maura closes her eyes expecting the worst. He has the gun trained on her whenever he takes her out anywhere, he is cautious and careful, and he wears his military uniform all of the time. Maura knows this is her weakness because if anyone sees her and recognizes her they will think Casey is helping her, if they don't recognize her they would think she was in military custody.

"She does not." Casey replies his voice dripping with bitterness and anger.

* * *

...to be continued...


	2. Chapter Tw0

Hellfire hit Boston Police Department.

Hellfire had a name.

Jane Rizzoli.

She had managed to stay calm as she walked from the morgue to the elevator.

But the news, although expected, had made Jane feel like her heart had frozen. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't think.

The blood on the photograph did in fact belong to Dr. Maura Isles. It is Kent that delivers the disturbing news.

Jane had watched his mouth move.

"The blood is a match to Dr. Maura Isles."

Had it been anyone other than Kent, that had not worked with someone like Maura, they would maybe have given her this information in a more hopeful or a softer and less certain way, instead of the plain raw truth.

She stared at Kent like she was waiting for more. Her face paled considerably. Jane watched the look of concern slowly cross Kent's face because she had not responded at all to him. In the back of Jane's mind she wondered if Maura might have chuckled softly at this, the first time in Jane Rizzoli's entire life that she was rendered completely speechless.

She then reached out her arm and braced herself against the doorframe. The hardness of it helped ground her and her legs felt less like jelly. Kent had stepped closer preparing to catch her if she collapsed.

After a moment, when she could speak, she did, 'Is Maura dead?'.

Kent, in a simple act of fierce compassion, had shaken his head 'No'.

Jane knew he really meant 'We don't know, we can't know, we have no proof either way'.

_'Never assume, never guess, the facts will tell the story'_ , that was Maura's motto. There was not enough information to conclude Maura was dead, nor was there enough information to conclude she was alive. And that sickening unknown factor travelled the three floor in the elevator with Jane.

It was like her own blood had seemed to stop flowing. And the elevator dinged at her floor and her blood seemed to move again, rapidly. By the time Jane crossed the room and reached her desk, her blood seemed to be rushing through her veins at such speed that she felt like throwing up. Heat had risen from her chest to her face and all she could hear was the sounds like a fast pounding drum. _Boom-Boom-Boom-Boom._

She had to make it stop...somehow...  
and so she screamed.

And this hellfire emptied the bullpen faster than a free donuts sign. In a split second Jane hurled everything off her desk onto the floor with an echoing scream. The only thing remaining on the detectives desk when the scream ended was her computer monitor and a pencil that seemed to have escaped it's fate only momentarily before it rolled off the other side anyway. Her chair was on its back with the wheels spinning. And she stood with her hands in fists, panting, her expression changing between anger and sorrow with every expansion of her chest.

After a moment the anger seemed to loose out to a desperate sadness and Jane's forlorn look and glassy eyes made Korsak hold his breath in anticipation.

* * *

Casey proudly holds up another picture of Jane for Maura to see. His eyes sparkle in glee as he points at Jane's face, it is a look Maura has glimpsed just once, when Jane lost her cool on a suspect, but never with the intensity she sees now, standing in front of her empty desk in the BPD bullpen with a pile of items on the floor around it. Maura hadn't been aware their were security cameras in the bullpen, she didn't think anyone knew. More importantly she wondered how Casey had acquired such a thing, but fear stopped her asking him.

Maura watches as Casey pins it up on a wall amongst some of his other pictures. Pictures of Jane and Casey together during happier times. In the park, smiling, together at the ice-rink, outside the movies, at family dinner. But also pictures of Jane at the 'Dirty Robber' with her family and Maura.

Pictures of Jane eating alone in her apartment taken through the window. Jane at the gym with sweat running down her face. Jane with a coffee cup at a crime scene. Some pictures from two years prior and others more recent.

It is a definite stalker style tribute and it scares Maura deeply. How many hours she has already watched Casey, hunched over his desk studying the pictures, or altering them, admiring them. He is obsessed, insanely so.

But he allows Maura to watch him work from her spot on the couch a few meters away. It's like he is fine with Maura to see this almost vulnerable obsessive side of him for some reason, she can't quite understand, although maybe he doesn't believe there is anything wrong with what he is doing at all.

He mumbles to himself occasionally as he works meticulously studying the next photo of Jane.  
Casey's obsession is only half of what worries Maura, that he allows her to watch worries her most.  
Since she doesn't know his agenda she can only assume, and Maura assuming is in itself a dangerous thing. She immediately assumes he will not let her live. She especially doesn't believe he would allow her to watch him as well as allow her to live. He has never blindfolded her so she knows exactly where she is in Boston, she knows who he is, especially since she studied his medical records to help him with medical care five years ago around the time he dated Jane. If she somehow managed to escape he would be caught and would not go free for what he was currently doing...so she has concluded he would never ever allow her to escape...or allow her to ever tell a single soul about what he is and has been up to. Why does he let her live at all? Why make her watch Jane being tormented by him. Why have a living witness at all?

She shudders slightly. Casey, it seems, enjoys watching Jane pained as opposed to the normal psychology of a compulsive stalker, someone who wants to but can't be involved with someone that they cannot stop thinking about. And deep in the recesses of Maura's mind, she knows if he enjoys Jane's suffering, then killing Maura could be the natural final step in his plan. Maura fiddles with the ring on her finger while she watches Casey at work.  
_'Maybe he has PTSD'_ Maura thinks and frowns, _'would PTSD explain his behavior or was it some sort of psychotic break'_. The Casey she remembered might have been a jerk at times but she couldn't imagine him doing anything like this back when she knew him.  
_'Casey saw the things Jane suffered through, her showdown against a serial killer, her raw fear, her nightmares, her suffering. He once loved her enough to not want to see her suffer...to not do something like this to her now...surely.'_

She watches the back of Caseys head bobbing around, his no2 army haircut he was so attached too, there isn't much else for her to do other than let her mind dangerously rationalize her situation which only pushes her into fear and panic. Occasionally she can distract herself with a photo of Jane that she had been able to attach a sweet and positive memory to. Jane at her desk angry, she can replace with Jane, feet up on her desk, turning to look at a voice over her shoulder, and smiling softly in recognition at her friend approaching. Jane jogging, she can put herself next to her friend and remember the enjoyable times they spent together running, joking, smiling.

Maura has only about 5 feet of noisy chain length in which to move around so there is the couch she is on, a lumpy bed to the left, the bar fridge stocked with water in front of her with a blank television sitting on top of it, and the toilet to the right. Everything else, including Casey, is just out of her reach.

So she sits and waits patiently trying not to think too much.

Maura stares at the pictures Casey seems to disturbingly treasure, the most recent ones, ones since Maura disappeared. Jane at her desk at BPD surrounded by case files looking extremely exhausted, Jane in her car sitting outside Maura's house staring at the darkened windows, Jane asleep on her couch hugging a blanket in front of the muted television, Angela tightly hugging a teary Jane outside division one cafe, Jane fighting with Korsak at the dirty robber, and Jane jogging around the block alone her eyes red from crying.

Maura's stomach cramps as she feels her friends suffering combined with feeling homesick and afraid.

_How long...how long will this go on for._

* * *

Right now, Jane wants to keep screaming and stomping and smashing everything in sight like the Hulk would. She had already decked Crowe for a rude remark he made about Maura, and had then fought with both Korsak and Frankie over her unpredictable behaviour. She is reactive and angry and hurting and sick of going only around in circles but she also knows throwing things and screaming won't help. She only needs one semi-decent lead.  
Just one.

But the only clues they find are ones the unsub has intentionally left for them and the clues have them completely chasing their tails.

At Maura's house they had found an ice-pick stabbed into Maura's fancy cedar front door with no prints or DNA on it, so they went after Paddy Doyle and his crew to investigate even though they knew he would never harm his daughter, or allow her to be harmed, and he was being se-up, but they had nothing else to go on in those first few days.  
Also at Maura's house thrown over her couch were cold case files, ones that Maura worked on in her spare time at home. Jane had spent hours going through every single one looking for any clue but they were all dead ends. Most likely unrelated and possibly just a massive distraction, but they had no other leads then.  
Maura's cellphone was left inside her house and the last call had been to Hope Martin, Maura's biological mother. Hope said she received a call at her clinic but when she answered the line no one on the other end had spoken and so after a few minutes she hung up thinking it was an accidental call.  
Jane noted that all Maura's photos on her phone had been erased and oddly, Jane's number had been removed completely as well but everything else seemed the same.  
Maura's car was found near BPD with a GPS inside that had been set up with the 'home' location as 'The Dirty Robber', the place they all hung out and often had dinner and drinks. They knew there was no link between Maura and any persons there, another dead end.  
Constance, Maura's mother, had received a postcard with a smiling cartoon tortoise on the front and no writing on the back, the postmark was here in Boston, Constances address had been typed and there was nothing else they could find out about it.  
And the new evidence found, the photo covered in Maura's blood outside the same place told them nothing at this stage.

The clues clearly told Jane that whoever took Maura knew intimate details about her and her family and her friends, and they wanted everyone to know this fact.

Jane finally sat back down in her chair at her now cleared desk and put her head in her hands. What was she doing. How was she going to cope. What was next. They were at the mercy of the unsub and so was Maura. But at least her heart was beating normally again.

* * *

...to be continued...


	3. Chapter Thr33

_When Maura opened her front door at 8:23pm to a rough knocking, it had been Jane she expected to be standing in front of her, not because they had made plans, just because Jane was the only one that visited her without making plans. And she always enjoyed the unexpected visits._

_Her smile that had almost reached her ears and the hi that had already started to leave her lips, vanished instantly into thin air at the sight of Lieutenant Colonel Casey Jones on her doorstep._

_'_ _Casey?' she asked in a surprised breath, blinking. He was the very last person she expected to see stiffly standing on her front doorstep, especially since for the most part he seemed to tolerate her presence only because he knew Jane expected him too._

_Jane's ex-boyfriend in his army clothing, completely unchanged from the last time she saw him. Or was it ex-fiancé since Jane was at one time going to say yes to his marriage proposal._

_Casey had given her his trademark half smile, the one that always somehow seemed forced, and then he cleared his throat._

_'_ _Maura. Can I come in?'_

_It could have been a foreign language for the time it took for Maura to register and process his words._

_Maura nodded politely and turned into the living room for him to follow her. Her brain furiously trying to think of any reason for his visit. Was it about Jane, what else would it be about, was Jane alright?_

_Maura sensed the change in him even with her back turned, she felt the atmosphere figuratively turn darker, but it was too late for her to react once she heard her front door latch close and the click of the key turning in her lock, it was too late to change any course of action._

_He had been mostly gentle as he had tied her up with zip-ties. Not quite so gentle when he drew her blood with a syringe._

_Wearing gloves he had searched around her home carefully looking for something. He had spent some time on her phone before switching it off and leaving it. He didn't say a word, and the tape across her mouth meant she couldn't._

* * *

Jane had been given a written warning. Considering the circumstances Jane knew Cavinaugh had been gentle especially since Crowe had also wanted to press charges against her, one day she would have to ask Cavinaugh how he managed to give her such a light reprimand.

One more outburst, however, and even Cavinaugh might be unable to keep it off her permanent record. That could result in immediate suspension.

Staying calm was essential right now.

Staying calm was everything.

Maybe she should meditate or do yoga or something.

Jog.

Pray.

What would Maura do?

_'_ _Breathing exercises will help you calm down, Jane. Five breaths in and five breaths out. Like this..."_

Breathing. pffttt. That never worked before.

What would Maura say?

_'_ _Keep calm and go shopping!'_

_'_ _Not really helping Maur-. You know department stores make me antsy. Too many people.'_

_'_ _Shhhh, Jane, i'm meditating. Fighting with you is too exhausting right now.'_

It could annoy Jane as much to deal with the imaginary Maura voice in her head as the real thing right now.

Maybe her mother could help her somehow.

' _Why can't you just relax, Janie, you worry too much. I worry about you too, your job is so dangerous...you need someone to look after you...you need a husba-.'_

Nope. No way. Opposite of helpful.

Jane would have to find her own internal calming mantra.

Everyone seemed to have very unique and different sets of coping strategies. Survival kits. Ways to survive.

Jane's was more rational than people might assume especially if they looked past the swearing, phone throwing, bat swinging, suspect tackling, growling facade Jane had put up.

Jane had a certain way to 'let go' without looking vulnerable and weak.

It was something she had not shown to anyone, including Casey Jones.

She placed the pink typed notice from Cavinaugh carefully on the centre of her desk, she might even frame it yet. It needed to be where she would see it, where it would remind her that she was essentially on her last strike and she had to force her feelings below the surface, to stay calm, to stay in control, at least at work, at least around the pricks that spoke out of line about her BFF. Especially if she wanted to continue to use BPD resources and her team to find Maura.

The tough facade that hid those feelings kept her out of trouble and kept her focused on whatever was the priority. It was the one thing that separated Jane from the 'girls' label.

It kept her grounded.

Most people couldn't see past the tough facade even though Jane never hid her frustrations or fears, she just expressed them in ways that she thought would be most productive.

A fake smile and outward calmness would help her find Maura.

_Where was Maura?_

Jane had seen the way Korsak had flinched and clenched his fists at Crowes words to her, had she held back a few more seconds he would have handled it. Next time she would let him.

Jane could be cool on the outside and fire on the inside if she wanted.

Or needed to be.

Especially for Maura.

* * *

Maura did not sleep that first night as Casey's captive. The second she slept restlessly from sheer exhaustion. Each night afterwards had been only slightly easier despite the lumpy uncomfortable spring bed. It is so hard and bumpy she is sure it has been bruising her skin, but there is no point complaining. At least she isn't sleeping on the floor. At least she has a bed to sleep on. And at least Casey has kept his distance physically while she sleeps. At least he doesn't withhold food and water from her, although under normal circumstances Maura wouldn't even begin to call it food. Pre-packaged and unhealthy microwave meals, white bread, chips and sausages, all the things she would tell Jane off for eating. In terms of being locked up or held captive, she would rate this as the best she has heard of, other than the obvious worries of waking up dead of course.

Often she would wake herself up by rolling over, the sound of the chains pulling her back to reality.  
She would often wake to Casey mumbling under his breath and other times she would wake to a completely empty room, Casey away somewhere, she never knew where.  
In the silence she would worry.  
In a strange way, Maura felt that when Casey was with her, at least he wasn't somewhere hurting Jane.  
Casey had only taken Maura out with him on three occasions so far. Every time he would be spying on Jane. Every-time he had a gun. Every-time was stressful. But seeing Jane alive was wonderful and breathing in fresh air and even getting some much-needed vitamin D was definitely worth the stress she underwent.

When he took Maura out next it was dark. He dragged her by her forearm to the car and she climbed in.

Maura knew to comply and not step out of line. She knew this because Casey's behavior was of a man that had to be in control. She also knew Casey was stronger than her and his training meant she would not get the upper hand...ever.

Maura recognized the streets and signs and knew they were nearing her block, her street.  
They pulled up outside her house.  
Every house in the street was dark except hers. She could see the kitchen and dining room lights were on. She could see movement inside.

* * *

Jane wakes up in Maura's lounge on Maura's very comfortable couch, again. It takes her a minute to realize why she is here again. She sometimes sleeps here, and she pretends she is waiting here in case Maura comes back, or at least that's what she tells her Ma, but the truth is she feels the closest to sane here and her Ma is right next door in case she really looses the plot. She hasn't yet but she has felt so close at times. Every time she tries to put the pieces together she feels like it is all her fault somehow, that it's not random. It is aimed to get her attention but she can't quite see it. Whoever it is has her attention but has not indicated what they want.

And suddenly the anxiety and fear hit her so hard she reaches for her chest like its in a vice and the room starts to spin. Twice she has woken up on the floor having blacked out. And when she comes back to reality she feels a little more detached from it each time, like her grip is a little looser. So she tries to stay calm now which involves being near her mother, being near where Maura should be, and not thinking to hard. She has to hold onto reality as tightly as she can.

Remembering she is here because Maura isn't means she can't go back to sleep even though she isn't sure what woke her up. She doesn't want to lie there and think so she wanders Maura's empty house.

There is the guest bedroom at the top of the stairs on the right where Jane had slept a few times in the past. On the left is Maura's room and when Jane opens the door she can smell Maura. That sweet vanilla and jasmine scent is fainter now than it was a week ago but it is still there. That combination of perfume and hair conditioner. It's what she had smelt when she hugged Maura. Its a scent she sub-consciously associates with peace and joy. Just being in Maura's room she breathes easier. Then there is Maura's walk in wardrobe filled to overflowing with clothes and shoes and private bathroom. At the end of the hall is another small upstairs bathroom for her guests. Jane wanders back down the stairs and passes the downstairs bathroom on her right then a massive storage closet that Maura keeps all the things she buys but doesn't really need or use. Jane follows the natural flow of the house around to her left, past the foyer, past the lounge, kitchen dining, and ends up at the other end of the house. She knows the laundry and garage are on her right and on her left is Maura's home office. She had never been inside Maura's office until the search they did when Maura was first discovered missing, but that had been different, it had been work, she had been professional. She pushes the door open and finds it the same as that night. It's simply decorated and tidy and certainly not as interesting as Maura's office at the morgue. Maura's laptop sits on the centre of the desk plugged into the wall to charge. There are a few books on biology on the shelf and stacks of medical magazines. A few framed achievements on the walls. A filing cabinet in the corner with a manilla folder on top that Jane already knows contained articles written by her father, Dr Arthur Isles.

Jane pulls the leather chair away from the desk and sits in it. It is as comfortable as she expected it would be. She reaches out her fingers and carefully opens Maura's laptop. It's not password protected or locked. So typically Maura, trusting that no-one would ever break into her laptop.  
Jane stares at the screen, it feels like an invasion of her friends privacy but maybe there is something they missed during their search, she promised herself she wouldn't leave a single rock unturned so she moves past the initial discomfort.  
First she looks in the folder labelled 'personal'. It if full of articles written by Maura, some not fully completed, but all sounded like something Jane wouldn't half understand. Nothing of interest in relation to her abduction anyway.  
The next folder labelled 'work' is reports, hundreds of them all coded to match the case numbers. Cases Jane and Frankie have already looked into for any links. Jane next moves to the photo album. The first photo is of her and Maura, cheek to cheek. It is from Maura's last birthday. Jane can't look further without her chest hurting so she decides she will ask her mother to look through that folder later.  
She moves to Maura's browser and looks in her most recent history. Lots of searches of things that sound very Maura related, 'mycoplasma pneumonia', 'pharlapiscus' and 'melorheostosis'. She catches herself trying to pronounce some words as she reads out the names in her head. There are a few scientific sites and a medical site as well as several shoe shopping websites and one page called 'the ultimate birthday gifts'. Jane opens it wondering whose birthday Maura has been shopping for. Angela's birthday is the soonest, next month, her own birthday is still two months away.  
The page opens on the online shopping cart which is filled with many gifts with the word 'Jane' engraved, embroidered or written on them.  
Jane closes the laptop as well as her eyes. Her chest suddenly feels so heavy and painful again.  
She can't quite grasp the feeling but it hurts her.  
She stands up and heads towards the door, grabbing her coat on the way.

She needs to get some fresh air.

Another midnight run is in order.

* * *

...to be continued...


	4. Chapter F0ur

Jane never liked to run before. In fact she used to hate it.

She had allowed her best friend to drag her into running so they could do something together...but it wasn't really her thing.

She preferred boxing. Being able to take her frustrations out on a punching bag or just refining her skills while releasing excess energy.

She preferred softball. Swinging that bat and sending a little white ball as far from her as possible.

She preferred the gun range. Full focused and firing an entire cartridge at a little piece of paper with a target on it.

But lately she had grown accustomed to running. It was a way to think without thinking.

Instead of her thoughts being fragmented by 'right left hook duck jab' or 'no-one's looking...steal third base' or muffled bangs of her gun and wondering who was watching her.

She could calm her mind without interruption. Still herself enough to think about anything while her body was busy, distracted almost, with silently pumping blood and breathing and moving all her body parts in sync to propel her in one direction.

And Jane had found that night was the best time to run. Quiet streets. No dogs barking. No cyclists. No other joggers. No cars. She didn't even have to think about where she was going because there was no lights or traffic or pedestrians to be mindful of.

There was no noise.

Sweet silence.

Just the gentle constant dull beating of her soft shoes against the solid pavement which she felt more than heard, and the occasional scrape of a loose stone dragged across the ground under her feet.

Sometimes she thinks she hears Maura running behind her, just for a moment, an extra set of feet thudding gently almost in time with hers, but she knows no-one is there, it's just an echo, or her mind playing tricks on her.

She would wish for nothing more in her entire life if Maura did suddenly run right past her laughing that she was running too slow or joking about her running in her work clothes again. But she was alone. She could hear Maura's laugh in the back of her mind and felt her eye's sting with salty wetness.

She pushed away those thoughts and sped up a little.

The brisk air drying her eyes and caressing her skin with it's cool touch.

She was alone yet empowered.

It was the most relaxed she was able to be.

And so she would run until she couldn't run anymore.

* * *

Casey watched her with interest.

He watched as her ponytail bobbed methodically behind her and her long legs beat against the ground in front of her. A perfect stride each time, almost as if she had never been shot or stabbed or harmed in any way physically.

Her arms were pale and glistening against the moonlight as they moved propelling her further forward.

When she ran too far from his sight, he would drive a little closer, always keeping a careful distance, always with the headlights off.

And when Jane stumbled slightly on an uneven piece of asphalt, Casey leaned forward almost eagerly.

Maura wondered if he would pull out a camera if she fell. Would he put a picture on his wall of a crumpled Jane on the pavement nursing a grazed knee or twisted ankle. Would he gloat about it later, figuratively thump his chest that he caused her physical pain because he made her need to run because he had taken Maura from her.

Jane regained her balance and continued running as if nothing happened.

Maura could speculate based on her data gathered so far that Casey seemed to be trying to get Jane to completely lose control. Every time she acted out of character he would visibly gloat. And he was looking daily for any visible sign of her suffering. He was looking for a button to push, a bruise to poke.

He had gloated that Jane had almost been suspended. He had laughed at her outbursts. And he smiled at her tears.

He was no longer the man Jane had once fallen in love with.

"Haven't you punished her enough?" Maura asks when she realizes they have followed Jane over halfway in the direction of Jane's apartment.

Casey grunts his displeasure at her interrupting him.

"Jane is a good person, she helps people. She has been hurt by people so much already in her life. Please don't do this."

Casey appears to ignore her this time. Maura can't help but wonder why he even brings her. Does he want her to see Jane. What is his agenda.

Maura watches as Jane slows up at an intersection and looks both ways before crossing to the footpath on the other side. Her face glistens in sweat and she looks calm as she looks in their general direction, she doesn't look sad or upset or angry, just calm.

Casey frowns in Jane's direction, "I haven't touched her."

Maura thinks about this a moment and realizes he is right. Physically he has not yet laid a finger on Jane, so far it has all been psychological. The physical part has been what she feared on Jane's behalf because she knows her friend has always been strong enough to handle everything else. Hoyts mind-games along with everything else Jane has somehow survived. But if Casey doesn't plan on anything more than mental anguish then she may not need to worry. She doesn't want to die herself but she would rather something bad happen to her than for anything t o happen to Jane.

She feels a little braver in that moment, "Do you...um...plan too?"

Casey doesn't respond. Jane is getting further away again and Casey starts the car again and slowly drives closer towards Jane, but this time he doesn't slow down and stop. He speeds up and Maura braces herself against the seat. As Jane runs across the next intersection, Casey aims the car at her and puts his foot down.

"Stop" Maura cries out as she sees Jane getting closer and closer to the bonnet of the car.

Jane turns towards the vehicle sound at the same times as Casey blasts her with his headlights. She squints and lifts her arm to block out the light.

"Nooo" Maura cries out instinctively reaching towards the steering wheel and then changes her mind remembering she can't reach it and covers her face with her hands instead.

The car wheels squeal and the car shakes as it impacts the curb throwing Maura against the door.

Jane watches like a possum in headlights as the vehicle swerves and passes her clipping the curb and drives off into the distance. It was close to hitting her and she feels rather lucky she wasn't hit considering she didn't even move. She watches as the tail-lights shrink in the distance, until they are out of sight. She can't call it in as she didn't see a plate but she hopes the crazy or drunk driver doesn't hit anything or anyone on their way home.

She sighs and turns back in the direction of her apartment.

She needs to get home and shower and get ready for work.

* * *

Maura tried to sleep. Every time she closes her eyes she see's Jane in the bright headlights and the car racing towards her and would wake in a cold sweat feeling confused about where she was and delirious. Over and over until she stopped trying to sleep. She didn't get the answer she wanted, she didn't get an answer at all.

Did he plan to hurt Jane physically or not.

Was he trying to scare Jane...or Maura...

Maura had managed to add a few more possible outcomes to this entire situation...none of them where good...none where satisfactory. Weighing it all up, taking into account everything she knew, there was a high probability that Casey would kill them both in the end.

She sits up looks at Casey who is watching something on the muted television.

"Why are you doing this to her. She never did anything like this to you. She never hurt you."

Casey grumbles something under his breath, Maura has never seen him sleep and he looks bored, bored enough to take an interest in Maura.

He stands and pushes his seat closer to her and sits down again.

"Let me show you." he finally growls his face annoyed, likely annoyed at her disbelief of his reasoning.

He turns to the laptop and pulls up a video recording.

It is of Jane's bedroom in her old apartment. The framing of the camera is setup on Jane's side of the bed and she looks asleep and somewhat tangled in blankets, the other side of the bed is empty. Casey glances at Maura and then presses the play button and sits back folding his arms to watch.

Jane has her eyes closed and is moving around uncomfortably and Maura instantly can tell she is in the beginning stages of a nightmare. Jane rolls back and forth and tries to untangle her arms from the linen and she moans loudly a few times. Her breathing becomes erratic and then her legs start kicking around like she is drowning in a pool and she cries out 'Noooo' twice in a pained voice. Casey in only his boxers rushes into the frame and climbs into bed behind Jane placing his hand on her arm and her eyes snap open.  
"Are you ok" the video version of Casey asks Jane softly. Jane gasps and then calms down quickly and takes in her surroundings, where she is and who she is with, before replying 'Yeah, I'm fine' gruffly and then rolls onto her side so her back is facing Casey. Casey slides under the covers beside her and reaches over to stroke Jane's arm and she scowls her face up but doesn't pull away. Had the camera not been facing Jane then no-one would know how she felt in that moment except Jane. Casey continues to stoke her arm softly to try to help her relax "Want to talk about it?' he asks. Jane clenches her teeth together and stiffens her body. Then she lets out a sigh and growls under her breath 'No, I'm fine.' Casey doesn't remove his hand and Jane's annoyed look deepens. After a moment she purposely alters her breathing so it sounds like she has fallen asleep and then pretends to shift in her sleep so Caseys arm slips away from her. Her eyes are still open as she faces the wall and camera, her back to Casey, and even Maura can see in Jane's face that she is incredibly unhappy, almost angry. If one were to psycho-analyses it they may conclude that Jane does not want Casey to touch her in that moment, but Maura can tell that Jane was actually wishing Casey wasn't anywhere near her. It is possible Casey realized it as well when he played this video. Jane continues to stare at the wall her brow furrowed, until Casey switches off the bedside lamp and the room in plunged into darkness.

"See?" Casey asks Maura as he points at the black screen, "You see that? She pretended she wanted me but she didn't. She played me along. Just to get what she wanted. You can see it in her face...And I have more videos like it."

Maura looks into his eyes but doesn't see hurt or anger, she see's something resembling justification.

"You filmed her?"

Did Casey suspect even back then that Jane had doubts about them, did he sense her confusion.

Casey does not respond to what Maura feels is a violation of Jane's privacy.

"She looked upset, Casey. You know what PTSD is like. You have worked with PTSD victims. Why jump straight to a conclusion like that about it?"

Casey scoffs, "Of course you'd defend her, make excuses for her. You're her best friend. She spent more time with you than me."

"You were away Casey." Maura says slowly trying to help him see the whole picture.

"Jane told me about the high school reunion. That you told everyone you were together, a couple."

Maura looks down at her hands feeling a blush creep up her neck, "That was all pretend, because of Giovani was hitting on me."

Casey shakes his head firmly, no, "I know about that FBI agent too."

"You were away...and Dean...he...well...Jane...Jane didn't love him."

Casey says the next part through gritted teeth, "She choose her family and you over me."

Maura realizes she doesn't have a response to that, Jane did choose family and friends over Casey, but then Casey had been selfish in running off to the military again the moment he was walking again, after she waited for him yet again.

He had expecting her to drop everything and follow him.

"She even wanted you to help her raise the baby instead of me." His face is dark and his eyes almost black.

Maura feels her jaw drop, she hadn't really seen it like that. From his perspective...however slightly screwed.

"She didn't even call me to tell me she lost the baby. She sent an email." He growls

"Casey, losing that baby broke her. She was crushed. She couldn't talk about it to anyone."

He sneers at Maura. "I was just someone for her to 'do' when she was lonely. She took what she wanted from me and she made me think I was important to her but I wasn't. She let me think it. I bet she shared with you all about me too didn't she."

"No...no she didn't. I do know she really loved you Casey. But you were never around for her. How could she commit to someone who was away all the time and she feared might never come back."

"You're as crazy as she is," Casey growls, "I had to go and she knew it. It was my job. She was fine with that. It suited her to only have me around when she wanted me anyway. She didn't love me. She used me. She played me. I wanted her and she didn't want me."

"You wanted her _and_ your job, but you wouldn't sacrifice anything if you couldn't have both. She wasn't _playing_ you."

"Shut up." He growls angrily

Maura thinks back to her conversations she had with Jane about Casey. She would never tell Casey, but Jane had indicated she liked Casey when he was away more than when he was in Boston but it came across to Maura that Jane was afraid. It appeared that he stifled her and decided her life for her one minute and then rejected her the next. Jane was looking for love, the problem was that Casey couldn't give Jane the love she needed. Maura had decided he didn't deserve Jane, but then she hadn't met anyone that in her mind even came close ting deserve Jane.

Either way Jane never ever intended to hurt him and he couldn't see that. He couldn't see that he had already hurt Jane repeatedly over the years. Was he really that narcissistic?

"You have hurt Jane so many times." Maura finally tries to softly balance the scales, help him see the truth, perspective, expose the lies.

"Shut up." Is the response she receives. "She broke me and now she gets what's coming to her."

But Maura can't shut up, she is frustrated, tired and angry, "Did you know there were times she thought you were dead. You LET her think that. You were back in Boston for months before she found out you were back, and how did she find out you were back as well as alive? She walked into an office and there you were, sitting there behind a desk. She was so shocked. Then you lied to her about your injury. You rejected her. You didn't see her after that. You didn't see her crying because she had laid herself bare before you and you said no to her. Your injury didn't change anything for her. And then you recover and want to marry her and expect her to just drop everything for you, when you want. You played with _her_ heart back then Casey. You're being a hypocri-"

The back of his hand across her mouth stops her speaking and she places her hand over her stinging cheek and lip. She tastes blood and her tongue finds the cut inside her mouth where her tooth pierced her lip. It will heal but there will be swelling

Casey leans down so their faces are inches apart, "I am the victim here." Casey spits out, "Not her. She left me, she took my baby away, she used me. And I will balance the scales as I see fit."

* * *

...to be continued...


	5. Chapter F1v3

M _aura opened the door to a messy haired and glassy eyed Jane in the wee hours of the morning.  
_

_"_ _Jane. Are you ok?"  
  
_ _Jane nods. She makes her way inside and she sits down on Maura's couch awkwardly.  
  
_ _"_ _Where is Casey?"  
  
_ _"_ _At my place." Jane says softly and slightly croakily, "In my bed."_

_Maura sits down beside Jane and quietly waits until Jane is ready to talk. Jane leans back against Maura as if it's the most natural thing in the world and sighs as Maura puts her arms around Jane to hold her. Maura tries to recall when Jane ever displayed such vulnerability before and she tries to rationalize in her mind what has caused this change in her friends behaviour._

_"_ _Hoyt" Jane whispers and shivers slightly as the dream images come back to her. Maura tightens her grip around her friend pulling her closer.  
_ _"_ _He is dead Jane. It was a nightmare."  
  
_ _"_ _Why do I still see him?"_

_Maura rubs her arm gently and kisses the messy curls on the top of her head. The only recent emotional and/or environment change in Jane's life is that Casey is back in Boston. He has been at Jane's apartment for almost a week._

_"_ _Maura?"  
  
_ _"_ _Mmmmm?"  
  
_ _"_ _Don't let go."_

* * *

In the middle of another seemingly unproductive day, when all the loose ends in the search for Maura turn into dead ends, Jane walks out of the BPD elevator towards the exit and see's a familiar face on the other side walking towards the doors. She recognizes him immediately by his camouflage army outfit and his smile.

_Casey_.

She places her arm across her stomach as she watches him. He reaches out his arm to pull the BPD doors open. She hasn't seen him in so long. She hasn't seen him since he was called back to Afghanistan, since they decided marriage wasn't right for them, since before she lost their baby.

He looks exactly the same.

He smiles at her and she can't help but return it. His smile always affected her, gave her butterflies, hope, she felt wanted.

There is the slightest limp in his gait, the only indicator of a war injury.

All their past problems seem so silly and small in comparison to what she has been going through these last few weeks.

Everything in her past pales to how she feels now...even what happened with Hoyt.

And she is hoping Casey will understand what she is going through, he was always understanding, maybe he can help her.

He steps into her personal space without her permission and put his arms completely around her and she accepts it.

"I came as soon as I could." His accent is stronger than she remembers it to be.

Jane leans into him almost like she used too. She remembers his strength and how it made her feel. She shivers slightly as the emotions roll through her tired body.

"Thank you, Casey."

* * *

Maura is alone again.

She looks down at the shackle around her ankle. It is loose enough to allow airflow through and not do damage to her skin and there is only the slightest amount of red skin where the base of the shackle has rubbed against her malleolus when she moves, whish isn't that often.

The metal is mostly dull and old except for a small spot of shiny new silver between the shackle and the welded chain that she has been trying to cut through whenever Casey is away. So far she has only made a 1mm groove in the 13mm steel joint on the weld point. The weld has made the metal harder to penetrate but the location is the least obvious location and the greatest natural groove.

She used a spring out of the bed to start with and then found the sharp edge of the butter knife was more effective and the more she rubbed the steel, the sharper it seemed to get.

Her fingers would cramp out every few minutes but she had persisted. Beyond the shackle and chain was a steel door that was dead-bolted on the outside. Beyond that a garage that required a keycard entry and exit.

But it didn't matter, it was a distraction both mentally and physically, it felt like she was doing something however small and insignificant to fight against her bondage.

Ironically she felt empowered and she chose not to rationalize it because the feeling of powerlessness was not pleasant.

It might take her months or even years to cut her way out but there was nothing else to do and her mind was going crazy with no input and no one to talk to.

She couldn't just sit there and wait.

She had never been that patient.

She untucked the butter-knife from under the bed and started to rub in against the shiny spot, over and over and over again.

* * *

Casey tightens his grip and smells her scent. He remembers too, how she used to say she loved him and needed him. He holds her a little too tightly and for a little too long causing Jane to pull away and search his face for his intentions. He raises his eyebrow and gives her a half smile, "Sorry, It's just been so long."

Jane has been off lately, so her mind ignores his behavior, maybe she was picking up something that wasn't even there. Imagining things anyway.

"Thank you for coming, Casey. God I'm going through hell here."

Casey puts his hand on her shoulder gently "What can I do to help Jane?"

Jane rubs her hands together and remembers Casey saying that exact line several years back when her brother was trapped in a collapsing building. It was right after she found out Casey might never walk again. She remembered how long it took for him to get from the booth to the exit that night. She had realized then that his strength had failed him and that's why he wouldn't let her help. His strength was what she needed and he knew it, and he didn't have it, so he hid that from her. Pretended he was ok at first, and then that he could still be the man he was despite it. They both knew he would never be who he was and Jane had felt both angry and sad. Then Casey found out he was misdiagnosed and with surgery would be fine. But that weakness he had carried had still hung between them. He was no longer the strength she thought she needed even if he was strong again. Jane had assumed that was why he never came to see her after she lost their baby. Maura had been her strength then, and she realized that Casey's strength had never done anything for her more than the illusion of having someone to look after her...the thing her mother continued to push on her. His strength she had been promised but never seen. And his momentary physical weakness had caused his pride to double to balance it out. His ego had caused the pain which caused a rift.  
And here he was now, physically as if nothing had happened to him, but she knew she didn't need him, she never really had.  
She also knew she hadn't been herself around him, and if she had chosen to marry him, she wouldn't have been true to herself.

She sighs, "Nothing. But it is really nice to see you again."

She looks around at the reporters still milling just outside the door waiting for her to emerge, she doesn't want to leave just yet, she can't face all that right now. She gets lost in her thoughts for a moment, remembering how the reporters portrayed Maura, portrayed her.

Casey senses her hesitation and studies her face, he see's the anxiety and he hides the pleasure he feels inside. Could he make her go outside and walk past them all to her car if he wanted? Would he enjoy watching her hold her head down and avoid their questions and eye contact like he had watched her do so many times on the television or from across the road in his car. If he offered to walk her to her car she wouldn't refuse...but he doesn't, short term gain wouldn't give him what he wanted long term.

"Coffee?" He offers pointing behind them towards division one cafe.

"Thanks." Jane smiles with genuine relief as she comes back to the present.

"Charles." Angela says with a grunt as she serves them both coffee but gives Casey an unhappy look. Jane shoots her mother a sharp warning, "Ma".

"Thank you Ms Rizzoli." Casey says cooly to her departing frame.

There is an awkward pause as they both sip their coffee avoiding direct eye contact.

"So how have you been?" Jane asks only feigning interest.

"Fine." Casey replies turning his cup in a circle on the saucer, "You?"

Jane nods which is followed by another awkward silence. They both know she isn't fine.

"Any suspects yet?" Casey looks up at her now, his shy facade suddenly gone.

Jane continues to stare into her cup, watching the foam slowly rotate around the top.

All the news reports had said BPD had no suspects, no clues and no persons of interest...because they didn't.

"No" she responds simply. Keeping her composure in check was becoming easier everyday when she was in the public eye.

Casey's eyes flicker slightly and Jane catches it, "Have you heard anything?" She asks suddenly. Casey knows people, informants, guys on the streets, people trust him.

Casey watches that mix of hope and fear cross Jane's eyes. He watches as she worries her lower lip between her teeth.

"Not really." He replies holding in a smile.

Jane raises her eyebrows slightly.

Disbelief.

"Not really..." She repeats. "What is that supposed to mean?" Her voice breaks a little.

Casey clears his throat, "I...just came to check on you."

"On me?" Jane growls softly keeping her brink of anger tone at a low level so no-one can hear, "You heard something about me?"

Casey watches the anger break through the fear and wonders if he could cause her to have a melt-down right here in front of her mother and all her co-workers.

He holds up his hands in surrender, "Don't get angry Jane. I just thought you might need some support."

"Like Hell!" Jane says loud enough to get the attention of half a dozen patrons and her Ma, then with a shaky breath out she lowers her voice to just above a whisper, "Like hell Casey. What did you hear and who told you?"

Casey reaches over and places his hand over Jane's clenched one, it is only condescending because his face is sympathetic like she is a small upset child just trying to be understood. But she holds her feelings in.

"I heard you were having a hard time with this, but it's completely understandable, considering."

"Considering what Casey, that my best friend is missing and no one knows where she is or why she was taken or what is happening to her? Considering that?"

"Yes" Casey says so calmly Jane wonders where the sympathy went.

"Did you come because you thought I needed you or because it was your earliest convenience to offer support?"

For the first time since arriving Casey looks surprised by Jane's sudden calmness, "I...came...to see if you needed anything."

Jane wants to ask what he could possibly offer but knows it would be a hurtful thing to say.

"I need Maura back."

Casey reaches towards her hand and squeezes gently. It's enough comfort that in Jane's daily emotional rollercoaster, she has to control her tears.

"I think she might be dead, Casey."

How does she know Maura is alive, how does she know the clues aren't a distraction so she will merely think Maura is still alive. Who takes someone and demands nothing. Nobody does that. Ever.

"You don't know that Jane."

"I know." She runs her hand through her hair, "Will you tell me if you hear anything?"

"You'll be the first to know."

* * *

...to be continued...


	6. Chapter s1x

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: POSSIBLE TRIGGERS (threats of Non-con/rape)

 

 

_"_ _Maura, I had a bad dream last night."_

_"_ _About Hoyt?"_

_"_ _No."_

_"_ _Do you want to talk about it, Jane?"_

_"_ _Not really..."_

_Maura raises her eyebrows and Jane drops her gaze to the counter and sighs, "I dreamt I moved to Afghanistan with Casey and we got married. He became a General and got everything he ever wanted. The wife, the kids, the career."_

_"_ _Mmmmhmmm." Maura says to indicate she is still listening keeping any internal disappointment hidden._

_"_ _And I came back to Boston to visit everyone for Christmas. But you were all gone."_

_"_ _Gone. What do you mean?"_

_"_ _Ma, Frankie, Korsak, Nina...you...everyone...all gone, vanished, like you had never been in Boston. It was like an alternate life where everything had changed. Nothing was the same...and I wandered BPD and the morgue but no one I knew was there. A very grumpy old couple lived in your house. And Frankies apartment was full of exchange students. I spent Christmas in Boston alone. Do you think that it means something?"_

_"_ _I do, Jane."_

_"_ _What. What does it mean?"_

_"_ _Well-I don't know exactly...but dreams are often the subconscious mind trying to tell the conscious mind something important. So it definitely means something."_

_"_ _Maura" Jane sighs her annoyance and rubs her face._

_"_ _Well, maybe it means you feel you will loose everything you care about if you marry Casey and leave your home."_

_"_ _But that won't really happen...I won't loose you. Right?"_

_"_ _True, you won't loose any of us. It was just a dream."_

_Jane reaches out and takes Maura's hand rubbing her thumb across the back in thought, "When I woke up, Casey was there. And I thought...I felt...he couldn't take my fears away from me...because I am afraid of loosing myself because of him."_

_"_ _I think you just interpreted your own dream Jane."_

_Jane squeezes Maura's hand gently, "He tried to comfort me and everything, he was really sweet, and it should have been nice...but...it felt so confused, and I wanted to call everyone and check you were all still in Boston...without Casey thinking I was insane."_

_"_ _That would have seemed a little strange."_

_"_ _I know they are just feelings, but it felt like he was forcing me away from what I care about by giving me an ultimatum. I wanted to run away from him. And he isn't enough alone...I need my family. He couldn't comfort me the way you all do. They way you can."_

_Maura squeezes Jane's hand back comfortingly and gives her a soft reassuring smile. She secretly hopes Jane will stay._

_"_ _What are you going to do Jane?"_

_"_ _I don't know. Part of me loves him...I really do. But I don't want to end up resenting him later because of my own choices. I can't be me and be his too."_

_Jane pulls away from Maura's comfort and straightens up._

_"_ _Maur, I don't think I can give up the things that matter to me...I don't think I want too."_

* * *

Casey comes back more agitated than when he left. Maura stays quiet. She doesn't want to agitate him further nor does she want her fat lip to be further injured. He paces back and forth mumbling to himself but Maura can't make out any complete words.

Maura lowers her head and focuses on a patch of carpet on the floor. She wishes she could be invisible because she has what Jane would call a 'gut feeling' that this situation is going to get very bad.

Suddenly Casey sits down in his chair and puts his head in his hands and sighs.

Suddenly he is calm and the agitation is gone.

His breathing evens out. His pupils return to a normal size.

He picks up a cellphone off the table and stares at it for a moment.

The pad of his thumb caresses the little buttons. Bottom to top. Repeat.

And then he looks up at Maura. His eyes are steely and she can't quite read his expression.

She can only tell he is determined, he had made up his mind about something.

"I met with Jane today." It's almost a whisper. Casey looks back at the phone. Maura feels her mouth open in surprise.

"I made a mistake." He breathes out through his teeth.

Maura studies him, again trying to understand when she lacks half the puzzle. Her heart feels like it speeds up and slows down all at once.

"Is she ok?"

' _Please don't tell me she is dead.'_

He looks up at her but she can't read him. Can't read the expression on his face. He hides things so well...too well.

"We talked."

Casey begins to press some buttons on the phone and then holds it out to Maura.

She takes it cautiously and presses it gently to her ear, never taking her eyes off Casey. He doesn't take his eye's off her either.

It rings twice before being answered, "Rizzoli."

"Jane..." Maura breathes, relief floods her at the voice of her best friend on the other end of the phone. "...It's so good to hear your voice."

Maura stopped thinking logically, maybe it's the change of chemicals in her system as her cortisol levels drop dramatically or maybe it's that Jane's voice confirms she is alive, but it definitely has something to do with the fact that she began with an assumption.

"Maura. Jeez. Are you ok?" Maura smiles at Jane's tone which is filled with worry and hope and relief. She feels loved because of the way Jane asks, like a parent who is mostly angry they had to worry at all and at the same time relieved to hear their name from your lips again. That familiar little flicker of emotion in the last infliction that says 'I care more than words can say' and that gentleness that sounds like home.

She smiles because it she feels closer to being safe than she has in a long time.

The husky voice cracks though the line again, the broken pitch making it obvious that panic beginning to rise, "Where the heck are you?"

"I'm not hurt. Jane. I'm-"

The line goes dead.

"No" She cries out angrily pulling it away from her ear to see what happened.

Jane is gone.

"Why" She screams and struggles as Casey forcibly yanks the phone out of her hands.

She looks into his face which is hard and resolute. It holds no compassion. He looks like all the worst guys in prison mugshot photo's she has to see.

Reality hits her and she whimpers. She had been mistaken, she had jumped to an assumption. She had assumed Casey Jones, after talking to Jane, had had a change of heart. She assumed he was going to let her go. She assumed he had, or intended to, made things right with Jane before it went too far.

"Crap" She swears as she watches Casey pull the battery out of the phone and toss it onto the desk.

She remembers why one should never assume.

She could easily have yelled out her location or that it was Casey that had her.

And now it's too late. She had missed her moment.

_"_ _Maura. Where are you?"_

She can still hear Jane's last words. Questions unanswered. Responses Jane needed to hear to find her.

She tries to hold back her tears.

Casey is right in front of her watching her for this reaction and so she closes her eyes, she can't look at him anymore. Her heart misses a beat as the proximity between them decreases. He is far too close, she can feel it..

Casey breathes on her face heavily and her hair is moved by the strength of it.

"What do they call that again Doctor?...proof of life?"

Maura swallows the lump in her throat, she doesn't need to answer.

He leans closer and Maura backs herself further into the back of the couch, her heart is racing now.

"She will find your body one day." He grunts, "Who do you think will perform your autopsy?"

He smiles as he watches Maura's reaction. He see's the defeat in her eyes now. Defeat by his words, defeat because she let Jane down, let herself down. Didn't use that big brain of hers.

Defeat because she can't win.

* * *

"We can't trace the call because the phone is off." Frankie feels like he's yelling now. He has said the same thing three times now.

Jane growls, "Then find out where it was brought. Who brought it. When. Anything."

"We are trying Jane. But you need to remember it was a burner phone."

Jane sits down at the desk and puts her forehead down on it.

Nina who has been quiet up till now just observing finally speaks, "Maura wouldn't use a burner phone and turn it off after talking to Jane."

"Maybe she was a spy in another life." Frankie is only half joking. The whole mobsters daughter has already been thrown around the drawing board before being trashed.

Korsak enters the room, "What did she say Jane?"

Jane sighs heavily and rocks back in the chair to stare at the ceiling "Nothing helpful Korsak."

What was she missing.

"She did sound relieved."

Korsak looks at Frankie then back at Jane "Relieved?"

"Yeah. Like she was happy that I was alright. She said it was good to hear my voice. I asked if she was okay and she said she wasn't hurt...which doesn't mean she was alright. Then the call ended."

"At least we know she is alive." Frankie says then twists his hands together nervously, hoping Jane won't scream at him for his absurd and unhelpful comment.

"If she is someone's captive then they would have told her what she couldn't say." Korsak quickly adds, he had lots of experience working in the hostage division for six months back in the day.

"You'd think she would give me a clue." Jane groans sadly.

"Often that's not possible. Who knows what or who they are threatening to control her." Korsak puts his hand on Jane's shoulder.

"She called _me_..." Jane says her voice weak, "My number was the only one missing from her own phone. That isn't coincidence. They are telling me something, trying to get my attention. Why me?"

* * *

"Who ever is doing this...for whatever reason. You have my attention. What do you want? Just tell me what you want, damn it?"

It is the first time Jane has spoken to the media since Maura was taken. Korsak stands behind her on her left and Frankie on her right, both are watching Jane. Maura can hear the exhaustion in Jane's voice. Jane tries to hold back all her emotions but Maura can see it in her eyes and hear it in her voice. At the end of her comment Jane turns her back to the camera and just for a moment before the footage ends, Frankie puts his hand on her shoulder and she shudders under his touch.

Casey plays the television footage back several times and every time it hurts Maura's heart just a little bit more. Like a knife is being pushed in just a little deeper.

Casey looks over at Maura and smiles his smug victorious smile. Maura tries to give him the death stare but knows it will have no effect even if he noticed.

"She is breaking." He gloats with too much glee.

Maura want's to tell him no one has every broken Jane Rizzoli but she fears he will try harder if he thinks she iis strong enough to get through this.

"I'm trying to decide what to do next..." Casey says as he continues to smile at Maura and then he looks her up and down slowly pausing on her breasts. Maura doesn't like the look in his eyes, up till now he had given her all the personal space she needed and never looked at her with this intent. Casey watches Maura squirm under his gaze. He is getting a thrill out of the power he has over her. Then he puts his hands on her shoulders and pushes her backwards pinning her shoulders against the couch and holds her until she stops struggling.

"Do you think it would break Jane more if you were raped before you died. Or do you think it wouldn't make much difference?"

Maura whimpers

"Please don't Casey."

* * *

...to be continued...


	7. Chapter S3v3n

"Rizzoli" Jane answered her phone, her morning voice croaky and sounding very little like herself. She had fallen asleep at her desk again about half-way through over 226 hotline calls following her television appearance.

She rubbed her eyes and face with the palm of her hand trying to wake herself up.

**_"South-east corner of Bunker Hill Monument Square, Charlestown."_ **

Jane listens to the dispatcher and glances at the clock on her computer. 5:45am.

**"Woman's body was found thirty minutes ago by a jogger. Blonde, Caucasian, late-30's..."**

Jane failed to take her next breath.

She swallowed involuntarily.

_Not Maura, can't be. God why?_

Her limbs froze, while her heart sped up. She couldn't move. She wasn't sure she was breathing.

_Please God don't let it be Maura._

_Please._

**"You there Rizzoli?"**

_Breath Jane._

_Fuck._

_I failed. I failed. Fuck._

_No. It's not her._

_But they called me._

_Fuck._

Her phone was still pressed to her ear but she was busy trying to fight the conclusions her brain was making to hear dispatch requesting a response.

_It can't be her._

_Go find out, face it, waiting won't change anything, only delay the inevitable._

_Breath._

_Say something._

_Move._

Beads of sweat started to form on her neck and chest from the internal stress alone.

_Fuck._

_Fuck._

_Fuck._

**"Rizzoli?"** The voice sounded annoyed now

_Jane focus. Get up, respond anything._

_You can't run from this._

_Better you see for yourself than have to wait to be told._

_Just go, Jane._

In this moment, she hated her job. All her worst fears in the world collided at once. This moment could change her career forever.

This moment she wished the ground would swallow her whole.

She managed to blink. She managed to take a shallow shaky breath.

_Come on Jane you can do this, you have to...for Maura._

"I-I'm on my way." Jane finally grunts through gritted teeth.

* * *

Casey had leaned forward just staring at her.

Maura stopped fighting.

She froze.

Her heart pounded double-time against her ribs. And the blood drained from her face.

What was he going to do next.

His eyes moved from her fearful eyes to her neck and he stared at her chest, at the necklace Maura wore. It was her scrimshaw in a gold setting. It was her mothers once, now it was hers.

Maura wanted to reach up and clasp it. Keep it from his view. But his weight on her shoulders and fear held her still.

Casey's eyes flickered up to Maura's and he smiled that smile Maura was becoming used too. That smirk that made her stomach sink.

He looked back down and removed his hand from her shoulder.

He reached his open hand towards her neck and paused centimeters from her throat.

* * *

When Jane arrived, the Crime Scene Unit was already there.

Sniffer dogs were roaming the park with their handlers.

The medical examiner's van had just pulled up and the temporary M.E. and his assistant were getting out.

Korsak was standing with his back towards her looking warily towards the bushes rubbing the back of his neck.

Jane slammed her car door and started to walk towards Korsak, but her stride changed to a sprint as she drew closer. Her heart was racing.

She ducked the tape ignoring the officer asking her name. She didn't hear him.

She could already see a pale leg and boot beneath the bush.

Korsak heard her coming up towards the scene, he turned and stepped in her path. Jane tried to pass him barely even seeing him, but he caught her arm tightly managing to slow her down and stop her contaminating the scene by falling right onto it.

She gasps when she sees the body.

It was definitely a blonde woman but the face was beyond recognition. Burnt maybe. She was a mess. Unrecognizable.

Korsak holds his grip on her arms, "Jane, don't look. Just wait. Wait for the M.E. to tell us."

Korsak wondered who had screwed up and called Jane in on this case. Jane had been only working Maura's case...that was the way Cavanaugh wanted it...that was what was best for them all. Mostly because she was too distracted to focus on anything else but that would drive herself crazy if he had sent her home.

Korsak knew that from the details he got on the phone from dispatch, that Jane would have heard the same thing and thought it might be Maura.

He wished he could tell her it wasn't Maura...but he didn't know yet.

On drive over to the scene he had thought about how he would tell Jane if the body did belong to Maura.

Jane put her hands over her mouth and turned away.

"It might not be Maura." Korsak said his voice had some hope in it turning Jane to face him. "This looks like..." It was hard to tell what it looked like. Disfigured was the only word that came to mind. "It is not...we don't know...Jane don't...just wait..."

Jane forced herself to look back at the body, she needed to know. Blonde. Definitely a woman. Age was a guess in her books. The victim wore a black skirt and a once white blouse that was brown and melted around the collar. Fancy looking zip up boots. No visible tattoos or piercings. No visible cause of death from where she stood except the burning to the face and arms. Jane stood stiffly, held in place by Korsak, as the new Medical examiner squatted over the body looking for evidence.

After a few minutes the M.E. pulled the blouse open to check the trachea for damage and that was when Jane spotted it, a shiny white and gold necklace poking out from the collar. It had a scrimshaw on it, she knew this because Maura had showed this exact necklace to her, then it had helped them solve a case regarding Maura's own father.

"That necklace is M-Maura's" Jane choked out making fearful eye contact with Korsak who turned to see what Jane was talking about.

* * *

_Jane takes the pendant Maura hands to her  
_ _"_ _Wow a scrimshaw. It's really pretty. I think that's real whale bone."  
_ _"_ _It's a family heirloom. Hope gave it to Kaitlin on her 18th birthday." Maura reads the letter written by her half-sister.  
_ _"_ _Well that was really sweet of her to give it to you."  
_ _Maura reads further and covers her mouth.  
_ _"_ _Or not?" Jane adds  
_ _"_ _It was a gift to Hope on her 18th birthday."  
_ _"_ _Who gave it to her?"  
_ _Maura turns to Jane, "A man who is about to go on trial for 15 murders. My father, Paddy Doyle."_

* * *

"It's her's Korsak. Fuck."

Korsak holds her as her legs start to give way.

"Don't jump to conclusions Jane."

* * *

_Jane watches Hope's reaction as she see's that Maura is wearing the necklace. Her eye's are surprised as her gaze is locked on it. Jane looks between Mother and daughter and necklace.  
_ _Hope finds her voice, "Where did u get that..necklace?"  
_ _Maura places her hand over it causing Hope to look back up at Maura, "I'm sorry...I thought you knew Kaitlin gave it to me."  
_ _"_ _Oh of course, I'm sorry." Hope looks away.  
_ _Jane looks at Maura, their eyes meet each other, they are both surprised by Hope's reaction._

* * *

Casey watches from his car on the other side of the park hidden in the shadows creating by the buildings behind him. He had chosen this spot because it had the best view of the area without him standing out and being seen. Also the park boundary has plenty of trees to obscure him while he could get the perfect shot between the oak trees.

He had a view of Jane from directly in front of him.

He had his camera and long lens resting on the open window frame to reduce any movement or vibrations, he wanted these shots to be amazing. He could almost feel the stress and panic coming through the lens from Jane.

She looked physically sick. She looked exactly how he expected Jane to look.

He smiled.

First she was tired, that had been the first step, Jane's judgement had always been less cognitive when she was tired. She wouldn't even look for anyone watching, she wouldn't expect him.

Then the clues that meant nothing to keep her on edge.

Then the gaps of prolonged silence and distance, no word of Maura or from Maura. He knew those had the worst affect on her because there was nothing she could do but wait and worry.

Then that beautiful call from Maura to Jane so she would know Maura was alive. That gave her hope and also confused her.

He had almost forgotten that play, it was Jane indicating she thought Maura was dead that reminded him that he needed that part so that this death would be that much more painful for her.

It was like Jane's personal hell week. It was the psychological warfare he had been trained how to use on their enemies, foreign or otherwise.

It was a cruel and perfect, and Maura's innocence had made it that much more perfect. He had expected Maura to scream that it was him...then he would take the phone and make Jane beg to save her life...he would not spare Maura's life...but he also would not be able to be anywhere near the scene when the body was found. Being there was decidedly more fun.

He took more photo's. He would fill his camera card.

* * *

The medical examiner chose that moment to speak in his gruff texan voice into his recording device.

"Caucasian Female, appears to be 40-45 years of age. No Identification. Signs of sexual assault. Severe corrosive damage to at least 30% of the epidermis, the face, neck, shoulders and arms in particular...based on the damage and lack of blood it was likely done post-mortem. The damage has possibly obscured bruising on the wrists here and fingerprinting will not be possible..."

Jane is sure she will pass out. Her brain screams 'NO' over and over.

Korsak is her support.

He hopes his grip on Jane's forearms will not bruise her.

"Maura." She whimpers.

* * *

...to be continued...


	8. Chapter E1ght

_"_ _Are you doing better today, Jane?"_

_Jane rubs the back of her neck. How many times had she been asked lately, how many days had passed and the loss still felt like it had just happened today, "I don't know. I just...I'm not sure yet."_

_"_ _It will take time."_

_Jane nods, she has been through the grief process before more than once. Jane visits the grave but it doesn't make it seem to be real still, it's like a dream she can't wake up from, a nightmare. Something beautiful was taken away from her and she can never have it back...time doesn't fix that._ _Time just makes the pain fade a little._

_"It all feels so surreal."_

_"I'm sorry Jane."_

_"I know."_

_"_ _Did you talk to Casey yet?"_

_Jane clears her throat before speaking, "No. Yes. I sent an email. I...I just couldn't face hearing the anger and disappointment or whatever in his voice. I don't think I can handle his feelings on top of my own."_

_Jane has found it hard enough with her Ma. Angela hasn't said a word but her sad expression says more that enough. She had wanted a grand-baby and had been so excited about Jane's pregnancy, so had Jane's brother, and Angela is torn somewhere between her own disappointment and the pain she feels for Jane's own loss, because she had a miscarriage herself once._

_Maura nods, "That is understandable Jane. But it wasn't your fault. He wouldn't blame you."_

_Jane sighs. She isn't so sure. She could have done things differently._

_"_ _He might blame me."_

_Maura softly rubs Jane's forearm, "That is not_ your _problem to deal with."_

_Jane smiles just a little, Maura is right, "You are getting very good at knowing what to say."_

_"_ _I had a very good teacher." Maura deflects softly. She once used to struggle with what to say when people were hurting._

_"_ _I had to have a lot of patience." Jane says with a smirk._

_Maura pinches her arm softly and rolls her eyes, "I'm sure you did."_

_"_ _Thank you for being so supportive Maur. It really has helped."_

_Maura nods in acceptance of the compliment._

_"_ _You're always there when I need you Maura, even if it's not in the way I think you should be. When you help me focus on other things or distract me even when you don't mean too."_

_"_ _You mean when I am not being attentive enough to you constant whining."_

_"_ _Yes. Exactly like that. Right there. I'm trying to be sincere and you brush it off."_

_Maura smiles, "I'm sorry Jane. I do understand."_

_"_ _I'm not sure you do. I really don't know how I would have got through everything I have in my life without someone by my side. A I don't mean that ridiculous oversized hug-me-teddy-bear-panda-raccoon thing that Tasha gave back to me. Just having you near makes everything better."_

_Maura smiles and looks down. She finds it hard to accept compliments from Jane. Maybe it's the rarity of them, or the sincerity._

_"_ _I think if you took away all the things in my life I don't really need, that aren't valuable in the greater scheme of things, like beer and money, oh and the red-socks, I would be just as happy so long as I have my family around me. Family is what matters. And you are family Maur."_

_"What about if we took away_ _coffee?"_

_"_ _I'm not so sure about that. I am fairly sure coffee makes me very very happy."_

_"_ _You're impossible Jane." Maura shakes her head and purses her lips. The day after the miscarriage Jane was back to drinking coffee as if she never stopped._

_"_ _Shoes make you happy Maura."_

_"_ _Family and friends mean a lot to most people, Jane, but I have never met anyone that prioritizes them quite like you do. It's remarkable. And sweet."_

_Maura half expects Jane to say 'ewwww' in response._

_"_ _I need them, and you Maur. I can't imagine my life if I lost any of you. I don't even want to imagine it."_

_"_ _You would go on Jane. We all have to move on sometimes even when life is extremely hard. If you had married Casey and moved to Afghanistan...I would have had to find a way to move on without you. Life takes people away from us sometimes. Like Frost. And we must pick up the pieces and find a way through...or around...with the support and love of those around us. That is a part of life...carrying on even when it hurts."_

_"_ _Who would help me move on if something happened to someone in my family?"_

_"I would_ _Jane."_

_"But w_ _hat if something happened you. Then what?"_

* * *

Jane collapses onto the ground. Korsak could not hold her entire weight.

She knows she should wait to hear if it even is Maura but all the internal stress, the waiting, the sight of the body, and that necklace, her body has made up it's own mind of how to cope. She shuts down, She doesn't think, She doesn't feel.

She wouldn't know if she was crying or screaming or shaking.

She wouldn't know if she just sat there.

Does she know how to breathe anymore or does her body do that automatically.

Korsak let's her sit rocking softly her arms limp by her sides. She is blinking and breathing and emergency services are not far away if he is needed urgently. So he lets her be. He doesn't want to stress her more.

The M.E. hasn't yet noticed the movements behind him, "There is a wound behind the right ear, the edges of the wound indicate it is from a gunshot however the wound has been thoroughly cleaned. No gunshot reside or blood."

* * *

Maura had flinched as Casey's fingers grazed her clavicle before they they curled around her thin gold chain and grasped it.

Maura had gasped when he yanked it hard enough that the small links gave into the pressure exerted against the back of her neck and snapped in half.

Her necklace was now his.

Why did he want it? Was he going to send it to Jane? Would Jane recognize it was even hers?

* * *

_Maura holds up the pendant, "Kaitlin told me that Paddy gave this to Hope on her 18th birthday. That would have been 1976. That is not possible...because this scrimshaw represents something that was built in 1993."_

_"_ _The year Paddy disappeared?"_

_Maura nods, "Yes. And the year Hope was working as a relief doctor in a war torn area. Sarajevo. So I did some research and I looked up photo's on the internet of this bridge, and it was near a secret tunnel that was built during the siege of Sarajevo by people trying to get humanitarian aid into the city."_

_Jane frowns, "Humanitarian aid. You think your Mother helped build it."_

_"_ _They named it 'The tunnel of Hope."_

_"_ _Oh my god."_

_"_ _Paddy was a fugitive in 1993. He could easily have travelled to the Balkans."_

_"_ _So you think Hope and Paddy met in Sarajevo?"_

_"_ _It's worse. Hope started M.E.N.D thanks to a two and a half million dollar donation from an anonymous donor. In 1993, Jane."_

_"_ _That's why the FEDS are sniffing around. She took his dirty money."_

* * *

Maura had only put it on before Casey knocked at her door because she came across it while tidying her closet an hour earlier. It reminded her of her mother Hope and her sister Katlin. She hadn't really meant to wear it. She put it on and then forgot she had done so. She didn't wear it out anymore because it also reminded her of her father.

Casey watched the thoughtful expressions cross Maura's face as he studied her. Maybe he could read her mind. Maybe he himself wondered if it would mean anything to Jane. If it meant anything to Maura. Casey had been in Boston during that case, had Jane told him about it. Or was he just hoping that they spent enough time together that Jane would know any item of Maura's. Jane was definitely observant like that, not much got past her.

Casey searched her over from her neck to her feet and back, like he was looking for something else and Maura remained as still as possible. Casey had not hurt her yet but she hadn't yet given him a reason too.

And then he turned and left.

* * *

The M.E. opens the partially melted blouse further and examines a strange wound beneath the burn, "It appears an autopsy was already performed, the Y incision has been surgically sutured post-mortem, the scar has been mostly disguised by the corrosion to the skin on the chest. I would estimate the victim died approximately six to eight days ago. I will know more when we get her back to the morgue."

"It's not Maura." Korsak practically shakes Jane to get her to focus on his words.

"That necklace is Maura's." Jane whispers staring at nothing but registering Korsak's voice.

Korsak frowns, "Jane, you spoke to Maura the day before yesterday. That body is is not her...it is not Maura."

"It's not Maura." Jane mimics her lips barely moving.

"It isn't Maura." Korsak says softly yet sternly, "This victim died a week ago."

Jane looks back at the victim lying amongst the bushes, "It's Maura's." Jane replies softly with a frown, she is desperately trying to put what she hears and see's into a logic she can process.

"It's not her Jane." Korsak says his hands on her shoulders, "Maybe it's her necklace but it is not Maura."

"Yeah?" Jane breathes out, "Not...not Maura."

Korsak nods, "Not Maura." He wishes he could tell her Maura was ok, alive...but if he says something like that and then they find Maura less than alive, he will have to watch this again, and seeing Jane like this once was one time too many.

She finally allows the relief, however small, to take over her. She sits up a little straighter and licks her lips. Suddenly her brain recognizes the coldness of damp cold ground beneath her and begs her to stand.

Korsak's gut tells him this was linked to Maura, it wasn't a strange coincidence, but he won't bring it up yet. Not when Jane is finally slowly picking herself up off the ground.

"I'll have an officer take you home, Jane. Get some sleep." Korsak orders.

Jane sighs out a heavy breath, "Yeah." The exhaustion is now starting to take over. Lack of sleep is taking it's toll.

An officer she can't remember helps her to his unmarked. As she reaches for the door handle she notices her hands are shaking and she wonders how much more her body can take of this. Maura would have some statistic for the actual physical damage repeated stress does to the body.

_Where are you Maura._

"Let's get a call into all morgues and hospitals in the area. One of them is missing a cadaver and I want to know which one." Jane hears Korsak's voice demanding, breaking the eerie morning silence.

They are back to square one, again, for the tenth time this week alone...or eleventh...she had lost count. It didn't matter, Maura was still alive, not dead.

_Alive. Alive. She is alive._

For now she would again have to wait until the unsub made another move.

Why was he always two steps ahead.

* * *

Casey had put his camera away slowly as the car door closed behind Jane.

He had been disappointed the panic didn't last longer.

Deeply disappointed.

He only had a few cadavers to choose from when he broke into the uptown funeral parlor the other night. There was only two blonde women to pick from so he picked the one closest to Maura's age and build. Then he put the corpse in a bath and threw acid over it to make her unrecognizable.

He should have waited till he had a more suited match to Maura, or someone the M.E. wouldn't be able to tell wasn't Maura so efficiently.

As nice as it would have been for Jane to have suffered much longer, he consoled himself that it was had been extremely intense and had fulfilled it's purpose.

And Maura's reaction to the photo's he pinned up more than made up for anywhere lacking.

Tears instantly welled up in Maura's eyes when she saw them, Casey hadn't seen Maura cry before this. Tears trickle down her face quietly.

One photo was Jane holding her hands over her mouth and Korsak holding her biceps tightly trying to get her attention, she looked pained, sick, and exhausted.

And the other was Jane sitting slumped on her knees on the ground staring at the grass, her arms hanging by her sides. She looked like the life had been sucked out of her. She looked ten years older than she really was.

"You did that to her." Casey laughed suddenly.

"What? I don't understand." Maura said looking at the pictures and trying to still make sense of what was happening. Casey hadn't told her where he was going or what he had done.

Casey looks at her condescendingly and Maura bravely stares back at him refusing to break eye contact despite the tears that escape occasionally. Bravery is about all she can do to not feel violently ill at the image of Jane.

"She thought _you_ were dead."

Maura bites her lip to control her feelings.

"I thought she was going to have a cardiac arrest on the spot." He chuckles.

Maura gives him a look of disgust which she already knows will have no effect on him anyway. It's all she can do to hold her own guilt at bay.

_'_ _I'm sorry Jane.'_

But at least he said Jane _thought_ Maura was dead...past tense. She could only hope.

_'_ _I'm alive Jane. Please find me'_

* * *

_...to be continued..._


	9. Chapter N1n3

  


_"_ _Last night, Casey asked me if we were..."_

_Jane pauses wondering if she should use the exact words Casey used._

_"_ _If you were what Jane?" Maura asks, looking up from the 'scientific today' magazine she was reading._

_"_ _You and me...If we were...well...together."_

_Missing the innuendo Maura corrects Jane's vocabulary, "You and 'I'."_

_"_ _Yeah."_

_Maura frowns at Jane completely confused, "Right now?"_

_"_ _Yes. No. Together together. You know...like LLBFF's."_

_"_ _Oh?" It came out like a question. Maura is surprised. Surprised Casey would think that. Question that. Surprised Jane would tell her that Casey said that. "Oh, I see." She looks into Jane's eyes searching for a reaction but Jane looks back at her waiting for her reaction, eye's soft with a gentle curiosity and a tiny tiny hint of a smile._

_All the times they pretended to be a couple had strengthened their friendship, had built a deep mutual trust between them._

_For Maura she had needed Jane to help her escape from face-licker Giovani, and Jane had jumped into the role with both feet surprising Maura completely. Holding Maura like she mattered but requiring nothing in return. And she had liked it, no man had ever caused her to feel so protected, had ever been there for her so completely, so much innocent devotion._

_Jane had kept up the facade around Giovani a few times after even though they hadn't needed to pretend...because even though Giovani had a body she was attracted too, his IQ was well below average and he probably wouldn't have noticed, but if Jane knew this it didn't seem to matter, Jane would never let her down._

_And then when Jorge was throwing himself at Jane, Maura had implied to him that the two of them were a couple, and although Jane pretended to be annoyed by the suggestion, her eye's had said thank you._

_Moments like these strengthened their bond in a way that had been indescribable._

_When Jane had gone undercover as a lesbian, there had been more than usual lingering looks, gentle touches and soft moments between them that felt comfortable despite them being just friends. It wasn't awkward, it was safe and close, it was theirs._

_And when Jane wanted to sleepover at Maura's during the heatwave so she could have use of Maura's air conditioning, even though she knew Maura slept naked, Jane had said "I'll bring you some PJ's. When Todd comes back...tell him I'm staying at 'your' place." When Todd, the BPD Morgue assistant that had pestered Jane did return, Maura had told him just that with a wink, "Sorry you just missed Jane, Todd, I thought you should know that she...erm...is staying at my place. If you get my drift."_

_At least, unlike Giovani, Todd hadn't asked to join them._

_And Jane had stayed over, in Maura's bed, both in their own PJ's so neither would be uncomfortable. Jane had worn her oversized red socks tee-shirt and had looked incredibly gorgeous and relaxed, her hair tousled over her shoulders and a goofy relaxed smile on her face. So gorgeous that Maura's body was grateful that Jane turned the air conditioner on after all._

_Maura had woken that morning and found Jane's arm was underneath her body, long fingers inches from her cheek and soft snoring behind her, the same breath that grazed her shoulder. She had everything but hated the feelings that stirred inside her, feelings of comfort and safety and other things she couldn't describe._

_But they were just friends, 'just friends'. They both dated and slept with men. They both supported each others heterosexual relationships. They encouraged each other and gave each other advice about those relationships. They discussed sex with men so long as words like coitus or intercourse weren't used. They had discussed their weddings and futures. They were friends...just really close friends._

_""_ _What, uh, what did you tell him?" Maura asks in a way that the answer must be obvious even if she wishes it wasn't. She has to believe that Jane is telling her because it is ridiculous, even though she isn't sure it really is. She doesn't want to be hurt, rejected, to be told they really are only friends, even though they are._

_"_ _I said no." Jane shrugs unemotionally and Maura feels a little smaller even though she expected it._

_"_ _Did Casey believe you?"_

_"_ _I told him about Giovani and Jorge and what he missed at my high school reunion when he stood me up and you came instead. He said he believed me but he didn't seem real happy about it."_

_Maura chuckles softly which makes Jane smile into her beer._

_"_ _Is it just me or are men are sooo jealous?" Jane asks weakly making eye contact._

_Maura reaches across the void between them and only barely touches Jane's arm, it's light and tender and says 'It isn't a big deal, but i'm here for you anyway._

_"_ _I do agree Jane, and many men seem to have a very under developed sense-of-humor."_

_And then they look at each other a beat longer before looking away._

* * *

Maura doesn't go back to sleep after Casey woke her just after 7am to show her his latest pictures. The images play on her mind like an old silent movie. Frame by frame each one darker and heavier than the previous. Some were sequential, and they burned Maura like fire on her skin and inside her chest.

Forced to see Jane's suffering, Jane's fear, Jane's anger, Jane's sadness, Jane falling to pieces. And then, so briefly, Jane's relief. Relief which wasn't as freeing and whole as it should be, not even close, because relief would only be Jane's companion when and if Maura came home.

If.

If Maura went home.

If.

If Maura went home alive.

If.

A word that in Maura's mind was becoming a far to common word.  
'If I see Jane again I will tell her how sorry I am for all this, for her pain.'

If.

Not that she was guessing. Just weighing up the variables, the facts, the statistics, the most likely of the endless possibilities. _'If I go home I will never miss Rizzoli dinner night again.'_

It was a word she rarely put any value into because it was so unreliable.

'If I get out of here I will make it up to everyone.'

'If I go home I will finish that article I started.'

"If I get out of here alive I want to do more things on my bucket list.'

**_Jane weighed up the evidence in front of them and begins her theory to Maura and Korsak, "What if the victim was..."_ **

**_"_ _I don't like what if's" Maura interrupts quickly_ **

**_Jane pulls a face and starts again, "Ok. Let's assume..."_ **

**_Maura interrupts again,"How is that any better?"_ **

**_Korsak stifles a chuckle._ **

What if...what if Maura was free today, what would she be doing? What would Jane be doing if she wasn't trying to find Maura? What if Casey and Jane had got married, would this still be happening? Would Casey have lost the plot like he has or would he be like before?

'If's' were a world of fantasy Maura had never engaged in...until now.

It gave her hope, hope for a miracle, hope for freedom, even just hoping to get out to be able to give Jane one more hug, see one more smile, have one more coffee together, know her friend would be ok. Those thoughts kept her sane.

If Maura went home she knew she would never want to leave again. If she could go home she would remember to tell Jane how much she meant to her more often. She would even call those reddish-brown stains 'blood' just too see Jane surprised and make her smile. She would go with Jane to every Red Sox sporting event just because she could. Life has more meaning when one has free-will control of it, but so rarely do we not have it that we forget to appreciate it, appreciate the little things.

_'_ _If Casey slips up, Jane will find me...'_

Maura had painfully put the pieces together after Casey had bragged for awhile about how his game was playing out.

She had watched him act out a description of the despair and terror he caused. Watched his face show anger and hate and contempt.

Maura didn't see what Casey saw in the pictures of Jane. She wondered if anyone saw Jane like she always had. Maura saw a gentle, loyal and loving woman who acted tough and had a lot of Italian pride that she would put down easily when she needed too. Casey saw a manipulative evil game player...But then Casey's perspective was very skewed.

He was the one playing a game.

A game, like chess. A move for a move.

Casey enjoyed it as much when his opponent moved as when he did. And Maura knew he would only play like this for so long. Playing a game only one person is aware is being played would loose his interest eventually. Soon he would want to get caught, or need too, because then Jane would know the stakes of the game...and that she was playing a game.

Casey had left again a few hours after returning. Maura hated if when he left her because that was when she didn't know if he was hurting Jane.

She lay prostrate on the bed staring at the wall. Her eyes fixed on one photo. The photo of Jane running towards the victims body, her jaw set and her eyes a little wild.

There was too much fear and pain in the rest for her to look at except that one.

If it was the last picture of Jane she ever saw she would be ok with that, because she could see the determination in her friends face, she could see the fight, and she knew Jane would still be ok without her.

* * *

Jane wakes at 11am and her first thought is that Maura is alive.

She is grateful she slept well but mostly that she did not dream.

She used to wake up and have a few moments of peace before she remembered Maura was gone, and when she remembered she felt that sick heavy de-habilitating feeling in the pit of her stomach. Lately when she wakes there isn't that happy moment right before reality hits. She still wakes in the night after a dream and wishes she never woke up at all. That this whole thing was just a nightmare, a bad dream...but it's not, and the dreams can't save her from her reality.

She gets dressed slowly and makes her way to the kitchen to make a coffee. Part of her is eager to get to work and see if there are any new developments and the other part of her dreads the constant disappointment of no news or worse...the possibility of bad news.

She has felt this double-mindedness for some time now.

Loss and confusion. Hopelessness.

That shutting down would be easier. Just letting go of everything.

But she also knows that she has to push through so she can save Maura, and that she has to try no matter how hard it feels at times, that Maura would never give up on her so everyday she keeps pushing past the pain and forcing herself into action. She just takes a little bit more time than she used to. A few extra minutes dressing, eating, a few extra seconds on each step as she walks. Procrastinating.

Because she knows that all those little moments add up to a few extra hours in her day...hours where she isn't thinking about the fact that she appears to be loosing...those moments that make the day appear a little shorter.

Those multitudes of seconds are mindlessly numbing. She isn't thinking about what she is doing or why she is doing it.

But it feels like less time at BPD is less time feeling like she is failing to move forward, failing to find her friend.

She hopes she hasn't failed Maura yet, she hopes Maura is still ok.

_"_ _Jane...It's so good to hear your voice."_

She has to be ok. But she also can't think about the alternative. The sheer stress of it will incapacitate her physically and mentally.

_"_ _I am fine."_

When Maura called her and she knew Maura was alive she had feel on top of the world, she didn't show it to anyone, but she felt like all wasn't lost. Maura was alive. She would have to try to recapture that feeling because she needed it.

She pushes the elevator button in the BPD lobby only once. She doesn't want it to arrive faster than usual.

She doesn't watch the numbers go up. She isn't in a hurry like she once used to be.

The doors open and she takes her time walking the corridor to the bullpen. Officers bustle around her hurrying about their day but she remains calm.

When she steps into the bullpen and pauses, clutching a takeaway coffee, Korsak is at his desk and he glances at her. She makes her way slowly to her desk just as Korsak hangs up his phone.

"Sleep well Jane?"

Jane puts the coffee on her desk and takes a seat.

"Yeah, I actually did. Thank you."

"Good. You look a little better."

Jane widens her eyes and looks at him like he made a joke. Compared to earlier they both know she looks a heck of a lot more than a little better.

Korsak scratches his chin and Jane raises an eyebrow at him. That is Korsaks tell, he has something on his mind that is worrying him.

"Spit it out Korsak."

"It's nothing Jane."

Jane taps her finger on the side of her cup, usually she would let it go and wait until he was ready to tell her, but today is different, anything to do with Maura makes it all different, "It's something Korsak."

Korsak sighs already sensing Jane won't let it go and it seems to be all he can think about and there maybe a small possibility getting it off his chest will help, "Jane. You weren't on call today."

"I know. So?"

"I checked when I got back here. You were in the system dispatch. Someone put you in there. Someone put you back on call after Cavanaugh took you off."

"It was probably a mistake."

They look at each other a moment, Korsak looking for an answer he won't receive and Jane silently testing her knowledge of procedure as to whether it was even possible.

"I'm not sure." Korsak says his voice full of doubt and a hint of anger. It's unlikely it was a mistake but the alternative is that someone intentionally changed it. Nina is looking into it."

Jane nods and lets out a heavy sigh, "It could have been a mistake but...if it wasn't...well...then it's a clue and we will add it to the board. I'm not going to worry about it until we know, I can't...sweat the small stuff."

Korsak nods, frustrated at himself that he had to say anything at all. Frustrated that Jane had to be subjected to what she did, and confused as to why.

Jane looks at the unfinished pile of hotline calls to go through, so far they have all been a waste of time. There are a few extra added to the pile now but thankfully they are coming in much slower.

She flips open the folder and stares at the first page without reading it.

"I'm going to need another coffee" Jane mumbles.

"I thought you took your coffee intravenously these days." Korask says with such a straight face that it causes the corners of Jane's mouth to curl slightly into a smile.

* * *

Nina and Frankie watch the security footage. It is the worst quality they have had to work with, but then it's no surprise that Arcroft Funeral Home has not been too concerned with security. They have nothing worthwhile stealing...or at least they thought they didn't.

Frankie had smirked when he called it a 'home pre-grave robbery' and Korsak had shaken his head in dismay. Frankie consoled himself that Jane would have found it funny.

"Lisa Gills. She was a working girl. Her funeral is in a day." Korsak reads the details from the funeral home.

Nina pulls up the details on Lisa Gills and reads the autopsy notes, "It says she fought back on an attempted mugging. She was shot however she had a genetic heart condition and died of heart failure due to shock not the injury. The autopsy was done last week."

Korsak reads the notes on the screen, "Police caught the assailants. They hadn't managed to dispose of the gun and gave full confessions. It was an open and shut."

"Open, shut and open again." Frankie muses.

Korsak sits down and reads some notes in his pad, "I spoke to the victims family."

"How did they take the news?" Nina queries softly

"Not great. The funeral was going to be an open casket."

"Oh." Frankie says his voice suddenly sad and his face downcast, all joking put aside.

"Anything from the footage?"

"Nothing yet. But I am working on it." Nina says, "It's definitely a male. Approximately 5'10". He didn't park in the carpark so there is no car plates but we are checking on other camera's in the area that might have caught something. He keeps his head away from the camera almost like he knows it is there and his cap and sunglasses disguises his face. Even if the footage was clearer I doubt facial recognition would help us. I did notice that the clothing looks quite baggy under the white disposable overalls. Boots look heavy. And he is wearing gloves so we know there won't be any prints."

Korsak nods in understanding as he watches the footage loop across the screen.

"He smashed the glass and set the alarm off but he was in and out in under two minutes." Frankie adds as he has watched the footage several times now.

Korsak watches the footage as it loops over a few times. The doors to the funeral home swing open as a man re-emerges pushing a gurney with a body under a sheet. He is middle-aged, approximately 5'10". It doesn't look like he has much hair showing under his cap. There are no distinguishing features or tattoo's on the exposed hands or neck. But Korsak gets the strange feeling that some part of this man is familiar to him. Maybe the build of the guy or maybe the way he moves. Or maybe its an attitude that a certain type of person has. Korsak scratches his chin for a moment in thought. The clothing underneath is baggy but none is clearly visible though the cover-alls. He steps or stumbles slightly as he exits the building, his right boot twisting inwards slightly, twice. His build is solid and he moves in a way that is controlled. The way he holds himself, like an officer, or soldier. It's uncanny.

"Korsak?" Frankie asks after a few moments of silence.

"What?"

"I just said...It looks like the glass door might have caught a reflection of him as it swings closed, so Nina is trying to enhance it to see if we can identify him."

Korsak looks at Nina's screen as the pixelated blurry face. Hard to tell any features at this stage but the machine is working in the background to clear up the pixels of the frame.

"Send me a copy of that and let me know if you get anything off this or find anything on any other cameras nearby."

"Will do sergeant." Nina says with a nod.

"And hurry." He adds as the door closes behind him.

Nina turns to Frankie, "I know everyone here is really having a hard time with Dr. Isles being...gone...but did Korsak seem kind of, um, a little bit out of character to you?"

Frankie nods, "Yes, he did."

* * *

...to be continued...


	10. Chapter T3n

 

_"_ _Casey called me back yesterday. He said he had had the time he needed to process that I was pregnant with his baby."_

_Maura nods and waits for Jane to continue._

_"_ _He said he wanted to be a part of his or her life in some way whenever he was in Boston."_

_"_ _Well that's good right?"_

_"_ _Yes. I think it is good for a baby to know 'all' their biological parents." Jane gives Maura a smirk and nudges her hoping for a reaction._

_Maura shakes her head and suppresses a laugh. She knows Jane is poking at her own messed up family hoping to get a rise._

_Maura squeezes Jane's arm. "That is wonderful, Jane"._

_Jane continues slower than before, "I still love Casey...but..."_

_Maura looks up at Jane and see's a dark confused look cross her face._

_"_ _What's wrong Jane?"_

_Jane shrugs and won't look up at Maura, "When I told him that he could be as involved as he liked but that I wanted my family and you to help me raise the baby he started acting...a bit strange."_

_"_ _Strange how?"_

_"_ _I don't know. A gut thing I guess."_

_Maura watches Jane's animated expressions as she thoughtfully replays the conversation back in her mind._

_"_ _What did he say to you Jane?"_

_Jane clears her throat and rubs her palms together slowly, "He asked me...if I had planned it to turn out like this."_

_Maura frowns, "That is a very odd thing to say."_

_"_ _Yeah" Jane says neutrally, she tries to show indifference but her expression somehow lands on pained, "I asked him what he meant exactly...but he changed the topic."_

_Maura tries to reassure her friend, "He had agreed with you that getting married wasn't right for you both, it had nothing to do with the baby. And I convinced you that having family help you raise the baby was the best for you both. Why would he think you had planned any of this?"_

_Jane leans back against the bar and shakes her head, "I don't know Maura. I really don't" she says with a sad sigh._

* * *

"Casey?" Korsak spots the man being served coffee in division one cafe.

"Oh, Hi Vince. Good to see you again."

Korsak moves cautiously closer, in a past life he would greet the colonel with a smile and a bit of friendly banter, but not today, not in this lifetime. He keeps his face firm yet expressionless as he queries Jane's ex-boyfriend, "What are you doing here, Casey?"

Casey sips his drink as if the question is of little importance and then he smiles as he places the mug back down, "I am waiting for Jane."

Korsak glances at Angela, who hasn't taken her eyes off the two of them, then back at Casey, "Is she expecting you?"

Casey shakes his head, "Nuh. I plan to surprise her."

Korsak sits down in the seat opposite Casey aware he has not been invited to do so and ignores the annoyed look Casey gives him

"Casey, Jane isn't really up for any surprises. I am sure you have heard what has happened around here. I'm not sure dropping in like this would be...warmly welcomed."

Casey's annoyed expression grows deeper sending a chill down Korsaks spine.

"She wasn't upset to see me the other day." Casey growls defensively, "And what business is it of yours." His tone and his scowl say 'back off'.

Korsak wants to argue that he is looking out for his colleague and friend, but something tells him it won't be well received. Korsak saw some of the emotional turmoil Jane endured because of this man, and what Jane hid from everyone he heard about from Angela.

Korsak looks past Casey at Angela again. Her eyes look worried, pleading. She hasn't liked Casey since he broke her daughters heart and refused to come to Boston when Jane lost the baby. Now she likes him even less. She hates him more for vanishing for four years only to return when Jane is more vulnerable than she has ever been. Angela confided in Korsak more than once that Jane had cried in her arms after losing her baby, something uncharacteristic of Jane. Angela put it down to the fact that Maura was away at conferences. Korsak never said a word to Jane about what he knew, it would only make her self conscious as well as angry at her Ma, instead he kept a closer eye on her, invited her to the dirty robber for drinks more often, and tried to give her another stray dog to keep her company.

Angela's eyes looked wet as she shook her head subtly, trying to express an unspoken sentence, or feeling. Whatever she tried to convey didn't matter, Korsak felt a protective anger course through his blood.

"It is my damn business." Korsak said with such a loud strong voice that Casey slumped down in his seat slightly, "Everything to do with that girl is my business." Korsak allows his anger to convey his contempt. He doesn't care how Casey takes it. "She is my family and I will do whatever I have to do to protect my family."

Casey visually gulps and blinks back his surprise.

"And don't you forget that, Lieutenant Colonel Jones."

Korsak doesn't wait for a reply. He gives Angela a wink and gets up from his seat calling over his shoulder, "See you later Angela."

Angela smiles then shifts her eye's back to Casey. Like last time, she won't let him out of her sight, especially with her daughter.

Jane chooses that moment to exit the elevator and head towards division one cafe. She see's her Ma and smiles. Then her attention is drawn to the man by the window.

She frowns slightly. Why is he back. He already came to give support to her. For BPD's loss.

She quickly changes her frown into a forced smile that to anyone looks mostly uncomfortable.

"Casey..." She begins then realizes she can't think of anything else to say. She found her words last time entirely because of shock at seeing him and sadness at losing Maura. Now his presence, again so soon, just seems strange.

Angela is between them before she closes the distance to the table.

"Jane?" She says loudly out of one side of her mouth.

"Ma?" Jane raises her eyebrows.

"He has been waiting for you to come downstairs for almost two hours." Angela says with pleading eyes.

"I'm fine Ma." Jane says placing her hands on both shoulders comfortingly before moving past her to sit down opposite Casey.

Casey doesn't move to greet her or stand and only smiles when she sits.

"What are you doing here?"

Casey's smile merges slightly into a smirk before vanishing, "I came to see you. Make sure you were ok."

"I'm fine Casey. I appreciate you coming to show support but you can't help me."

Casey's expression doesn't change. He studies Jane until her stern expression drops and she looks down at the table.

"Jane. When you say 'I'm fine' we both know that doesn't mean fine, or ok. I want to be here for you if you need someone to talk to about anything."

"I have my family." Jane responds curtly keeping her eyes down.

"Can I get you a coffee?" Casey persists

With a sigh Jane finally nods.

Casey calls over to Angela the request and then turns back to Jane.

"I know you've had a rough few days Jane. I am here for you. I always was."

Jane looks up at him and gives him a weak half smile, she is sure he means well but she never felt he was emotionally accessible to her when they were together, so she doesn't expect him to be here for her now. The only thing they really had in common was their mutual love for their jobs. It was the reason they were so good together, because they understood why the other was busy, or unavailable, or on the other side of the world. It worked for such a long time. Until it didn't. Until the people around her were there for her and her boyfriend was nowhere to be seen. He had not been there for her, least of all when she may have come close to needing him. Unless he expected her to beg...beg him to come and support her, help her, hug her. Fat chance of that, Jane Rizzoli begged no-one...ever...least of all a man. Maybe he needed that kind of girl to feel more like a man, maybe he needed someone that needed him. But he knew even when they were in high school that Jane wasn't like that. Jane had always been independent and determined. Even in her lowest hour she had not been weak and needy...physically yes, but not emotionally.

"I'm fine." Jane mumbled.

Angela places her hand on Jane's shoulder and squeezes as she places the coffee on the table. She wishes she could pull her daughter away from him and debates whether of not she should text Korsak and get him to come downstairs again. But Jane wouldn't appreciate her interference so she doesn't.

Casey waits until Angela is back behind the counter before speaking again.

"Any news on Maura?"

Jane shakes her head "She is still missing. She could be dead." she says into her cup working hard to keep her feelings in. Once upon a time she would have confided in Casey. Told him about a case she was working on. She would have listened to his input. And she would have known he was supporting her in his own way. But it was different now. Now, she didn't want to tell him about the case. She especially didn't want him to judge her. To indicate that a good detective would have a few clues by now.

Jane's shoulders sagged from her own guilt and shame.

Casey gave a pause before he offered comfort, "You don't know that, Jane."

"I know." She sighs again before she leans forward so no-one else can overheat them, "Casey. I think this is the worst situation I have ever been in."

"Ever?" Casey asks with genuine surprise.

Jane bites her lip softly in thought, her past has been filled with plenty of very bad situations. There was her private informant that had been killed because of her decisions. That had felt like the end of the world at the time. She didn't think she would ever recover and carry on at BPD.

Then there was Hoyt, dubbed the Surgeon, her third case after making detective. They had tried to catch the serial killer for almost a six months before he caught Jane and then Korsak had saved her life, but not before Hoyt had put scalpels through the palms of her hands.

Hoyt went to prison and Jane had spent several months in physical therapy again evaluating her career choices. Maura had visited her in the hospital along with half of BPD. As much as Jane wanted to hide from everyone, run away, quit...she found Maura genuinely understanding without the condescending sympathy she endured from her co-workers and family and it helped her get through it. It was actually the beginning of their friendship. Maura visited Jane after her release from hospital and filled her in on BPD's current cases which wetted Jane's appetite to eventually get back to work, to go back to BPD. Then Hoyt had been able to terrorize Jane with apprentices eager to seek his revenge on Jane. Hoyt escaped from prison to terrorize her again. Capturing her again. That time she got away and he went back to prison. At times she had felt like a hunted animal afraid to leave her own home and afraid to stay home alone...but back then she knew who was after her. In prison, Hoyt had one final attempt to kill Jane and Maura. This time, Jane ended his life.

Then there was Bobby, the dirty cop than had taken BPD hostage with Jane, Frankie and Maura inside. Her brother Frankie had been shot and was dying. It had been a terrible situation but there had been a way out, she had control. She had shot herself to save Frankie and Maura.

Then there was the situation where she had shot Maura's biological mob boss father. That put a serious wedge in their friendship and they had fought for several months. But they had made up. Maura had been kidnapped twice since then but not for as long as this. They were terrifying but by the time the reality of Maura missing from her life caught up with her, Maura was back.

Alice Sands was behind one abduction and also the reason her apartment had been set on fire, the reason none of her credit cards worked, the reason Korsaks wedding had been shot up. It had been bad, gone on for months, Jane hadn't known who was after her or why. But although she was afraid for the safety of those around her...at least they were around her.

On a personal and emotional level, her situation with Casey, the love, his injury, his lies, their breakdown, reunion, marriage proposal, and his promotion taking him halfway around the world, finding out she was pregnant with his baby only to have a miscarriage 3 months later...that almost...almost...compared to this. The rollercoaster of emotions, fear, hope, rejection, loss, anger, defeat and sadness.

But what set apart all those chapters in her life from this one, was the people around her that supported her, helped her, comforted her. Every bad situation in her life she had Maura by her side. The voice of reason In her ear. The hand on her shoulder to remind her it would all be ok. The jokes between them to keep her from being depressed. She needed the one thing she couldn't have to help her find her and keep her upright.

'Yeah. It is.' Jane says softly frowning to herself.

"Jane...there's no way she met someone and went away with them...or something. I mean she's loaded right. Maybe she just took a break and forgot to mention it to anyone."

Jane rubs the skin between her eyebrows, "Casey..I'm reasonably sure that Dr. Isles didn't renege her responsibilities as the Chief Medical Examiner and take a willy-nilly holiday without mentioning it to anyone at all. Oh...and just leave her front door wide open for anyone to wander in?"

Jane's voice obvious with sarcasm but Casey didn't care. Casey knew Jane would assume he just didn't know all the details in the case. He knew it would play on her mind, confuse her. Even though it was impossible...Jane would wonder what clues really meant anything. Casey also hoped that it would force her to tell him more delicious details about the case that had the amazing Jane Rizzoli stumped...that Jane would need to defend her friend and he would find out how she really felt.

Instead, Jane pushed her hand roughly through her hair and stared at Casey. He often acted strange but surely he knew Maura better than believing she would do something like that.

"You think she would forget to tell me if she had somewhere she had to be?" Jane meant it to sound like a ridicule but she heard how uncertain her own voice sounded.

"No. No she wouldn't forget" Casey said without a pause.

The pause said it all.

"You know her better than I do." He said with a shrug.

Jane studies Casey carefully for a moment and he tenses under her gaze.

_Maura wouldn't forget. Was Casey insinuating Maura would actually choose not to tell her. Implying that Maura wouldn't want to tell her so intentionally didn't. That Maura just left. Or was he trying to help her think outside the box on a case with no obvious leads._

Jane's tired mind began to swirl and she closes her eyes to control her thoughts.

_Impossible. Never in a million years would Maura do that. Right? No. No way._

Casey rubs his chin in thought and puts on a slightly chipper voice, "It just seems strange that there would be no communication from whoever took her. If she was taken. It's not logical"

Jane bites back that old nagging feeling. The one that tells her it isn't logical because it is personal. The one that causes everything around her to darken like the lights are going out. The one that feels like hands squeezing her heart tightly.

_If she was taken. Not Logical. Just vanished...left._

"The whole thing is strange." Jane says with a broken voice and a defeated sigh as she squeezes her eyes shut trying to push the darkness away before it invades her completely. She pushes the thoughts that it's her fault away but the thought that Maura would leave and not tell her feels somehow heavier. She fights the feeling of rejection and wonders why it is there at all. "It feels like a game of chess. Pieces are moving around me and someone is three moves ahead."

Casey can't help but smile slightly. It is a compliment to him. He is three moves ahead and they have no idea. He hides his smile quickly behind his coffee cup before Jane looks up, her eyes searching for an answer, a clue. She doesn't get anything and looks down again.

"I heard radio chatter that someone matching Maura's description was found."

Jane shakes her head slowly to try to shake away the images that flood her mind. She swallows, she feels raw, emotionally drained. The last few days of Maura alive, then dead, and now she doesn't know for sure. She isn't sure of anything. She knows she is afraid, or at least it feels like fear, but she keeps it to herself because she isn't really sure which part is scaring her. That she doesn't know who is doing this and that she doesn't know why. That she might never see her best friend again. That she soon might be investigating the homicide of her best friend. Or that she is scared she isn't good enough to catch whoever abducted Maura.

"It wasn't her." Jane replies simply, yet unsuccessfully trying to hide the emotion cracking through in her voice.

"That's good."

"Someone wanted us to think it was her."

"Someone...Do you know who?" Casey puts as much innocence in his voice as he can manage. "Who would _do_ something like that."

Jane shakes her head again and swallows. She hates feeling this, talking about this. She should have stayed home today. She fiddles with her spoon to distract herself. Distraction is something she has gotten really good at lately. She clears her throat and composes herself again.

Casey sips his drink allowing a long pause before speaking, "If honestly thought she must have run away, She was always a little strange. I wonder what really happened."

_Run away. Maura running away. What a strange concept. Maura wasn't that strange. Someone was planting evidence so there was no chance that was even a theory. The blood, the postcard, the necklace, the phone-call, the ice-pick. Someone wanted Jane to chase her tail. Unless Maura was already dead. But why. Why play these games. For what purpose._

Jane growls softly under her breath defending her friend. "She wouldn't do that to me. She knows how I would react. How much it would hurt me."

"What do you mean?" Casey asked failing to hide his genuine curiosity.

'Because of last time she was abducted. Last time...it wasn't this long before we found her...but she knows how hard it was on us all."

"Last time?"

"Yeah." Jane sighs and slumps in the chair, "Someone took her to get to me."

Casey's eyes bulge slightly, he is genuinely surprised, "How long was she gone?"

"96 hours."

"I didn't know that."

"We weren't together then, Casey...it was after...you know. I didn't even know who took her or why...just like this time. Arg. Deja vu."

"Was she ok?"

"Yes. No. She was alive but traumatized. The man that took her didn't even know me...or her...he worked for someone with a ridiculous grudge. She was crazy...but she did so much damage." Jane pauses as the shooting at Korsaks wedding and the dead street kids and thinking her Ma had been taken and all the other memories hit her. Especially Maura holding that shard of metal in the dark trying to defend herself, her eyes fearful and wild and covered in her captors blood because she had sliced his carotid artery to get away. "It's a long story." Jane finished sadly

"I don't mind hearing it."

"Nuh, it hurts to remember. Right now it...please...another time." Jane closes her eyes. She want's to end this conversation. She wants to not feel.

"Were you ok, Jane?"

Jane's eyes snap open. She wants to scoff and yell like she has a lot recently. She want's him to know she will never be ok when anyone takes or hurts her friend. Her Maura. That the memories become nightmares and the worry and fear stayed with her anytime Maura didn't answer her phone fast enough after than. She senses her mother's growing concern out of the corner of her eye and calms herself quickly. She doesn't want a scene. She takes a slow sip of coffee before looking at Casey, right in his eyes for the first time since she arrived and says as calmly as possible, "No Casey. I was a mess. I...am a mess...I..."

"What?"

"I...feel like..."

Casey is on the edge of his seat, "What?"

"I don't think I can do this anymore. I swore to myself if anyone I cared about was hurt again that I would quit."

Jane glances at Angela who is watching them less intently again. The things she puts her Ma through. The woman deserves a medal.

"When you carry a badge, worry is a part of it. You don't think you have to worry about your family and friends." Jane says as she rubs her palms together harshly massaging the scars on them.

"Its a dangerous job, Jane. It always has been."

"My job is dangerous...mine...not hers." Jane scoffs indignantly, "And every time something happens to her it's because of me. Hoyt. Alice. It's like this...crap...that just follows me around and hurts anyone close to me. I never dreamed those people would hurt me by hurting them. I hate it. I hate..." She stops, she can't say 'I hate me'...not to Casey. She is already to vulnerable.

"You don't know that it's because of you, Jane." Casey says calmly, too calmly, but Jane doesn't notice.

Jane sighs sadly, "No, you're right. I don't know anything, but it doesn't matter...this is my last case regardless."

Casey nods in understanding, "Well, maybe it's for the best." Jane misses his smirk as he says it. She is too busy feeling guilty over all the suffering her job has caused...not just her but those she loves...her baby...Casey's baby too...she never asked Casey if he had dealt with it ok...If he was okay...not that he ever gave her the opportunity too. She should ask him even if it dredges up past pain for her, she should let him know what it meant to her and that she cares about him.

She is about to ask him when her phone buzzes. She looks at it and then at him.

"You have to go." He says

"Sorry." She replies and gets up giving him a wave over her shoulder.

She doesn't feel better after talking to him. She doesn't feel lighter.

* * *

...to be continued...


	11. Chapter el3v3n

 

_"_ _Maura. I dreamed you left me."_

_"_ _Shhhh Jane. It was just a dream. I'm not going anywhere. I promise."_

_Maura strokes Jane's arm softly hoping she will easily drift back to sleep._

_"_ _Casey was there...in my dream...he told me you had only stayed because of my baby."_

_"_ _Sweetheart you know that's not true. Go back to sleep. Everything will be better tomorrow."_

_Jane squeezes her eyes shut and rolls on her side so she is closer to Maura's warmth. Jane was released from hospital five days earlier and every night has woken from a nightmare. Maura decided to move Jane from the guest room to her room to better monitor her friend and prevent additional stress to them both._

_A few moments pass and Maura thinks Jane is asleep again until she hears a soft whimper._

_"_ _It's ok Jane. I am here." She purrs softly rubbing Jane's back in small circles, "I won't ever leave unless you want me too. Ok?"_

_Any mother that looses an unborn baby has a tremendous amount of heartache to battle on top of the physical effects. Even with a supportive network the pain can be long-suffering._

_"_ _Why is this happening to me, Maur?"_

_"_ _Right now, there are a lot of chemical and hormonal changes going on in your body due to the recent fetal mortality. It can take up to 12 weeks for your body to return to normal. Strange dreams are an extremely common occurrence."_

_Maura doesn't get a reply_

_"_ _Some doctors believe strange dreams are due to the cortisol level changes, in part from the stress caused by the loss even though the estrogen levels are lower."_

_Jane sighs, "Thank you google mouth."_

_She sounds calmer, relieved._ _Maura smiles lightly, "No more facts then?"_

_Jane wiggles even closer and says in a sleepier croaky voice, "You can keep talking. Your voice is very soothing."_

* * *

Casey is waiting when Maura wakes up. Sitting facing her in a creepy way looking smug.

"I saw your girlfriend again today."

Maura can't help but sit fully upright, excited to hear any detail about Jane.

She has a million questions but knows asking Casey won't get the results she wants. Waiting for him to tell it his way has been the most effective.

"She didn't want to talk to me at first but after a while she wanted to tell me everything. Everything about what she is reallllly going through."

He drags his words out painfully.

Maura swallows and waits as patiently as she can trying not to show her desperation to hear how Jane is. Maybe she will get to talk to Jane again like last time. Just to hear her voice again.

"She barely touched her coffee. That says a lot doesn't it Dr. Isles."

Casey watches her a moment longer but doesn't get the response he hopes for.

"I think it does. I can't tell if she is at breaking point or already past it. She is so easy to manipulate now."

The hope in Maura's eye's completely fades and she feels sick again. He is telling her nothing she can believe but it is all she has.

"I might take her out for dinner...to cheer her up. Do you think she would like that? Do you think I could make her feel better? You were able to make her feel better...although you can't satisfy her like I did..."

He smiles to himself and drops his hand to his crotch and holds it there, "Maura...do you think she would allow me to 'pleasure her'?"

Maura's expression darkens as she glares at him, an almost silent 'no' leaves with her next breath.

"I could make her scream you know."

Maura covers her mouth. Her body is threatening to heave up bile.

Casey shifts his gaze to her and smiles before letting his arm drop down to his side.

"I am fairly sure that no one can predict what she will do next...but that's the fun of all this, isn't it...the unknown." He smiles again.  
"Will she freak out. Will she take it out on Korsak again. Or take it out on her poor Ma that woefully cries every night that her second daughter is missing. Boo-hoo. What will Janie do?" He mocks, "Everyone is a mess...but Jane...oh, she is something else now...much more than just a mess."

He smirks as he thinks back to all the things he said...all the seeds he planted in Jane's mind. Doubt. Confusion. Fear. Which ones will take root.

"I doubt it would take much to convince her she is crazy...Do you think I could push her so far that she would end her own life?"

"What did you say to her?" Maura finally asks through gritted teeth, squinted eyes and a deep and violent anger.

"Oh not much.." He says faking humility, "...I just made her doubt herself. And doubt you Dr. Isles. And yet she still trusts me...the one punishing her."

He chuckles gleefully

Maura thinks hard for a minute, she has heard of something like this before. It was something like 'Gaslighting'. Only all the psychological cases she read about, it was done by someone close and personal, like a family member, and also done very slowly, over months or years. Maybe in Jane's current emotional state combined with her past history with Casey it had created an ideal environment for him to get more access to her mentally and emotionally...according to him anyway. She suppresses a shudder and looks down at her hands.

"I wonder if they will let me visit her in a mental institute."

Maura bites her tongue just before she calls him 'mental'.

"Shall we go and see how she is doing?"

* * *

The car ride is nice, fresh air and sunshine suddenly feel like a release from hell to her.

Casey parks the car just outside the Boston Common. Its an area Maura and Jane once spent much time together talking, jogging or just relaxing and Maura immediately spots Jane on their park-bench about 300 feet away. Well it's not really 'their' park-bench...but it is a spot they tended to have quite a few meaningful conversations.

Jane's knees are pulled to her chest and her elbow is on the back part of the seat and she rests her head on her palm and stares into the distance. She looks worn out.

Casey watches her intently before smiling to himself. Maura knew of the psychopath smirk, a subtle smirk they give when they got their own way or their agenda of seeing another person harmed was fulfilled, Maura had hoped that Casey was not a psychopath, that he had instead had a mental break. She wasn't so sure now as he seemed to look for and relish in anything that appeared like Jane was hurting.

"How much more are you going to put her through?" Maura asks suddenly. It was a double edged question, on one hand it was how long Jane would suffer and on the other hand it was how long she would be forced to watch Jane suffer, which hurt her as much as any physical harm inflicted to her directly.

Casey doesn't turn to Maura, he keeps his gaze on Jane, like a movie he didn't want to miss a second of it, or like a lion watching a gazelle, "However long it takes."

Maura looked back at Jane, she hadn't moved, Lord only knows how long she had been sitting their already today. Then there is movement in the rough direction Jane is looking, it's Frankie in his police blues as he strides confidently in her direction. He is right in front of her before she senses his presence but she doesn't move till he places his hand on her shoulder and sits beside her.

Casey pulls out a parabolic electronic listening device and puts the window down a smidgen to poke it out and point it in their direction. The voices that come through the radio are slightly crackly but clear enough to hear every noise. The first noise is Jane's sigh.

"How long do you plan to sit here today Janie?"

Jane doesn't answer but loosely shrugs her left shoulder like she always does.

Frankie stares at his sister like he doesn't know what else to say. In the past few weeks every question he asks has caused or almost cased an over-reaction. Are you ok? Is met with loud angry sarcasm, and 'of course she isn't ok', how could she be alright, her best friend is still missing. A normal question to ask but a silly one. If he says that they will find Maura she screams that 'no-one knows that for sure'. If he suggests that everyone is doing everything they can she breaks down in tears 'that everything is not enough'. She is not her usual self with her usual responses. But she is usually here when she is upset so Frankie can find her. He takes that knowledge that she is ok with him finding her. That maybe she want's to talk.

"Have you eaten?" He finally asks hoping she won't bite his head off.

"Yes." She grumbles in reply, "I'm eating, I'm showering. I'm doing all the things that I have to do to stop everyone harassing me and worrying about me as well as Maura."

Maura closes her eyes at this, she cannot believe how unselfish this act alone is by Jane. Jane, who would starve herself with worry, had forced herself to eat just so her family don't worry twice as hard. But Maura also knows that it means Jane will think she isn't doing enough to find her friend. A sacrifice she makes for her mother mostly.

Jane clears her throat, "I didn't realize how much time I spend with her. Until now and she is gone." Frankie can only nod. None of them realized how much Maura was involved in their entire family until she wasn't there anymore.

Jane closes her eyes and a single tear falls down her cheek and she just lets it run and doesn't stop it or hide it.

"We'll get her back, Janie." Frankie tries to comfort her.

He doesn't say alive but he believes she will be.

"Do you think she likes us Frankie?"

"Are you kidding Janie, she thinks we are the best thing that ever happened to her."

Jane half smiles and Frankie nudges her in the arm.

"You are pretty much all she talks about when you aren't around."

"Do you think she'd ever go away and not want us to know where she was?"

Frankie frowns deeply, "No. What gave you an idea like that?"

Jane hugs her knees tighter, "Just something Casey said."

"Casey?" Frankies eyebrows almost merge with his hairline, "That's a name I haven't heard in a long time."

"Yeah," Jane sighs again and turns her head to face him, "He is back in Boston."

Frankie has always shown all his expressions on his face, and he can't hide the disgust and surprise that show.

"Wow. Well he is wrong...and I don't much like him. He doesn't know Maura at all."

A sigh and then silence as they both gather their individual thoughts.

"Jane..." Frankie starts again, "What if Maura's abduction...is personal?"

Jane opens her eyes and stares into the distance.

Frankie watches her lack of response for a moment before continuing, "We have looked at every possible scenario and even that it could be completely random. But random doesn't fit anymore."

"It is personal" Jane whispers to herself

"We know they want your attention...but why you. And Maura...well, she doesn't open her door to just anyone. It had to be someone she knew"

Jane doesn't even blink.

"What if it's directed at you?" Frankie finally blurts out.

This gets a reaction. Jane half sobs half cries out "NO." Frankie jumps a little in surprise. Jane puts her face into her palm and bites her lip to silence both herself and her thoughts.

Frankie continues a little more cautiously, "But Jane, it wouldn't be the first time that-"

"Frankie don't," Jane's voice breaks completely, "Please don't say that. I can't...I couldn't...I -I wouldn't... if...if Maura was h-hurt because of...because of _me_."

Maura's heart flip flops inside her chest and she fights back a sob. She turns to see Casey as he sits calmly and smugly watching the scene play out.

"I'm sorry Janie." Frankie whispers realizing the implications of his words. He had thought that loosing Maura was the worst thing that could ever happen to Jane, but the worst thing would actually be if Jane lost Maura and it was somehow Jane's fault.

Jane shakes her head side to side in her hand like she is shaking away her thoughts. Her lips quivers as she fights to contain her feelings.

After a moment she gets a semblance of control back and lets out a breath in a way that sounds like it might be hard to simply breathe.

"Frankie, I-I can't breathe."

He looks at her and she turns to look at him for a moment. He can tell she is breathing fine but its shallow and rapid like that one time she broke three ribs.

"It hurts to breathe." Jane clarifies, "Every time I think about her it's like I...I can't seem to get enough air." Jane clenches her hand into a tight fist. Maura clenches her hands into fists as well to hold in the tears that threaten to escape.

She has to tell someone how much she is struggling, someone other than Casey. She isn't close to blacking out but maybe she wishes she could right now. Frankie studies her carefully. He looks worried.

"It's alright Jane, just relax. Ok."

And Jane does, she focuses on breathing, on yoga, on relaxing, calm like in a mud bath in the forest, and her thoughts take her back to Maura again. To happiness now so far away she can grasp it but not hold onto it. And she whimpers and tightens her fists until they hurt.

"Jane. You are ok" Frankie watches her carefully as she begins to calm down, "You aren't going to do anything...you know...stupid...are you?"

Maura feels like her heart break. After what Casey said she can't help but worry. She never thought Jane could ever be suicidal before...before this. Jane had gone through several lifetimes of trouble and pain and always come out the other side somehow. With her family and friends she had found a way through everything. But she had been so upset when Frost died, and she only knew him for a few years. She had run in front of moving cars to get to hallucinations of him. How much worse might she be if it was Maura that Jane lost. Maura that she had known for a little over eleven years now. Maura, her very best friend in the world. Maura heard the sound of herself swallow as she waited to hear Jane's response.

Jane let out a shaky breath and played with her lip between her teeth in thought.

"I don't know if she is alive..." Jane looks up into her little brothers eyes, she see's the love and compassion in them, she knows what he is implying and she knows that if anything ever happened to her...for whatever reason...it would be her brother that would be responsible for delivering the news to everyone, "...no, I don't think I will."

Maura can't sit there and take it anymore, she can't do nothing, so she lets out a blood-curdling scream.

* * *

...to be continued...


	12. Chapter Tw3lv3

_"_ _I will scream." Maura threatens holding the results behind her back._

_"_ _I had two younger brothers and went to loud public schools. Your screaming won't bother me."_

_Maura takes a step backwards, "I am warning you Jane."_

_Jane can only laugh, "Ok. Consider me warned...now let me see them."_

_Maura takes another step backwards and grazes the wall. In a few seconds Jane is going to know if it was a bluff or not._

_"_ _You told me not to let you see."_

_"_ _I changed my mind."_

_"_ _You wanted it to be a surprise."_

_"_ _I. Changed. My. Mind."_

_"_ _I will scream."_

_Jane pulls her lips together to hold in a laugh and she watches the look on Maura's face. It's just short of terror._

_"_ _Have you ever 'screamed' before Maura?"_

_Maura straightens herself and her face goes stern. She hates to be the butt of Jane's humor and she is pretty sure the nerd who never joined in on games that were higher than 50 decibels would be the topic of humor for some time._

_"_ _Screaming is not proper behavior." She says as she presses her back against the wall pinning the folder between her body and the wall._

_"_ _I can't imagine you screaming. I can't even imagine you having a tantrum."_

_Maura glares at her friend wishing she had a fantastic comeback._

_Jane takes a final step forward and her body is almost flush with Maura's and she licks her lips._

_Maura blinks but makes no move to fight._

_Jane leans forward slowly to whisper in Maura's ear, the air tickling Maura's neck, "That is a very quiet scream Maura."_

_Jane is so close Maura can feel the heat from her body. Her heart speeds up and she swallows._

_She feels Jane's arm circle her waist and the tug of the folder on her fingers as it leaves her grasp._

_She is sure her temperature has increased significantly and she feels light-headed._

_Jane leans away and Maura can take a breath and watches Jane._

_Maura watches as Jane flips the folder open. She watches Jane's eyes as they sparkle. She see's the brightest smile appear that she has ever seen Jane wear._

_"_ _I'm having a boy. Maura. I'm having a baby boy." She squeals in excitement._

_Jane pulls Maura into a hug and spins her around before planting her feet back on the ground and letting her catch her breath._

_"_ _Omg. Maura. It's a boy."_

* * *

Maura screams as loud as she possibly can.

It's a scream that she hopes Jane can hear.

It's a scream that causes Casey to drop his gun and spin around in complete surprise.

It's a scream that makes her throat and lungs burn.

It's the sort of scream that might reach into your ear and poke a hole into your brain.

If this is screaming then Maura knows she has never truly screamed before.

It's the sort of scream you hear in a park and panic that someone is in danger.

And through the glass barrier of the car and across half a carpark and up a small rise fighting against a strong breeze...it is a scream that catches Jane's ear.

Jane turns her head to the right the moment she hears it.

Casey instinctively punches Maura in the mouth to stop her screaming and it works, she is momentarily stunned and sore and blood runs down her chin dripping in a pool on her neckline. The shock passes quickly and she knows she has to get Jane's attention, but Casey is all over her, almost sitting on her.

She fights and he tells her to stop, but she won't, she already started and this time she won't stop. She still tries to fight him off with her arms, the only part she can move in the confined space. Her arms just bounce off him like they are made of foam and he doesn't even flinch. She tries to scream again but only gets out a squeak before Casey manages to grab a fistful of hair on her scalp and tugs it hard. Hard enough to almost lift her from her seat. The pain shoot across her skull and she tries to reach up and grab the hair to stop the pain. His arms are in the way and he tugs again. Maura whimpers and stops wiggling as he uses her hair like reins to maneuver her to where he can control her again.

Maura doesn't resist, the burning is too much, she follows his hand as he moves to climb off her and sit back in the drivers seat. And for a moment neither move, Casey quickly assessing the situation and Maura holding as still as she can.

He holds her tightly and the tears that trickle down her cheeks have already affected her vision. For the next few moments, at least, she cant see what Casey is doing.

Jane did hear something like a scream, distant and muffled. It was short and ended suddenly. Maybe it was a kid or a baby, she can't be sure where it came from or how far it carried exactly. She stands up and scans her surroundings carefully.

Frankie stands up beside her and looks around them as well.

Jane spots a light silver grey car a few hundred feet away with two people inside that appear to be having some sort of a fight. She sucks in a breath. She wonders if that was the cause of the scream. She wonders if she should go over and see. Frankie turns to look in the direction his sister is looking.

Jane's legs begin to move towards the offending car without her thinking logically about it, and her hand moves to the handle of her gun of it's own accord.

Casey see's the siblings looking at him and he knows he has to leave...immediately. If it was just Jane he might play it very differently, but there are two of them. Two on one with him disadvantaged by an unsecured hostage. He played to win and these were not good odds. This little game is over for today.

He starts the car and gives it some gas pulling it turns towards the exit.

The car has no plates and when Jane hears the engine start she feels like it must mean something. Her gumshoe thing. Her gut says to find out and she picks up her pace un-clipping the button on her belt that locks her gun in place.

The car turns so that the passenger window is parallel to them and for a moment, when the glare is gone, Jane can see into the passenger window. A face. A woman. Terrified. Blonde hair holding her in place by a large fist. The woman's eyes meet hers just for a second and a small bloody hand presses against the glass on the inside.

"Maura" Jane screams.

The events from yesterday flood back. She thought that dead woman was Maura. She could have believed it was. Maybe everyone will look like Maura. Maybe for the rest of her life she will see glimpses of her friend everywhere. Maybe it's a trick of her mind...like with Frost.

She blinks but the woman doesn't change.

Frankie who was moving at the same speed right behind Jane pulls out his phone, "It looks like Maura."

Jane, hearing confirmation that it isn't all in her head, starts to sprint as fast as she can. The car picks up speed and moves away from them faster than Jane could possibly run.

Even if she hadn't paused for a moment there was no way she could catch up to them.

Every second beyond that the distance increases.

Every second causes Jane's heart to pound faster, only not from exertion.

But because, every second, Maura is torn further away from her...once again.

Jane doesn't stop running even though the car has vanished into the horizon somewhere.

* * *

Disobedience equals harsh treatment.

It reminds Maura of how a child learns. A smack on the hand for reaching for something out of bounds. A tug of the arm that says you aren't moving fast enough. When you hear you full name and you know you did what you were explicitly told not to do.

Casey pulls Maura by her wrist across the drivers seat and out of the car so hard that she wonders if her shoulder is still in the socket. She loses her footing twice on the stairs but he just drags her behind him like a rag doll. He pushes her against the wall to unlock the door and she knows there will be bruises. There is no gentleness, there is no form of care.

Two steps inside the door and she is no longer behind him, he propels her towards the mattress. Her old lumpy friend catches her and she feels safe again. As safe as she can feel in this tiny fear-filled world of Casey's.

The lesson is that disobedience will hurt...a lot.

She watches as he approaches her again, the safe world shattering against the look in his eyes.

Sharp. Gleaming. Like steel.

Hostile. Malevolent. Astringent. Supercilious.

His eyes squint as he lunges forward. Maura rolls into a tight ball hoping to protect her vital organs and hide her face from his gleaming eyes.

She feels the mattress dip under his weight and his hand grabs her ankle. She wants to kick. Blindly kick and hope to break his nose or simply to get him to leave her alone. But she knows she is no match for him in strength or skill.

She feels the shackle thrusted against her leg with unnecessary force and hears it clang shut and the click of the bolt sliding into the shackle.

And then his presence is distant again. She can't be sure how distant until she untangles herself to look for him and for a few moments she stays curled up with her back to him.

For a few long moments she just doesn't move.

* * *

Jane knows it's mostly hopeless as she lost sight of the car more than ten minutes ago, but her brain hasn't caught up with her feet yet.

She keeps going even though her calves and lungs burn. She is too tired to think. Too sore to cry. Yet she feels too guilty too stop.

Korsak pulls his car in front of her and she finally stops running to avoid colliding with the door. "Get in" Korsak yells and she obeys without a word.

Korsak squeals his tires as he gets his car back on the road and carries on in the direction Jane was running.

He knows he won't catch them now, but he knows they won't give up either.

A sliver of hope that is much too large to ignore.

Jane rocks back and forth looking at everything and nothing, her eyes darting left and right like a terrified animal.

"It was her, it was her, it was her."

* * *

When Maura finally moves she does so cautiously. But Casey isn't interested in her. He sits in his chair looking at his papers and tapping his fingers against his knee.

Maura firstly tries to tend to her mouth. She can't tell the damage done until the swelling goes down so she just pats the swollen area with a damp towel and hisses in pain at the touch. The dried blood doesn't come off easy in cold water. She isn't sure if she should feel a little happy that all her teeth feel intact considering she might not live long enough for anyone to see her smile again.

On the drive back Casey had calmly informed Maura that he won't take her outside again and that he will make her pay for her insolence. Maura can only hope he doesn't direct his anger, or whatever it is, at Jane.

She is fairly sure Jane heard her. She can only hope it helps somehow.

Next Maura runs her hand up and across her shoulder, it's tender but not dislocated. Her other shoulder and arm are tender with bruising but she doesn't care about that right now. The throbbing on her scalp is her current priority. In part because of vanity but also because the pain is moving behind her eyes and down her neck.

She tries to run her fingers through her hair but finds it is matted in a clump on top of her head and it is too tender too poke.

There is a little blood but she isn't sure if her or Casey transferred it there from her mouth during the struggle. At least there is no fresh blood.

She spends the next few hours cautiously watching Casey who is either sitting or pacing the room, while she gently de-tangles the dread careful to only cause herself minimal pain. A few small clumps of hair have come out in her hands but nothing as concerning as she had expected.

* * *

Two helicopters fly back and forth over the city looking for the silver grey car.

Frankie searches the car park itself and then carefully checks every street along the original route Jane ran checking side streets as he goes.

At the same Nina checks camera's in the area for any silver grey cars with no plates.

Jane and Korsak continue to drive around partly at random.  
They don't speak except for the occasional 'check down there'.

Nina reports any suspicious vehicles from the camera's and Korsak immediately goes to investigate. Several silver grey cars later, none are the one they are looking for.

Every moment that passes Jane's heart sinks a little further and her brain continuously tries to make sense of everything, to link the random clues into some conclusive theory or order.

"Anything Nina?"

"Sorry Jane. Nothing yet. I promise i'm not leaving until I found something."

* * *

The silence is so unusually long that when Casey does speak, Maura is startled by it.

"I suppose you've done me a favor Doctor. Now she will think you're alive...for a little bit."

"She thinks I'm alive?" Maura says feeling her heart beat faster.

Was it worth it after all? It hadn't been a waste of effort.

It's only then that Casey realizes Maura wouldn't have seen Jane chasing after the car because she had been pinned to the back of the seat. He studies her for a moment rubbing his finger over his bottom lip in thought.

He watches the sparkle of hope in her eyes. He also see's it disappear when he stands up and faces her. He notices her swallow. He sits down again and see's the relief cross her face. He would care that he could toy with her this way if it's wasn't Jane that was his intended target.

If it was Jane sitting there chained to the bed under his control, he knows her reactions would be different. Her feelings would be hidden, her outward persona strong, her thoughts calculated. Or would it?

Maura was an open book right now. Yet Jane had told Casey of Maura's interview with Hoyt and how careful she was to mask everything, to hide her feelings and force the truth out of him without him even knowing because she could read his face, his reactions, while hiding her own. Jane had said she 'admired' Maura's lack of fear of her personal tormentor, and also Maura's psychological skills, and not just with Hoyt. Jane had said Maura was even teaching her to read people's micro expressions better. Jane had annoyed him by going on and on about Maura's big brain and skills, her charities, and also her wardrobe. Yet this Maura sitting before him was not the Maura Jane had so often described to him. This Maura was showing insecurity, uneasiness and fear, unrestrained hope, anger and distrust. He wondered how different Jane would be if she were his captive for the same amount of time and if it was Maura that Jane knew he was taunting. He wonders if Jane would be this openly vulnerable to his face.

* * *

After two and a half hours everyone went back to the station to go over the developments.

An hour after that Nina's computer alerted her that the cleaned up image of the thief from Arcroft Funeral Home had failed to be identified through facial recognition on any local databases. The cleaned up image was not great but still better but the sunglasses still made him indistinguishable. Nina still started a broader search on all databases.

And after Jane had been unable to find any person that had a grudge against her, it was time to call in more manpower before whoever had Maura could try to get out of Boston.

"This is personal," Jane says to a room packed with officers, "This person is following me personally. It is someone that also knows personal details about Dr. Isles. This un-sub is local and knows the Boston area well, including parks, funeral homes, the city streets. He can steal a body and move it halfway across the city in a car with no plates. He is not afraid of us.

A few officers take notes while Jane makes sure to eyeball every one of them, letting them know how serious this really is.

"He drives with his abducted vict...with Dr. Isles...around the city in broad daylight."

Her voice catches in the back of her throat, this is the worst profiling on the worst possible case and she hates it.

"We have gone through all my cases, past and present, past and potential grudges, my history and my emails and none of them fit this abduction. But there are no coincidences. None..."

Jane pauses, she knows they still have very little to go on, the whole case has been like this.

Korsak steps forward, "So, be vigilant. Whatever you are doing, you need to be on the lookout as well. If you assigned to tail detective Rizzoli then look out for anything suspicious. If you are driving the streets check out every person, every car, every store. This person will come back out of hiding and we need to be ready this time. Now get to work."

* * *

...to be continued...


	13. Chapter Th1rt33n

_"_ _Maura. What are you doing?"_

_Maura doesn't move. She keeps her eyes closed and blanket drawn up to her neck._

_"_ _I am meditating."_

_Jane taps her fingers against her leg a few times, "Are you done?"_

_Maura snorts a laugh at the usual impatience of her closest companion, "What is on your mind, Jane?"_

_Jane massages her palms as she stares at the ceiling, "Do you have any regrets?"_

_"_ _I suppose I do."_

_"_ _You do? You're so calm and put-together. Every decision you make seems to work out well."_

_"Hmmm," Maura contemplates, "Other than...dating serial killers or criminals, ending up in prison...oh and getting married when I was drunk...other than that, I think I would agree with you."_

_Jane giggles, "Oh I forgot about the last one."_

_Maura joins Jane in a good laugh._

_Their chuckles die out after a few minutes._

_"_ _Do_ _you_ _have regrets Jane?"_

_Jane rolls onto her side so she faces Maura's profile, "I have a lot of regrets."_

_Maura turns her head and is met by big brown and slightly sad eyes, "You have never said anything before Jane."_

_"_ _I know. Just since...you know...the baby. I wonder if it has all been worth it."_

_"_ _What would you change?"_

_Jane sighs heavily, "All of it. Maybe. How easy life would have been if I had become...I don't know...a plumber."_

_Maura rolls onto her side and faces Jane, "I don't think I would like that very much, Jane."_

_The corners of Jane's mouth move upward forming a smile, "Oh..._ _You_ _wouldn't like that?"_

_Maura's expression remains serious, "We would never have met."_

_They don't break eye contact and a long minute passes while Jane tries to read Maura,"Well...we might have...I mean, you do have at least one toilet in you house. Or abode thing."_

_This gets Jane a smile which quickly fades again._

_"_ _If we did met in passing...we wouldn't be friends, not like we are now."_

_Jane frowns slightly at the sadness in Maura's eyes, "I suppose." She thinks for a moment carefully before smiling softly, "In that case...maybe I can live with all my regrets."_

_Janes smile is subtle but it's there and it isn't a teasing joking smile and Maura smiles inside because of it and what Jane said._

_"I'm sure all the other people you have helped would be happy to know that as well."_

_"_ _What do you regret Maura?" Jane says as she breaks eye contact and wiggles to get more comfortable shifting her forehead a little closer to Maura._

_"_ _Well," Maura smiles slightly, "I do regret something I didn't do earlier."_

_"_ _What did you do that you should have done earlier?"_

_"_ _I haven't done it yet."_

_Jane squeezes her eyes closes and sighs, "Maura, how is it possible you even manage to make regrets complicated?"_

_Maura crosses her arms and rolls onto her back again, "I am not making anything complicated."_

_"_ _You can regret something you have done, or didn't do, you can't regret something you haven't even done yet?"_

_"_ _I can, because when I do do it, if it works out, I will wish I had done it earlier."_

_"But..._ _If you did do it earlier it might not work out the same as if you did it later. Whatever_ _it_ _is." Jane says with an annoyed tone and waves her arms around to exasperate her point. "Then it is possible you might regret not waiting to do it later. Or that you did it at all if it doesn't work out. And it will then be in the past so then you would be regretting something you had actually done which you would now be telling me about and I wouldn't be regretting bringing this up in the first place." Jane ends her speech with an intake of air and an exasperated sigh and Maura laughs softly solely at her annoyance. She can't help it. The detective is so cute when she is annoyed._

_"_ _Maybe..." Maura says as she rolls on her side again facing Jane, "There is only one problem with that Jane."_

_"_ _Do I want to ask what the problem is?" Jane says rolling her eyes and closing them before wiggling down into the blankets again to get even more comfortable._

_Maura studies Jane's face as it slowly relaxes, all frustration fading. Her eyebrows even out and her jaw relaxes. Maura moves closer until her forehead is almost touching Jane's. She can tell Jane is starting to drift off to sleep by her breathing and the soft sigh that escapes her lips._

_Maura almost whispers "If I had done it earlier and it didn't work out well...we would not be having this conversation."_

_Jane smiles softly, part of her wants to continue the debate, the other part is curious to know more about what_ _it_ _is, and the rest of her just wants to sleep in this soft warm comfortable bed beside her best friend. She always feels calmer and safer than normal when Maura is this close to her physically although she hasn't yet figured out why._

_Maura continues to watch Jane's expression. She can tell Jane is trying to fight off sleep and focus on her response. She watches as ever so slowly...sleep wins out._

_And when she is confident Jane can't hear her, Maura reaches out and lets her tips of her fingers graze the side of Jane's cheek slowly. And she whispers, "I love every minute I spend with you Jane. I regret that I haven't told you how I really feel about you because I really want to spend every minute of the rest of my life with you."_

* * *

"I took the wrong woman," Casey grumbles his face taunt and eyebrows furrowed together in thought, "I regret that."

Maura tries to hide her own frown, occupying the same space as this man has been truly testing her social skills. For the most part she cannot understand his changing behavior and cognitive patterns.

Casey looks back at her slightly puzzled, "Based on your uncharacteristic behavior Dr. Isles, I think It is possible that I could have harmed Jane more by taking her instead of you. Strange isn't it?"

Maura looks at her feet. She won't assume that he is right, she only knows in part how Jane is feeling based on what she heard, seen in photo's, on television and what Casey has told her, however true. But he might just be right because she loathes every single second of this, not knowing what he was doing to Jane was the worst part, even more than what was happening to her own self.

She tried to imagine what Jane would be thinking if she was sitting on this mattress chained to this bed with Casey plotting to harm her best friend. Would Jane be as distraught not knowing what was happening...or what was. Would Jane be coping as badly as she has been. Or would Jane be brave and cunning and find a way out physically or psychologically. Would she play to him, would she be seductive so he wouldn't harm her friends and family. Could she out play him, would she. Or could Casey destroy her in a completely different way. What things would Casey make her to to save herself, or them...what things would Jane do for Maura.

She didn't want to think about it. About what Casey was capable of.

"You don't know me." Maura growls at him defensively, "And you don't know Jane."

Casey raises one eyebrow at her and she glares back at him.

"I thought her not knowing who took you would drive her crazy...but you, knowing it is me and what I am capable of, seems even more effective than I imagined was possible. Or perhaps I underestimated the bond between you both."

Casey picks up a photo of Jane and scowls at the smiling face in the picture, "And...the things I could have done to her if she were here. She might be a bitch but she has a killer body. You know that don't you?"

Maura imagines Casey's uncaring harsh and cruel hands forcefully and un-consented on Jane's soft tender body and her stomach turns.

Casey drops the photo which drifts onto the ground.

Then he turns to face Maura, "I know what to do..."

Maura swallows and looks up at him.

He smiles wickedly back at her, "...I can have you both."

* * *

At 1:10pm Jane receives an email from a bogus email address :- ticktockjane

The body of the email simply and painfully says

**Detective Rizzoli. You haven't figured it out yet? I was under the impression you were good at what you do.**

**It's your move.**

**Someone is depending on you and time is running out.**

The attached photo is of Maura and she looks terrified.

Wide eye's in horror, nose flared and mouth open like she is on the verge of a scream. Arms out in front of her defensively. Protectively. Her lip is cut, bruised cheek and her hair is matted, her top bloody and torn. It's the sort of photo one might see on the cover of a thriller movie...only this isn't staged, there is no director, no acting. The fear, the terror, it's all real.

It's a message to her...just like when Hoyt cut his hand on camera right before he came for her.

Her stomach is in her throat and her whole body feels like ice.

Jane doesn't even have time to tell anyone about the email before she races ungracefully to the bathroom releasing a sound that gets everyones, within earshot, attention.

Several minutes later when Jane re-emerges from the bathroom she is red eyed and looks like she has been crying. Officers glance at her somewhat surprised. She ignores them all, she doesn't care what they think about her, she doesn't care if her reputation is in tact at the end of this...only one thing matters now...Maura's life.

She approaches her desk to find Nina sitting calmly at her computer. Jane clears her throat and Nina stands and without a word, her eyes a little moist, she pulls Jane by her arm into her own tech room and then into a tight hug.

Jane doesn't resist it, but she doesn't accept it either. She cannot let down her composure right now because she will find it too hard to pick up again. She swallows the lump in her throat. She needs inhumane strength to find Maura against all odds before time runs out. And she doesn't know how much time that is.

Nina pulls back and looks at Jane, it's like she knows what Jane is going through and doesn't need to say a word. Jane gives her a weak smile yet her eyes are full of serious questions.

"IP address from the email is bouncing from canada to china and everyplace in between. I'm sorry Jane, this guy is a pro."

Jane huffs out her nose, she isn't surprised, she doesn't expect to get a break on this case.

"Photo is legit and was taken today. Nothing else helpful in the metadata" Nina adds.

Jane shakes her head softly and sits down almost ready to accept defeat.

"I'm sorry Jane."

Jane rubs her face with the palms of her hands, "So nothing?"

"We will find something."

Korsak arrives a minute later and puts a hand on Jane's shoulder causing her to jump in surprise.

"Jane, who is this guy? Who would be doing this to you?"

"I don't know. Damn it." She growls, "I have tried to think of every person I know and I don't believe any of them would do this. Would even be capable of something like this." Jane slumps in the chair. She has pushed away all the feelings that it's personal because she knows it is personal, but focusing on it will most certainly break her. If something happened to Maura.

"Who talks about how good you are at your job?"

"Me. You. My mother. This department. I don't know..."

"And Maura." Korsak adds

"Maura." Jane mimics, and again she wonders if it is personal to Maura and not her. A deep unrealistic hope that this isn't her fault. That this is to punish Maura, and that means maybe she has a chance to stop it. But who could hate Maura, who would want to hurt her. Who would know how to hurt Maura...they have Maura so why would they need to play games. She growls under her breath. No...there was something else, something deeper. Nothing in Maura's past fitted with any of this anyway. They were still clutching at straws.

"Wait," Jane says loudly, "What makes you think it's a guy?"

Korsak scratches the back of his neck, "Well, It was a guy that stole the body and tried to pass it off as Maura."

Jane stands up angrily, the chair rolling behind her and colliding with the wall, "What? Why are you only telling me this now?"

"There was no definitive connection between the two cases yesterday."

"No define-..." Jane took a deep breath, getting angry that no-one believed her that they were connected was not going to get them anywhere right now, "You got an ID on the guy?"

"No. No hits. The footage is really bad Jane."

Jane scoffs, "Let me see."

Korsak nods to Nina who brings up the footage and plays it. Jane watches in silence as the grainy footage plays, a man in coveralls, hat and sunglasses breaks into the funeral home.

"Who is that?" Jane whispers angrily.

Korsak watches her with interest, he watches the emotion on her face, the anger, pain, confusion, a slight hint of recognition that vanishes again.

"Is that..." The footage is to grainy to be sure, to even be close to sure.

Then the man re-emerges with a covered body on a trolley, and then she can't immediately see past the memories of how she saw that body less than 5 hours later. She can only imagine how he might move Maura's body in the same way. Uncaringly. Roughly. Angrily.

She wonders if this unsub has Maura captive himself or if he is working for someone else.

How many hundreds of people had she met over the past eight years.

How many of them how she allowed closer to her than she should have.

How many of them had her Mother gossiped to about her family.

It could be anyone...almost anyone.

But it isn't anyone.

It could be someone Hoyt trained years ago to get revenge. It could be one of Alice Sands groupies from the tunnels. It could be a family member of someone she locked up, or a grief-stricken family member of a homicide case she worked. It could be one of the Fairfields coming after her. Her head starts to spin at the spirals it is going through.

She studies the movements trying to understand who this person is that is trying sending her a personal message. See's the slight limp occasionally, she see's the heavy build and the calculated movements. It reminds her of Bobby and she shudders. Trained but dirty cop. But Bobby is dead. She shot him before he could hurt anyone else. And the guy is this footage has a very white complexion ruling out a lot of the department. Considering the changes to the dispatch and her getting calls...it could easily be someone in the department. Crowe. Davies. Lewis. Talbot. Duncan. Forman. Guthrie. Burns.

But for the few comments she had hurled at them or them at her...would they really risk losing their job...or worse...going to prison. She doubted it. Plus the department heavily vetted their people.

This unsub moved more like a member of the SWAT team than the police. Or the Navy maybe. Military even.

It is someone that knows her, and probably that she knows. Her brain runs through lists of people she knows that might be even mildly upset with her, filtered to only white males this time. Again she comes up empty handed.

She can't think of anyone that hates her enough to do this.

Jane's broken voice finally breaks the silence, "Send a reply."

"What?" Nina and Korsak reply in unison looking at each other

"Tell that asshole he can have me instead."

* * *

The reply from the unsub was not immediate but, when it came, several things happened.

Jane's heart beat double time, from fear and also from relief. This was the closest they had been to anything in four weeks.

Jane also became very aware that she valued Maura's life more than her own. Maybe she always knew, maybe she knew when Hoyt attacked Maura, but this time it was a fully conscious decision, even if she hadn't expected the unsub to take her up on her offer. She _was_ going to take Maura's place. This wasn't a split second decision where she didn't think about the consequences. She knew maybe too well what she was accepting...and why.

Frankie tried to talk Jane out of it. Of course he did. He cared for Maura, but Jane was his sister, his flesh and blood. He also knew what she was accepting. His secret nightmares from when Jane joined the force were quickly becoming a reality. But Jane would not be dissuaded and the look in her eyes when she put her hand assertively on her brothers arm and said 'I'm so sorry.' had told him that.

'Frankie. Don't let Ma find out...ever.' Was her final request of him.

Korsak started organizing a team, without thought or question to _if_ it was or was not a good idea. Maybe he himself had already concluded that this maybe their one and only shot, or maybe he just knew Jane too well.

And Cavanaugh was brought up to speed.

"No" he had said. "It's too risky."

"I will take the risk" Jane had replied softly choosing not to get defensive at this point.

"No." He had said again. Jane just looked at him, no anger, no defiance, just waiting.

Cavanaugh shook his head, picked up and re-read the emails.

**-Detective Rizzoli. You haven't figured it out yet? I was under the impression you were good at what you do.  
** **It's your move.  
** **Someone is depending on you and time is running out.-**

**-You want me. Let Maura go and take me instead.-**

**-Be at the train station at 9am. Go to the ticket counter and ask for a note for you. No weapons, no tricks. Come alone or I will kill Maura.-**

"Sean," Jane pleads, "Please, It is the only way."

Cavanaugh looks at her, his eyes almost begging her not to ask him for this.

"I have got to get Maura back. We've got nothing else."

He shakes his head trying to come up with a good argument.

Sending his best detective into an unknown situation like this is just a bad idea.

On top of that, he cares for her like a daughter even though he always has to remain professional.

Jane stands up straighter, "I am going to do this, Sean. I guess the question is whether I am doing it as a detective or as a civilian."

Cavanaugh sighs heavily. He purses his lips together. He knew how stubborn Jane was especially when she had made up her mind already, her determination is the reason he respects her so much, her dedication the reason she is so good at her job. How can she be the best if he denies her the things that make her excellent. If it was his daughter standing in front of him, he would want to both help her and protect her. And with Jane there was only one way to do both.

"Fine. But I want this by the book Jane. This will be Korsaks operation and if it goes sideways, you remember that it will be his job on the line. By the book Jane. You got that?"

"Thank you" she breathes as she puts her arms around his shoulders in gratitude. She could kiss him but she won't.

She has work to do.

* * *

...to be continued...


	14. Chapter Fourt33n

 

_"_ _You were wearing Kevlar Jane?"_

_"_ _Yeah, I was. I took it off in the elevator after I was shot...to cover Tasha. She was going hypothermic from shock."_

_"_ _And you were worried he might shoot her?"_

_"_ _Yeah. He was after her...not me."_

_"_ _Except you put yourself in front of him, with no protection yourself." Maura says with a hint of anger. She hates it when Jane puts herself in danger even though she thought she would be used to it by now._

_"_ _To protect her. To stop him. I couldn't stay in the elevator. We were sitting ducks in there. I had to...to stop him." Jane's voice is raised and defensive._

_Maura takes a breath herself, "It's ok Jane. Just relax."_

_Jane nods and calms herself._

_"_ _And then he...attacked you..."_

_Jane nods her head and holds her stomach again._

_"_ _I attacked him, with a steel bar. It was all I could find. The elevator was almost at the bottom. He was waiting for the doors to open. He was going to shoot Tasha. So I charged him...but he got it off me."_

_"You were injured Jane, you shouldn't have..." She takes a breath again, she is not to make this about her, "H_ _e punched you in the stomach?"_

_Jane nods again, "That's how he got it off me. Then he whacked me with it in the back. I was on the ground and he swung but I moved. The next one would have got me but Korsak arrived and shot him."_

_Maura almost winces at the thought of it all going down. A few more seconds and Jane would have been dead._

_"_ _You were injured already before you went to the basement and cut the power."_

_"_ _I was wearing a vest when he shot us outside...but every-time I moved afterwards it felt like a knife was cutting me up inside. So it was hard to stop him because I could barely stand up straight, I was tired and sore, and there was eleven flights of stairs Maur."_

_Jane watches Maura's face morph from professional to emotional again. Maura had seen Jane's when the paramedics brought her out of the building, she had seen her chart and x-rays in the hospital, and as a doctor she knew the tremendous pain Jane had gone through after the initial attack from the bullet. How she had pushed on anyway just hoping that someone would get there in time. Like she always did. Putting herself in danger for someone else._

_"_ _Maura...I wouldn't change anything. Tasha is alive and so am I. I did my job."_

_Maura swallows, "I know Jane. This is for the police report. I'm sorry, I can't help my feelings. Maybe I should have let Korsak do this..."_

_"No..._ _I am glad it is you." Jane whispers and her voice breaks with her own emotion._

_She reaches her hand out and takes Maura's hand gently, stroking the back of it._

_"_ _I could have lost you Jane. It causes me both grief and gratitude."_

_A tear slides down Maura's cheek as she watches the pain in Jane's countenance disappear as she puts on a brave face solely for Maura._

_"_ _Maura please...don't be upset. Please."_

_"_ _I want to be mad at you Jane. I want to make you promise to never put yourself in danger. I want to protect you so I never loose you. I am sorry I wasn't there. I'm sorry you got hurt. It hurts me so much when you are hurt."_

_Jane gives Maura that look, the one that says I know, I'm sorry, I understand. The one that says you have to understand me too. The one that says I am sorry but I also would do it again. The one that says I hope you wouldn't be mad at me for too long._

_"_ _I'm sorry Jane," Maura forces a smile, "You just...you deserve so many good things in your life."_

_Jane smiles softly, "Maybe it's for the best huh? You know...I heard that fourty percent of relationships end after a baby comes into the picture due to stress. We might have had lots of cat-fights. And I am not sure Jack would have liked being the third wheel."_

_"_ _You are making those statistics up Jane." Maura laughs softly easing the tension_

_"_ _I am making a point, Maura." Jane says with a smile_

_"_ _Well...maybe...I hate that word, but maybe it is for the best. Somehow. We will never know for sure."_

_Maura won't say it but she is glad that Casey is out of the picture now. Completely. Not that she would change the reason why if it was within her power. She never liked the way Casey treated her best friend. And she hated how much Jane loved him and put up with his figurative excrement. She worried that he might use the baby to come back into her life again. Something about him was off at times._

_"Course we won't. But we don't need to know. Because you know what. We are ok. I am alive and I will get over this. And I have you to help me."_

_"I won't leave your side." Maura jokes, "And If you ever want to have a baby in the future, I will still be there with you."_

_"Likewise Maur. And thank you."_

_"For what Jane?"_

_"For being there yesterday, for staying on the phone with Tasha, and you know...abandoning your date. And for being here for me. And mostly for keeping my mother busy today so she doesn't fuss over me."_

_Maura hated that she had been with Jack while Jane was fighting to protect their witness. That she hadn't immediately answered the phone when Jane was calling her for help. That Jane had had to wait for her while sitting in pain in an elevator with a bleeding witness on a hot-wired phone waiting for help._

_Maura squeezes Jane's hand with both of hers, "You are welcome."_

* * *

"Jane. Your vest. Now."

Jane slips into her Kevlar quickly and puts her blazer over the top. Her gun is hidden against her ankle and Korsak has her service weapon in the glovebox of the car. She won't risk appearing armed, she won't take any unnecessary risks when it comes to Maura. She won't screw up this chance.

"This is probably all part of his game. Have you run around Boston hoping he will let Maura go. He has been playing games all along Jane, don't get your hopes up ok?"

Jane nods but her determination stays firmly fixed on her face

"I do doubt he will touch you in public. So stay where there are people until you know we are all in place." Korsak adds.

Jane nods again. She hopes the circumstances will allow her to stay public and to make it easy for her team to do their job.

"All communication is working?" Korsak asks and Nina nods.

"Can you hear me through the earpiece Jane?"

"Yes." She says her impatience growing steadily as the clock ticks closer and closer to 9am.

She looks at the clock again. 8:40am.

"Jane. Everyone is in place, Do I need to remind you to do what I say at all times?"

"I got it Korsak, I should get in there."

Korsak nods, "Go. But be careful."

Jane pulls the door to the unmarked van open and climbs out checking the area first to be sure. The station is an old building, a place she always liked architecturally, but today she is only looking at people, faces. There is enough activity that no-one would notice her unless they were looking for her but not so much that she would miss a face in the crowd.

She searches for anyone suspicious as she makes her way up the steps to the entranceway.

The air escapes her in warm steamy breaths against the cold air.

The clock on the outside reads 8:45am as she passes underneath it.

She spots the ticket counter but doesn't approach it straightaway, she looks for anyone watching it, or anyone looking for her. It isn't time yet anyway.

"Korsak?" She mumbles softly

"I'm here." Is the reply

"Korsak, promise me that you will do whatever you have to for Maura...to save her."

"I'm not compromising your safety Jane."

"I need to know you will do what you have to...what I would do. I can't do this right unless I know you have my back on this."

Jane looks up into the surveillance camera's so Korsak can see her, she knows he is locked into the feed and can see her. So he can see the determination in her eyes

"Jane..."

"I couldn't ever forgive you if something happened to Maura and you could have stopped it. I need you to put her first...for me."

She hears him growl under his breath. Maybe she should have asked him this face to face, but he might have said no.

Her eyes beg him.

"Damnit Jane. Fine."

Jane blinks in relief, "Thank you Korsak"

* * *

"I can't stop him." Maura cries out loudly waking herself from a dream.

She stares into an empty room.

Her heart pounds heavily, half from the remnants of the dream and half from knowing she is alone because Casey is on his way to get Jane.

In her dream he had Jane. He had her and he was going to hurt her and she couldn't stop him.

And knowing her dream might become real she screams her frustration into the silence before she cries from feeling so helpless.

* * *

The long hand of the clock sits right before the 12 when Jane joins the cue in the ticket line. He eye's scan every corner taking in everything.

The lady behind the counter doesn't look at any of the customers in front of her. when Jane reaches the front of the line the lady says, "Where too?" like she has been doing since her shift started at 6am.

"You have a message for Jane Rizzoli."

Her eye's meet Jane's and for a moment she looks confused then realization dawns on her.

"Right. Of course. Got a call an hour ago. Wrote it here." She shuffles through some papers and produces a folded note handing it to Jane who opens it without moving.

"Who called you?"

She shrugs, "A guy. I was on a break. Figured it was a lost kid thing."

"What did he sound like? What did he say?"

She stares at Jane for a moment annoyed at the inconvenience as well as the building line behind the detective, "He sounded like a guy. Had an accent, english maybe. Just said he needed to leave an urgent message and could I write that down."

**9:15 train to Worcester.**

"I need a ticket on the next train to Worcester"

The clock says 9:12am when she is standing on the platform waiting to be whisked into the unknown.

"Ready Korsak?" Jane asks with equal parts impatient and scared. Everything since finding the body and necklace was happening so fast without her even having time to stop and catchup and breathe...yet it still wasn't happening fast enough.

"Everyone is in place."

At 9:16am the train comes to a complete stop and the doors of the first carriage open in front of her.

Jane looks up the platform at the other passengers getting on, no-one looks familiar except the four under-covers she met an hour ago. Korsak had taken extreme measures to make sure no one from their department was in the open, because whoever knew Jane probably knew who she worked with. They couldn't risk getting made.

* * *

_"_ _I'm ready. Wait. What do you guys say to each other right before you pull the string?"_

_Jane closes her eyes instead of rolling them, "_ _It's sting...Maura."_

_"_ _Sting." Maura repeated her eyes still questioning._

_Jane smiles at Maura's excitement, her hands still on Maura's arms and she says gently but seriously "We say 'don't get made'."_

_Maura smiles, "_ _I like that. 'Don't get made'."_

* * *

The doors close behind Jane and she walks to the middle to the car looking at all the passengers. Most already settling into there seats with a book or device, none interested in Jane.

She starts to make her way to the other end carefully. No one stands out to her.

"We have got officers on their way to check the stations along your route, Jane. Just hang tight."

Jane reaches the end car and turns back to face the front.

"Jane, Nina just got a hit off the burner phone. Someone just turned it on."

"Where is it?" Jane murmurs through her teeth.

"No-where near where you are or any of the stops on your route. It's near newmarket."

Jane sighs, "Maybe someone else has it."

She sits down in a vacant seat and glances out the window.

Her brain begins it's search for the answers as to why. Did he know she wasn't alone. Did he suspect something. Was Maura alive. Did he ever plan to take her. Is it part of a game. Was he taking her somewhere or taking her away from something.

Her phone starts to ring.

She almost drops it trying to get it out off her belt clip.

It's not a number she recognizes.

She takes a deep breath and answers it.

"Rizzoli."

"Detective Jane Rizzoli?" The voice she doesn't recognize questions.

"Just let her go. Ok. I'm here. Let her go and I will do whatever you want."

There is a short pause before the voice returns, "I don't understand what you are referring too. I am returning a call I received from your department yesterday. Are you Jane Rizzoli?"

"I am." Jane answers

* * *

...to be continued...


	15. Chapter F1ft33n

_"_ _Detective Jane Rizzoli?" The voice she doesn't recognize questions._

_"_ _Just let her go. Ok. I'm here. Let her go and I will do whatever you want."_

_There is a short pause before the voice returns, "I don't understand what you are referring too. I am returning a call I received from your department yesterday. Are you Jane Rizzoli?"_

_"I am." Jane answers_

The train passes it's second station en-route to Worcester and Jane looks around suspiciously, phone held tightly to her ear as the man on the other end continues.

"I am calling you regarding Lt. Col. Charles Jones."

"Oh?" Janes eyes grow wide in surprise and confusion.

"I was his Sergeant Major last year. Max Forester. I'm sorry it took me so long to call you back. I have been away."

"I...um...Ok." Jane is completely confused now, she didn't call anyone about Casey. Did she?

"What I am going to tell you is confidential. It would be better in person but there is some urgency."

"Ok." Jane mumbles rubbing her face with her free hand, she doesn't want to talk about Casey right now. She needs to find Maura.

"Lt. Col. Charles Jones went AWOL about seven months ago. This isn't on public record yet as we don't want to disgrace his name until we know exactly what happened to him."

Jane looks around the carriage again, there is no-one on a cellphone, she pulls herself to her feet and makes her way to the other end of the train while she listens.

"I was told by his team that they all went out to celebrate because he was going to be a father. Later that night things got heated, a fight broke out and Jones ended up being thrown out of the bar. And he just disappeared."

"A father?" Jane almost chokes on her question.

"Yes. His girlfriend and the mother of his child doesn't know where he is and hasn't heard from him since. He was acting out of character for over a week before he went AWOL. His girlfriend told us she told him about the pregnancy almost two weeks prior to his disappearance. His behavior was careless and erratic and he was sent for a drug test and psychological evaluation two days before he disappeared. Before the phone call, we had no idea where Lt. Col. Jones was but there was some chatter eight weeks ago that he travelled to Massachusetts state."

Jane has to sit down, she feels a little bit numb and quite sick.

She is no longer pre-occupied by the other passengers on the train.

"What..." She whispers mostly to herself, her brain trying to piece it all together.

"His son, Charlie Jr, was born just over four weeks ago."

Jane swallows and fights the tears that threaten her. She was going to have a son once.

"His...son?"

Thoughts of her own baby and loosing him fight against the present thoughts of finding Maura. Memories of Maura standing beside her in front of a tiny gravestone dedicated to the memory of her baby rip her heart just a little.

"Healthy boy and his mother is doing just fine."

The voice pulls her back to the present. She doesn't know what Casey's son has to do with Maura's abduction but the timeline fits. Four weeks ago Maura disappeared. Casey came to her work...twice. And in hindsight the things he said were really unlike him.

"Casey is here. Casey did this?"

There is silence on the other end of the line.

Jane rubs her forehead harshly, "Wha-why did you call me?" she blurts out still trying to process all the information.

Jane hears rustling of papers at the other end of the phone. "A...Lieutenant...Vince Korsak called the main headquarters. He reported that Charles Jones was in Boston and had been acting in an unusual and threatening manner. He requested information pertinent to the safety of Boston Police Departments Officers and left your name and number to contact if we couldn't reach him. It may come as a surprise to you that your name is still in Jones personnel file under emergency contacts. Based on the information I had, I needed to inform you immediately of the full situation."

"I..." She takes a slightly shaky breath and holds it before letting it out in a puff, "I was pregnant with his child four years ago. I had a miscarriage. We never spoke after that. Then my best friend disappears and a few weeks later he shows up...how could he...why..."

"I am sorry to hear that, Detective Rizzoli. We have a few units on the way to Boston Police Department as we speak. They are five hours ETA. Is there anything else I can help you with?"

"Fuck..." She breathes, her whole body is stiff with anger and her blood feels strangely warm.

If this was all to do with Casey then it is definitely her fault after all.

"Be careful detective, Casey Jones failed his last psychological evaluation."

"Fuck." She says again louder.

_"_ _You ok Rizzoli?"_ Korsaks voice comes through her earpiece

"It's Casey. Casey has Maura."

_"_ _Son of a bitch."_

* * *

_"_ _Don't laugh at me Maura." Jane is giggling as she says it, her eyes are alive and dancing like she was a kid at Christmas.'_

_Maura puts her hand over her mouth to stifle her laughter and get her own control back._

_"_ _I'm just not sure you are doing that quite right."_

_"_ _Maura...there is no right way or wrong way to make a superhero costume."_

_"_ _Conceivably...but there is definitely an incorrect way to use a sewing machine."_

_"_ _Well..." Jane growls in a playful way, "...I didn't know I was going to have to make it myself."_

_Maura smirks a little before getting composure again, "Did you really think they would have a, and I quote, 'butt-kicking crime-fighting superhero outfit, with cape, in red-socks colors' in your size at the costume store?"_

_"_ _Yes," Jane groans, "I really really did. Plus...I didn't know you were going to pick that one off my bucket list."_

_"_ _Well...I didn't know you were going to put on your bucket-list that you wanted to be a kick-ass crime-fighting superhero. At least halloween comes before the first red-socks game and you can wear it in public without looking completely silly."_

_Jane glares at Maura, "It's not silly...at least it's not on paper or in my imagination. It's very cool. If it stays together."_

_Maura smiles as she watches Jane's half-happy half-annoyed expressions as she tries to get the machine to co-operate. "Well I suppose this sewing practice is good preparation for when you have a child that would like a halloween costume that the store doesn't have."_

_"_ _Nope. Wrong. My kid would have to wear what I pick for them from the shop. Rizzoli's have simple needs."_

_"_ _Your bucket-list is far from simple Jane." Maura says raising her eyebrows and waiting for the reaction she knows she will get_

_"_ _Well it's a lot simpler than the things on yours. Climbing to the top of Kilimanjaro...really Maura?" Jane says defensively as she tugs the fabric to get it in place._

_"_ _And how is that more unfavorable or injurious than your 'navy seals hell week' thing?"_

_"_ _Oh...crap." Jane stops what she is doing and stares at Maura her wide eyes dark and anxious, "I was meant to meet Casey twenty minutes ago for dinner."_

_Maura knits her eyebrows together. The only times she had ever seen Jane panic about being tardy to anything was when Sister Winifred was at BPD or when her mother expected her somewhere on time._

_"_ _I'm sure he will understand Jane."_

_Jane stands and grabs her jacket leaving the red material still in the sewing machine and starts to race towards the door, "I'm not sure he will Maur. I'll see you later. Ok."_

_Maura grabs Jane's wrist and her friend stops and turns to face her, "Why Jane? What's wrong?"_

_Jane looks down on Maura's hand around her limp wrist and she frowns slightly in thought._

_"_ _He doesn't understand why I don't spend all of my free time with him. Why I spend any of it with anyone other than him really. Especially with you. He says he understands when it's about work but the other times he gets...upset."_

_Maura feels a little bit sick. She knows this isn't right but isn't sure if it her place to interfere._

_"_ _I worry about you...about this. What can I do Jane?"_

_Jane gives her a weak smile, "If he asks..." her tone is a little bit playful again, "...will you say I was here working on a case?"_

_"_ _Technically you were working." Maura says seriously not joking back._

_Jane smiles slightly but the worry lingers in her eyes._

_"_ _Jane, you can stay here if you want. You don't have to go."_

_Jane face softens for a moment, but then it hardens with resolve. She tugs her arm gently out of Maura's grasp._

_"_ _Will you be ok?"_

_"_ _Of course. I will call you later, Maur."_

_She shuts the door behind her and Maura puts her hand over her mouth._

* * *

"What do I do Korsak? Do I get off the train now...or get off in Worcester? Do I call him...where is he?" Jane's voice is pitchy and fearful. She is already pacing the carriage in time with the speed of her brain. Most other passengers have already moved to a different car to avoid her.

"That number you gave me...is that the only one you have for him?"

"Yes. Why? Is it off? Is it disconnected? Is it on this train? Talk to me Korsak."

"Jane. Calm down. Nina is tracking it right now."

"If he is a Worcester I have to carry this through. I have to do it alone...we can't risk scaring him off. He is...he could...damnit."

There is silence in her earpiece.

"Korsak, I will still trade places with her." Her tone is half commanding and half breaking.

"Just chill a minute will ya Jane." Korsak's calm voice is driving her crazy.

"I can't believe it's Casey...I mean...what the hell right? He was my...my boyfriend...he...he has Maura." She ends the sentence with clenched teeth and a growl causing the last two people in her car to move to another one.

Jane sits down only to stand up and start pacing again.

"Korsak...what's going on there? Tell me what to do?"

"I want you to calm down Jane. I need you in one piece. We should know in a few minutes."

Jane sits down, "Calm down. Calm down." She chants as she rubs her hands together nervously holding the phone against her ear with her shoulder. She takes two calming breaths and looks out the window. The scenery streaks past at different speeds, the closer things so blurry she can only guess they are fences and shrubs. The further away things like mountains and trees moving more slowly. It does calm her...she will find him wherever he is out there. He cannot hide.

"I'm coming for you Casey."

* * *

Casey returns with a smile. He laughed outrightly at Maura's face watching him.

"What did you do?" Maura asked, her bravery had taken a step up when she realized what his next steps were.

"Nothing yet. Did you have a request?"

He watched the expressions and micro-expressions dance across her face. Her wondering if saying anything would cause more harm or if he might be giving her a sort of dying wish. Disbelief. Fear. Pleading.

She knew which requests would be futile. Don't hurt Jane. Let me go. Stop this. Was there anything she could ask for that he would grant that would make a difference.

She is about to shake her head no but then she thinks of something. Something that would help Jane but mostly her. If one or both were to die...there was one thing she wanted.

"I want to speak to her one last time."

Casey studies her carefully. Maura watches his brain work. Working out if he could use it to his advantage. Thinking about the consequences. What Maura would want to say. What Jane would do.

After a few moments he nods, "Fine." He says it nonchalantly.

He says it like it is part of his plan.

"You will be coming with me. You can talk to her then."

Relief clouded by fear. A granted request at what cost under the control of a psychopath.

Casey starts to pack several items into a camouflage backpack. It looks like they are going soon. When he has his back turned, she slides the butterknife out from under the mattress and gently tucks it down the back of her pants securing it against her belt.

Casey zips the backpack closed and puts the shoulder strap over his shoulder and turns to look at her pensively.

"Are you letting me go?" She asks as casually as she can.

Casey snickers and shakes his head at her like she is a silly young child who knows nothing about anything.

"Heavens no."

* * *

"Jane. He is at your house."

Jane doesn't respond. She stares out the train window not able to put the puzzle together without all the pieces.

"We have a car picking you up at the next station to bring you back."

"Are you sure he is there?"

"Yes."

"What about Wincester...what about Maura."

"We have the local PD sending a Massachusetts officer that looks a lot like you to the station. They will get off the train at the arrival time and pretend to be you. The officers on the train know what to do...what to look for. If there is information there we will get it."

"Casey will know it's not me. He might hurt Maura." Jane has almost made her hand bleed by clenching it so tightly into a fist.

"Jane. Casey isn't going to take Maura an hours drive from Boston to trade for you in public. Think about it. It's Casey. He isn't some idiot that would believe we would allow you to go there without some sort of backup. He knows you wouldn't do that yourself."

"I might." Jane whispers softly.

"Jane. If you were profiling someone like Casey...Military trained. Smart. Strong. Resourceful. Can read people. Knows protocol. Knows _you_."

"We don't know what he wants...we can't assume at what he's playing at. We don't know his end game."

"Jane. He sends you somewhere. You get there to find nothing. You wait around for an hour or so until you are sure he won't show. You come back to Boston, tired and upset. You write another email asking what happened...asking for another meet. We debrief. You go home to wait to hear back from him...alone...no backup, no officers, no suspicion. And you open the door and walk into your apartment...straight into your ex and his plan."

"I'm gonna kill him."

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that."

"You think he is really going to reveal himself to me."

"I don't see what other option he has."

"He thinks he has the element of surprise."

"We have it now. We are sending one undercover unit to scope the area and will wait for you nearby."

The overhead announcement states the next station coming up, Auburndale, and the train begins to slow down.

"Next station?"

"There's a car ready and waiting. It has sirens...and yes...you can drive."

"Damn straight."

* * *

...to be continued...


	16. Chapter S1xt33n

 

_"_ _Did you parents ever get physical with each other?" Jane asks as she leans against the railing and looks off into the distance across the Charles River to the bright city skyline._

_"_ _Jane?" Maura's whole face questioning._

_"_ _I mean, like hit each other...physically?"_

_Maura thinks for a brief moment, "I don't think my parents were ever in the same room long enough for anything of the sort to transpire."_

_"_ _That might almost be worse than violence."_

_"_ _Do you really think so?" Maura asks sincerely, her insecurities bothering her._

_Jane shrugs, "Maybe. I mean. When people fight it's because they care. If they aren't around each other how do you know how they even feel."_

_Maura tugs her lip between her teeth in thought, "I guess because of how they communicated that love while they were apart. My father had flowers sent to my mother on the first weekend of every month. My Mother would call my father every night."_

_"_ _So they loved each other?" Jane is surprised at these facts she didn't know about Maura's parents._

_"_ _I believe so. But...Jane...I'm not sure physical violence is, or could be remotely considered an act of love. I'm not sure fighting equates to 'caring' either."_

_"_ _What about 'Crimes of Passion'?" Jane says with intrigue and wriggles her eyebrows_

_Maura ignores Janes supposition, "Narcissism can easily be mistaken for love. As can co-dependency."_

_"_ _Is there any form of violence that is love?" Jane says softly almost rhetorically_

_Maura turns to look at her friend, "Did your parents ever hit each other Jane?"_

_"_ _I..I don't think so Maur."_

_"_ _Then where did this belief that violence is related to love, or caring, come from?"_

_Jane shrugs, "I'm not sure. I guess I just...well...experience?"_

_"_ _Personal experience?" Maura asks worriedly perplexed_

_Jane rubs her palms together before shoving them in her pockets defiantly with another shrug._

_Maura watches Jane cautiously. She would never believe Jane would accept any sort of violence especially considering their respective jobs...yet she also isn't denying it. Who could Jane be referring too. When. Where. Why._

_"_ _If anyone ever hurts you Jane...that wouldn't be ok regardless of the reasons they say."_

_"_ _I know." Jane says automatically but also weakly with no real conviction_

_"_ _I mean it Jane. Violence is never ever OK. Anyone that causes you to even 'feel' afraid or does anything to you that you feel ashamed to talk about...it isn't OK." Maura is firm in her tone yet gentle._

_Jane nods and stares out at the orange setting sun in the distance_

_"_ _You know you can tell me anything Jane. Anything. I will never judge you. You never have to feel afraid or embarrassed or silly."_

_Jane nods again slowly but with more peace, "Thanks Maur. It's nothing tho. I'm good."_

_Maura reaches across the distance and puts her hand on Jane's shoulder gently. Jane flinches slightly at the touch before silently leaning towards the comfort. Maura smiles at her friend who's eyes are now closed...the last of the light like an orange kiss on tanned skin lighting up her dark hair like a midnight bon-fire._

_"_ _This is love Jane. Patience. Gentleness. Selfless-ness. Kindness. What we have is love. Even though it's platonic...it is love. And if anyone hurts you..."_

_Jane opens her eyes but doesn't move to turn._

_"_ _...I will kill them."_

_Jane turns her face towards Maura and even in the slowly vanishing light she can tell her eyes are wet and sparkly. Usually she might respond with a joke at Maura's serious face or tone or statement, something like 'but where would you hide the body, if only to deflect away from her own true feelings. But Jane has come to know that is unfair to Maura causing her discernible hurt. So Jane forces herself to stay in the moment. Watching. Sincere. Waiting. Trusting._

_"_ _I mean it Jane. I don't care who they are. I will kill them."_

_And then Jane is smiling, the last glimmer of sunset bouncing off her dimples._

* * *

Casey doesn't say a word as he forces Maura to sit and zip ties each hand to the arms of the chair.  
She wants to fight back, but she knows he is stronger than her. And he is always ready for her, always has a gun on her.  
She has imagined more than once what she would do if he let his guard down. She has imagined a single moment of distraction...a single slip up when she was unchained or untied.  
She glances at Casey, he is leaning against the wall his arms crossed and a gun clutched in his hand, he is looking towards the doorway almost impatiently.  
He doesn't take any notice of her as her eyes dart to his jugular.  
She thinks about the sharp butter knife she has carefully tucked down her trousers and if she might get a chance to use it.  
If she had the chance...would go for his throat. She wonders if her knife would be sharp enough and if she would have enough strength to get through the cartilage in the throat...to cut deeply enough to sever the carotid artery. If she intended to kill him she would aim to the side of the larynx with the blade flat and the cutting edge facing away from the larynx, thrust the knife in with the point angled towards the center back of the neck so the knife would be behind the carotid artery and jugular vein, then yank the blade sideways, away from the larynx. If the knife was sharp enough she could pull it right through the neck and cleanly sever both the carotid artery and the jugular vein.  
She would not perform the autopsy but it would still read death by means of exsanguination. Of course she would claim self-defense.  
If his back was to her she would stab him in the back of the neck at the base of the skull. This would sever the spinal cord and brain stem. It would render him immediately harmless. All body function would cease. He would need immediate medical assistance.  
However she would need to cut between the vertebrae and through the disc in order to get to the spinal cord.  
Maura's eyes glance lower to his torso, still wearing his military clothing. His arm on his hip. From where she sits, if her arm was free, she could plunge the knife into the Axillary artery. It is not very deep at the armpit, and so it is fairly easy to access it. This artery supplies blood to the arm and extremities and it is so close to the heart, if it is severed, blood will come spurting out like in a movie. The only concern being getting the blade through the heavy material.  
If she wanted to kill him instead of just stop him or slow him down, she might aim for his lungs. By holding the knife blade flat she could slide it between the ribs, pierce the lung, they would fill with blood, and in effect, he would drown in his own blood. Even with immediate and excellent medical care because his lungs quickly fill with fluid they cannot perform their function of gas exchange for respiration, restricting oxygen to the cells...causing death. Did she want to kill him?  
Casey straightens up and crosses his arms exposing his organs. The liver is an organ located on the right side, front of the body. The liver holds blood in reserve and acts as a filter. Thrusting a flat blade between the second and third, or third and fourth ribs will most likely give a direct hit to the liver making it an excellent target for a knife attack. Fatal if not immediately treated.  
The femoral artery is a major artery that goes through the pelvic region and down the legs. This artery can be accessed by stabbing into the groin area in the crook of the leg, and cutting down. There will be rapid blood loss with this injury if the artery is solidly struck. Death is inevitable without proper and rapid medical attention.  
Popliteal artery is an extension of the femoral artery and can be easily accessed by stabbing into the back of the knee. This artery is very close to the surface and will afford rapid blood loss if cut.

* * *

Jane twists bites her bottom lip in thought barely hearing Korsak fire off technical information about plans and tactics.  
She is close to tears. She feels betrayed. Deceived. Casey took her best friend and then played some sort of sick game with her. Casey, her ex lover. She went to high school with him. She trusted him. She almost had his baby.  
Her eyes dart over blueprints but she can only focus on her own apartment building at the end of the road. The triangulation location still pinging off his phone. She doesn't need blueprints or floor-plans to know the area precisely.  
Part of her wants to cry that her best friend has been held captive by Casey and the other part is angry enough that she could strangle him with her bare hands. The expression on her face appears bewildered. And when an angry tear threatens to escape she bites harder. Too hard. She tastes the blood but she doesn't care, the taste fuels her to focus harder on the second floor window three from the end. Curtains drawn and no visible signs of life. But they are in there, she is sure of it. Thermal imaging shows at least two people in her apartment, there could be more, or it could just be the two of them.  
She knows she has to act soon...or fast.

"If he see's anyone but me she won't stand a chance. We have to get her out. That's _all_ that matters."

"It might be all that matters right now to you, but you matter too Jane. We need to catch him and keep you both safe."

"Korsak, this is my fault."

"Like hell it is Jane. You need to get that lie out of your head or you won't be thinking straight."

Jane sighs. Her head knows he is right...her heart wants to argue.

"I just want her safe."

"Jane, Casey is a sick man right now, we have no idea what he actually has planned. Getting Maura out might not be an option and you know once SWAT are in there they have to assess the situation for what it is."

Jane looks at him for a moment curiously.

"Who says his plan isn't to kill the two of you and then himself."

Jane bites her lip again. She needs a good solid plan.

"They want to send in a negotiator."

"Who is they?" Jane frowns.

"The Tactical Response Team."

"No way Korsak. They can't negotiate with Casey. This is not a by the book standard hostage situation. Casey knows the damn book."

"They know that. They have been briefed. Radio silence. Snipers across the street. They want to open a line of communication. The building has been covertly cleared in case..."

"My next place will not be an apartment building." She says angrily. It's the fifth time a place she has lived has been the cause of the evacuation of her neighbors. "And Casey doesn't like bombs, since his injury. And we don't need TRT or local SWAT to run this. I have been in hostage situations plenty of times."

"Yes, and most of those times you yourself have been the hostage. This is different."

"Of course it is different. He has Maura. He is military trained. He has done training with SWAT teams including hostage situations and he had done psychological training too. TRT will be negotiating with the devil. And if that doesn't work..." Jane swallows the rest of the sentence.

"They have ways of working with him."

"Don't side with them. You know the drill Korsak. If they can't get him to negotiate, which they won't be able to, then they go in with the intent to stop him. That means Maura comes second. Second Korsak. That isn't good enough."

"What if they can convince Casey to trade Maura for you?"

"I've been thinking about that. He doesn't want to trade or he would have done so by now. He wants me to hurt and I doubt he thinks that letting Maura go will hurt me. He wasn't ever going to let her go."

"He wont be expecting you for another hour at least. We could go in now and surprise him."

"What if Maura gets hurt. What if Maura isn't even in there and Casey gets killed and we can never find Maura."

"So what then?"

"I have to go in and I have to get Maura out."

Korsak shakes his head, "No Jane. No."

"Think about it Korsak. From his point of view...what options does he have? Trying to negotiate will back him into a corner. Right now he doesn't even know we know. Right now Maura is safe. For now."

Korsak shakes his head again in dismay.

"He won't hesitate to kill her...unless I can offer him something he wants."

"What does he want?"

"Me."

"So your plan is to just walk in exactly as he expects you too."

"Yes. Only I will have backup. Right? He won't be expecting that."

"I am not giving you over to that deranged scum-bag."

Jane growls angrily, "Oh, so far better to let that deranged scum-bag do whatever the hell he wants to Maura."

"No Jane. I just...we have to find another way. Maura is his only leverage."

"Is there another way? Is there any more time to risk playing this game with her life when none of this is her fault?"

Jane almost chokes on her own words. She has never told anyone what she knows Casey can be like. She should have but she never did.

"We will find another way. You can't go in there Jane. Cavanaugh wouldn't allow it for starters. And your mother would kill me. Plus a two hostage situation will be more difficult to handle. Uncontrollable even. You could all end up killed."

When Korsak doesn't get a response he turns, but Jane is gone.

* * *

Casey looks at Maura who looks away from him and starts fidgeting against the tight restraints. He doesn't care about how much pain she is in or how uncomfortable she is.

"I watched you two together. I think you corrupted her to me."

Maura shakes her head side to side and bites her lip.

"You did." Casey snarls loudly enough to make her jump, "I don't know what you said to her but when she would come back to me she didn't need me like she had. Until she didn't want me anymore. But it doesn't matter what you said anymore. This time she is coming to me. Only I can give her what she wants. She will be mine and you won't be able to help her. She will need me and then she will die. Because of you doctor...because she picked you when she should have picked me. And she will lose us both this time around. First she will watch you die. Then I will watch her die. Then it will be as it should have been. I will have my baby and neither one of you can take it away."

* * *

_"_ _Here you are darling." Jane says as she serves Casey his breakfast._

_Casey smiles a thank you._

_"_ _Ma is coming over later today. I think she will bring lunch."_

_"_ _I want it to be just you and me." Casey says as he grasps the front of the oversized shirt she is wearing and gently tugs on it._

_Jane smiles and leans down giving him a soft kiss on the lips._

_When she stands up again, Casey doesn't let go, he tugs the shirt closer to him forcing her to stay bent at the waist._

_"_ _You and me Jane."_

_Jane looks into his eyes expecting to see a gentle playful teasing expression but instead he looks stern and his jaw is set tightly._

_"_ _Casey?" Jane can't tell if this is his type of fore-play or a joke, but if it is then his acting scares her a little bit._

_He pulls tighter until she is leaning down face to face level with him and although he doesn't look angry, Jane feels more nervous than she does when facing a suspect._

_"_ _You. And. Me." Casey repeats in a stern mono-tone voice._

_Jane want's to laugh to ease the tension. She tries to pull back but he holds tight and his expression darkens._

_Jane is suddenly unsure how safe she really feels, she want's to get out of this position, she doesn't want to find out what happens if she refuses, she doesn't want it to escalate, "You and me." Jane repeats slowly keeping eye contact and trying not to show her shock at his behavior._

_Casey smiles softly, "Good." He drops her shirt and turns to the breakfast Jane put in front of him. "This is really good Jane, Thank you."_

_Jane stands up straight without the restriction and swallows. She hides her feelings from him. Her heart is pounding slightly harder than it usually does._

_"_ _Are you going to eat with me, Jane?"_

_She wonders what would happen if she says no, if she tells him his behavior isn't appropriate. That she want's him to leave. She isn't sure if he is trying to control her or just make his intention known. She doesn't know if she is ready to face this reality._

_"_ _I was going to get dressed first." She chokes out. She wants to distance herself from him so she can gather her thoughts. So she can ascertain if that really just happened._

_Casey puts his fork down on the plate and turns to look at her. She holds her breath._

_"_ _I would really like it if you would eat with me." He smiles softly but his eyes don't sparkle, "Don't you want to eat with me Jane?"_

_Jane blinks and takes in a deep breath through her nostrils, "Of course...Casey."_

_Jane goes to the kitchen to dish up another plate. With one hand she texts Maura from her phone on the counter._

**_Call me. J_ **

_She smiles as she sits opposite Casey and studies him again._

_Like the fantastic friend Maura is, her phone begins to ring loudly._

_"_ _One sec." Jane says jumping up and trying to walk to the kitchen at a pace like she normally would. The caller ID says 'Maura', so she keeps the screen away from Casey as she answers it._

_"_ _Rizzoli."_

_"_ _Jane. Why are you answering your phone like that. You just asked me to call you. Are you ok?"_

_"_ _A murder? Right." Jane looks at Casey, he is watching her intensely and it gives her goosebumps, she has to look away._

_"_ _Are you alright? Do you need me to come over?"_

_"_ _I'll be right there."_

_Jane hangs up and looks back at Casey._

_"_ _I have to go. Murder." She tries to give him a casual shrug and turns towards the bedroom to get changed, careful to take her phone with her._

_"_ _I thought you weren't on call today Jane." He calls after her_

_She shuts the bedroom door pretending she doesn't hear. She goes to her bedside table and opens the drawer to retrieve her gun and badge._

_And suddenly her pulse slows and the perspiration stops. She feels safe again._

* * *

Jane makes it through the back door without anyone noticing. She pulls her gun out of it's sheath and flicks the safety off and makes her way towards the stairwell.  
Her phone rings and the caller ID Korsak and Jane presses the answer button.

"Before you say anything..."Jane says before Korsak can speak, "He visited me Korsak...here in Boston...he was playing me. First he wanted to know what I knew. Then he was messing with my head. He knew damn well where Maura was the whole time. He let me think she was dead. He is playing games. I'm gonna kill him."

"I didn't hear that Jane."

"TRT or SWAT equals hours and hours of negotiating. I just can't do that Korsak. I'm sorry. I've missed her long enough already. I can't wait another hour let alone another two..or three days while they cut the power and try to wear him down and beg with him and...Maura is at risk that whole time. Barging in there could get her killed. It is likely that the only thing keeping Maura alive is that Casey wants me. It's also possible that he would kill her because he can't get to me or just to send me a message. Why complicate it. He wants me...so I am going to him."

"I could loose my badge Jane."

"I know. That's why I didn't tell you. I'm sorry. But...I could loose my friend."

"Jane?"

"Yeah." She says pausing in the hall and hoping he won't demand she come back. She hates defying his orders.

"Don't give up your gun Jane. He will kill you."

"If it comes down to my life for Maura's...I don't even have to think about it."

Korsak lets out a breath, "What do you need Jane?"

"I need you to promise me that no matter what, Maura comes first. I need you to do whatever you have to to get her out safely."

The silence is palatable.

"Korsak?" She asks wondering if the call was disconnected.

"Ok Jane. I promise."

Less than a minute after the call ends her phone rings again. She hasn't even reached the top of the first flight of stairs. She almost doesn't look at the screen before answering but the tune isn't the one programmed in for Korsak. She glances at it and the name catches her eye and her whole body freezes in response.

The caller ID is Casey Jones.

* * *

...to be continued...


	17. Chapter S3v3nt33n

 

_Jane straddles Casey sitting almost entirely on his legs. Legs he can now feel. Casey had been unable to have sex since his injury and last night was a celebration of sorts. He was able to be, in his own eyes, a man again. Jane had allowed him unrestrained access to her body and had patience as he found his 'feet' again. It was not entirely unlike getting back on a bike after so long off it._

_Last night had been unlike the past times together in so many ways. It was gentle at times yet moments of frustration seemed to overwhelm his joy. In the end it was more like sex and less like love making. Casey didn't seem to notice as Jane rolled away from him in the end and slept with her back to him lost in her own thoughts._

_Casey had been selfish in meeting his own desires but then that was not unusual. Jane had always been the selfless one in all areas of their relationship including intercourse. But she had felt fulfilled in the pleasure she saw in him. How happy he was to be no longer injured, no longer restrained. A free man._

_And perhaps he took it too far at times, holding her tighter than was comfortable, pulling her hair even when she expressed momentary pain, ignoring her when she cried out and allowing his entire weight to crush her twice. She dismissed it as being 'in the heat of the moment'. She ignored her discomfort because he was back and he was happy._

_But then, the way he looked at her did not make her feel loved or wanted either, it did not give her butterflies in her belly. It was a dark lust she feared she could never satisfy within him. Maybe that is where things were more different than before._

_But then he had chosen her. This good looking, sweet British man had chosen her when he could have been like every other man in her life and left her. Abandoned her. Blamed her for their problems. Used her for sex and said goodbye. Like Dean. She must be important to Casey for him to come back to her, so she did not complain, not once. She told herself she was happy to have him returned to her in good spirits after so long. To be better. In truth she hadn't expected to ever see him again. But he had arrived on her doorstep surprising her, and had swooped her up to her room, taking off her clothes and telling her what he wanted. He never said anything about how she looked, he didn't flatter her. But he said all the right things about missing her, needing her, wanting her, and loving her._

_She didn't want him to feel she was ungrateful either. She certainly didn't want to feel the betrayal of him leaving her without explanation once again. He was of course her high school friend, or crush, and she felt he protected her when she was younger and intended to protect her now. And as a bonus, her Ma had stopped harassing her about being single which somehow equated to not being happy._

_She had to be happy, she would force herself to be happy._

_So now, this morning, she wants him to know how happy she is for him, for them, for a possible future together. How happy she is that he is back. She wants to thank him for being so good to her in the past, for coming back to her. And she wants him to have a good reason to stick around this time._

_He smiles up at Jane above him, her loose hair gently falling around her face and her dimples puckered as she grins at him and bites her lip. Casey pulls her into a soft kiss. He rolls her over on her back and pins her to the bed. He takes her hair and roughly pushes it off her face and kisses her hard and heavy. She tries to keep up with him but his actions are more eager and no longer gentle. She tries to ask him to slow down but he pushes his tongue in her mouth and now she can't get any air. She can't breathe. Her eyes are open and her nose flaring desperately. She wants to push him away but can't get her arms between their bodies. She groans but he doesn't stop. She isn't enjoy any part of this._

_After a few moments he pulls back and she instantly gasps for air taking in a few raged breaths her chest rising and falling rapidly. Casey watches her with interest._

_"_ _I...I...too much." She chokes out._

_Casey doesn't shift off her keeping her pinned beneath him and he smiles slightly, "I thought you missed me Jane."_

_Jane coughs and is finally able to get her breathing under control._

_"_ _I...I did miss you." She again feels manipulated into allowing him to have his way, "I just...I couldn't breathe. Can you give me some room?"_

_Casey doesn't move away._

_"_ _Please." She asks gently._

_Casey reaches a hand to her cheek and slowly brushes against her flushed cheek with his knuckles, it is the gentlest he has been, "I never stopped thinking about you Jane. About being able to be here with you like this. To make love again."_

_Only it doesn't feel like love to Jane, not like it used to._

_"_ _I..." Jane would like to enjoy this moment where Casey is being unusually sensitive but despite believing he would never hurt her intentionally, she worries he could hurt her accidentally, she can't think of how to acknowledge his words while asking him to let her up, "I know Casey, I need to get up for a minute."_

_Casey slides his hand towards her temple and runs his fingers through her hair, "I never thought I would get you back. I thought I lost you."_

_"_ _Casey," She pleads softly, "Can you please get off me."_

_His smile drops and his eyes loose their warmth._

_"_ _Jane, is something wrong?"_

_Jane pulls her arm until she manages to get it free from underneath him, "I just need to breathe."_

_She pushes gently against his chest with her palm clearly indicating he back off. Casey takes her wrist and pins it down on the mattress above her head while leaning down to kiss her once again. Jane turns her head to the side, "No, Casey." She growls, her strong detective side trying to shine through._

_"_ _I wouldn't hurt you Jane." Casey says to the side of her face his breath tickling her ear, "I thought you..wanted this. I thought you wanted me just like I want you."_

_Jane swallows, he almost sounds wounded, like a forlorn child, and she fights with herself internally._

_Casey leans down and nibbles her earlobe but pulls back getting no response from Jane._

_"_ _Do you need to be in control Jane?" He asks after a moment, his tone less hurt and slightly mocking, "Or do you secretly like it when I am in full control?"_

_He doesn't let her answer. He leans down and kissing her forcibly and harshly nipping her sensitive lip causing her to yelp slightly. Blood rushes to the wound causing it to throb and a few drops of blood to seep out and dribble onto her chin._

_"_ _Look what you made me do Jane." His tone is annoyed, and no matter how much she loves his brit accent, right now his words burn her._

_With his tongue he licks the blood trail and across her lip leaving only the slightest red smear before pulling back to look at her. Jane still has her head to the side but glares at him out of the corner of her eye angrily, her jaw clenched._

_"_ _Get off." She growls again, heavier, huskier, deeper than she has ever spoken before._

_Suddenly he pulls back letting her wrist go, "I'm sorry Jane. I thought you liked that. I thought you liked it last night."_

_Jane can finally get her other arm out and rubs her wrist that Casey let go of. It stings but won't bruise. She shakes her head No and pulls herself up against the end of the bed pulling her knees up in front of her defensively, distancing herself. She won't look at him, she can't. She doesn't know what to make of this. How different he is since the injury. Not so much physically as psychologically. She knows when they first got together that she had made it very clear that nothing should be forced sexually and everything must be equal and loving. Had he forgotten. Had she allowed him too much freedom with her and he had lost sight of their mutual agreements of what was not allowed in the bedroom. Was this her fault for jumping too quickly into bed with him again. Of not establishing boundaries._

_Casey sits back on the bed giving her all the space he can, "I love you Jane. I'm so sorry I...did I scare you?" He doesn't sound sorry or sincere._

_Jane closes her eyes and takes a deep breath followed by a slow exhale. She can't answer because she isn't sure. Was she afraid. Fear implies a lack of trust. Does she still trust him. Did she still trust him._

_"_ _I love you." He says again in a way that has expectation of a reply._

_"_ _I know." She whispers back without looking up. If she looks up and sees torment or hurt in his face she will feel even more guilty. She should never have let it go that far. If she looks up and see's he is pretending to be sorry, she will be heartbroken._

_Just then the doorbell buzzer rings._

_Jane looks up quickly, surprised._

_Casey stands up, partially startled, and looks in the direction of the sound "Are you expecting someone?" He demands coldly._

_Jane looks at the clock on the side-table. 9:26am._

_"_ _Maura and I made plans for a Saturday morning run." Jane says putting her feet over the side of the bed and looking down at her them. He doesn't reply._

_She looks up at him finally and see's the distrust in his glinting eyes._

_"_ _I forgot to cancel. You sort of surprised me last night."_

_The buzzer rings again._

_"_ _I will see you when you get back." He says as he heads to the bathroom._

_Maura looks slightly bemused when Jane opens the door. Her face is flushed and hair more untamed than usual sticking out in more directions than she has ever seen it and her lip is slightly swollen._

_"_ _I guess his equipment still works well after all." Maura says with a chuckle knowing what would likely happen when she left Jane and Casey last night. The chuckle dies quickly when she looks into Jane's distant worried expression._

_"_ _What's wrong Jane?" She asks softly with a frown of her own._

_Jane stares past her almost in a trance, her eyes dark and troubled._

_Maura hates it when Jane is like this. She checks behind Jane through the open door but there is no-one there, no Casey wandering around in boxers as she expected. She reaches out and touches her friends forearm and watches with sadness as Jane flinches and snaps out of far-away place she has just been residing. Maura resists the urge to envelop her friend in a hug and instead waits patiently for a response._

_"_ _I...um...let's go." Her voice is raspy and hoarse and emotionless._

_Maura's frown deepens, "Are you sure? You aren't dressed appropriately for a run, Jane. What's wrong?"_

_Jane makes eye contact with Maura, and in doing so her face immediately softens and her shoulders relax and she breathes as if it is less painful. "I just need some air. Could we...would it be ok if we just walk instead?"_

_"_ _Of course Jane." Maura says softly with a smile, "Whatever you need. Ok?"_

_Jane studies her for a moment but doesn't return the smile, then she turns back into her apartment to grab a jacket and slip on some old trainers. She stares into the dark empty space. The drapes still drawn closed from last night. The lights are off. It could be empty except she knows it isn't. If she was arriving here she would be suspicious of a danger lurking somewhere in the eerie darkness, or maybe she is being silly, being emotional._

_She scolds herself internally,_ 'It isn't danger, it is Casey, and he loves me. Stop being ridiculous Jane.'

_She walks out and shuts the door with a sigh._

* * *

"Casey" Jane answers her phone now sitting on the bottom step of the stairs between the first and second floors of her apartment building. She looks around for a camera but there is none. How did he know.

"You don't sound like you are on a train, Jane."

His voice is somewhere between excited and hard, maybe both.

Jane subconsciously glances above her at the next floor, roughly where she suspects Casey to be standing, "You're right." Her voice is calmer than she feels.

"You should have been."

"Why is that Casey? Did you have something for me?" She asks as she fumbles in her pocket for the microphone earpiece she stole out of Korsaks car.

"You are ruining my fun Jane."

"Because I didn't waste my time with an exchange that would never have happened?"

Casey chuckles, "I thought you loved her. I thought you would do anything for her."

Jane growls under her breath.

"Was it mean of me to send you on a wild goose chase?" He asks amused and not expecting a reply, "Do you know where I am _now_ Jane?"

"Yes. I do. Let me speak to Maura."

There is a long pause making Jane want to quickly run upstairs and see what is happening, but then Casey answers, "I'm afraid that isn't possible right now. There was an incident."

There is no joy in his voice and Jane feels her heart sink like a stone.

"Damnit Casey. If you have hurt her..."

"Yes Jane? What if she is hurt? What will you do to me?" He asks gleefully.

She can't bluff her way out of this, truthfully she isn't sure if she would take it out on him or on herself. Her gun suddenly feels small and useless. She can only hold back a sob that threatens to escape.

"Where are you Jane?"

Jane rocks slightly, her fight or flight response hurling chemicals around her body in an attempt to resolve the conflict, "I need to talk to her." It's barely a whisper but he hears it anyway.

"Come alone Jane. I am expecting you."

"I'm not coming if she isn't there." Jane yells down the phone angrily her face flushing. She wishes she could control the feelings and outbursts but she can't. Maybe Korsak was right, maybe she should have let TRT handle it.

"Oh...but she _is_ here, Jane." His voice is controlled and sickly playful, much like Hoyts had been.

"Then let me _talk_ to her."

She hears Casey sigh on the other end, like her request is bothersome. But if he want's her to come he has to provide incentive. She won't play to his whims if Maura is dead.

"If you want be to come you will do this."

"Fine."

There is rustling on the phone and Jane uses the few moments she has to switch on the earpiece and put it in her ear making sure the microphone is near to her mouth. She hopes someone is listening. She hopes they haven't packed up and gone home at Korsaks request. She hopes she isn't completely alone in her spontaneous decision to do this on her own.

"Hello?" Maura's voice is weak and pained and she sounds slightly breathless as she positions herself to hold the headset between her cheek and her shoulder without dropping it.

Jane closes her eyes, relief covering her like a warm salve, healing her from the inside out.

"You're alive." She feels a wet tear slide down her cheek and hides her face even though no one is around.

"Jane. Oh Jane. It's Casey." Maura almost screams it afraid to miss the opportunity again.

"I know Maur. I know. Are you ok?"

"I...yes. I'm fine. He..he want's you to hurt Jane. The way he thinks you hurt him."

"Just relax Maura, I'm on my way. I'm coming to you."

"NO." Maura cries out, "Don't come. God. Please don't come."

Jane clutches her top near her chest squeezing as close to her heart as she can trying to relieve the waves of pain and relief that roll over her.

"It's going to be ok Maura. Do you trust me?"

There is a pause before Maura replies with confusion, "Sometimes."

"Only sometimes. I am truly offended." Jane manages to joke.

"Jane. I am safer if you stay away. And so are you."

Jane hears Casey chuckle nearby.

"Do you truly believe that Maura?" Jane's voice breaks a little and she fidgets with the hem of her top.

Maura can't answer because it would be a lie if she said yes, she doesn't really know.

"He has a gun. He...I..." Maura pauses, "Jane?"

"Yes Maur?"

"Jane please don't come. I would do anything to keep you safe."

Jane swallows. She knows Maura wants to protect her and she can't quite describe how that knowledge makes her feel, but she knows she want's to keep Maura safe despite herself as well, "I feel exactly the same way Maura."

"He really want's to hurt you." Maura whispers

"I know. And it doesn't matter."

"Don't come. Please don't come, Jane." Maura wants to add that Casey is crazy but doesn't want Casey to take the phone off her. She doesn't know if she will hear Jane's voice again and she doesn't want to miss a minute of it, she doesn't ever want this conversation to end.

"You know I can't do that sweetie. I am on my way."

"You are giving him exactly what he wants."

"I know." Jane whispers, she should be on her way up those stairs, but she doesn't want to hang up, stalling keeps them both alive.

"Jane?"

"Yeah sweetie."

"I'm so sorry."

"Maura, this is not your fault. It could never be your fault. I'm...I am sorry I didn't protect you. This is..." She takes a breath and holds it, she hates herself for still struggling to say it out loud, "Maura, this is _my_ fault."

"No Jane," Maura whispers it her voice raw and croaky with emotion, "It isn't your fault...and it wasn't last time either."

Jane smiles, she knows Maura means it. She knows she shouldn't blame herself. But hearing Maura say it feels like it just might be true.

"Maur, I am going to stop talking, but I'm not going to hang up. I'm still here. And i'll see you soon. Ok?"

"Ok."

She doesn't say goodbye. She stands carefully and checks around again before climbing the steps two at a time.

* * *

...to be continued...


	18. Chapter E1ght33n

 

_"_ _Are you going to tell me what happened Jane?" Maura asks easily keeping a remarkably slow stride with Jane who is still lost in thought._

_Jane turns to look at Maura like she had forgotten she wasn't alone and sighs._

_"_ _Do you need to see a doctor?" Maura asks, noticing the lip is still growing slightly in size meaning the event was rather recent. She also notices Jane keeps rubbing her left wrist like it might be causing her pain._

_Jane slows down even more before stopping completely. Maura stops slightly ahead of Jane and walks back to stand in front of her._

_"_ _Maura. Do you think I am love-able?" She asks cautiously looking straight into Maura's eyes_

_"_ _God yes." Maura replies too eagerly and without a pause, then looks a little worried. "I mean..." she pauses afraid they are not on the same page and she might end up putting her foot in her mouth trying to correct the possible implication._

_Jane calmly watches her friend's features distort slightly._

_"_ _Are you asking if 'I' love you?" She finally asks_

_Jane smiles and sighs, "I know you love me. Otherwise you wouldn't want to spend time with me. And I love you too. I just...I don't understand why men don't really love me. I thought maybe there was something wrong with me."_

_Maura frowns, "There is absolutely nothing wrong with you Jane. Other than needing a little self-assurance. You are close to...perfect."_

_Jane snorts a laugh, "Perfect? really?"_

_Maura blushes slightly and bows her head, "Yes. And anyone that doesn't treat you like a princess doesn't deserve you Jane."_

_"_ _You have to say that because you're my friend."_

_Maura feels her heart clench with sadness. Jane is the most confident and assured person she knows on the job, away from work and especially around men she is insecure and sad. Or maybe it is just lately. Maybe since Casey took off without explanation and then lied to her. It would knock anybody's confidence. She had just somehow believed Jane was invincible in every possible way. She had not realized the effect Casey had had on her. That fact that Jane can be and is so vulnerable makes her even more love-able to Maura._

_"_ _I am saying it because it's true. You know I can't lie. You are_ the most _remarkable, amazing, caring, wonderful, sincere, kind person that I have ever, ever met."_

_Then there is that moment. The one that falls between them sometimes. Unexpected but not unwelcome. A longer than usual glance with twinkling eyes, a subtle smile, eyes searching, and an almost obvious physical spark. The feelings of being valued and important. The feelings Jane thought she would get from Casey but doesn't._

_Maura sucks in a breath, it doesn't feel uncomfortable but she is sure these feelings shouldn't happen even if she isn't sure Jane feels them too. But usually by now Jane would have altered the moment by laughing, or saying something about Maura's comment in general or unusual reduplication or that there were a lot of adjectives in that sentence, but she hasn't, she doesn't, she isn't blushing or uncomfortable, and that is what causes Maura's discomfort._

_"_ _You don't have to stay with him Jane."_

_She regrets speaking the moment her words reach Jane's ears. Jane breaks eye contact and begins to walk along the path again uncomfortable and hunched. The warm cocoon they were in together quickly smashed. Maura rushes to catch up again and almost bumps into Jane who has suddenly stopped walking again._

_"_ _Maura. Do people change after a traumatic event?"_

_Maura studies Jane's body language this time, not just her face. She is hugging herself like she needs to comfort herself. She has almost etched frown marks across her forehead. Her fingers tap the sides of her body and she twists her lip in uncertainty._

_Maura steps closer, she wants to be ready to reach out and comfort her friend who she can tell is perched on the edge of emotional turmoil._

_"_ _Yes, sometimes they can."_

_"_ _How much do they change?"_

_Maura steps even closer and Jane doesn't take a step back, "Well, it depends on the person. But any number of factors, both physical or chemical, can alter a persons emotional or psychological stability. In some aspects they may remain the same yet in other ways they may be completely different. Sometimes they return to the way they were with time and counseling and other times it seems to be more permanent."_

_Jane bites the side of her lip and winches at the pain from the cut she forgot was there._

_Maura steps closer, now completely inside the area she knows is Jane's personal space. She reaches up and brushes Jane's swollen lip with her thumb. When she looks up she see's Jane's eyes are wet and watching her. Maura's heart constricts and she moves her hand gently behind Jane's neck to draw her into a hug._

_Jane hugs her back tightly, almost too tightly, and she is shaking ever so slightly. After a moment she whispers, "I'm alright."_

_"_ _No you aren't Jane." Maura whispers back, "And you don't have to be. It is ok to be upset."_

_Jane doesn't let go and Maura won't let go._

_They stand like that in the middle of the park walkway, halfway between Jane's place and Maura's place. Several people pass by but do not disturb them._

_"_ _I think I don't trust him." Jane finally whispers, "He is...different."_

_Maura rubs Jane's back in comforting strokes, there isn't much she can say with no information on the situation._

_"_ _He loves me though." She chokes out like it's a sort of consolation prize._

_"_ _Love doesn't endure all things." Maura whispers still holding her as if their lives depend on it._

_"_ _Maybe I need to give him more time. Things change. Life changes things. Everything is different now."_

_Jane pulls back but doesn't let go. She searches her friends face and sees worry, and behind that genuine caring._

_Maura smiles weakly, "You have to do what is right for you Jane. Do what you want for yourself, not for him. He should earn your trust and you should feel safe in the process."_

_Jane's eye's flicker down letting Maura knowing she is on the right track._

_"_ _Sometimes people need to be put in their place. To be told what is ok and what isn't. And to be told the consequences of any future unchanged behavior."_

_Jane clears her throat. Somehow Maura's words strike her as truth._

_"_ _And if you don't feel safe or certain in any situation, or respected, then go to someone for support."_

_Jane nods slowly. She starts to walk again pulling Maura with her, their arms still entwined together._

_"_ _I really don't think he meant to hurt me." She says after a beat into the direction they are walking._

_Maura blinks a few times, mostly in surprise. She doesn't know what happened but maybe Jane is being too dismissive about something rather serious._

_"_ _How would you know if he meant to?"_

_Jane stiffens slightly, Maura feels it in their interlinked arms. She knows Jane won't respond. It's not a question really. It's a statement disguised as a question. A thought that challenges a belief. Something that enables one to search a little deeper when they are ready, when they can. A pathway to empowerment._

_And when enough silence has passed, Maura speaks again, "You truly are a remarkable human being. And I meant what I said earlier. Anyone that doesn't treat you right doesn't deserve you."_

_Jane turns her head and smiles and Maura returns it._

_"_ _I feel like the luckiest person on earth to have you in my life Jane. I hope we stay friends forever."_

_"_ _Life-long best friends_ forever _?"_

_"_ _L-bffs. Exactly." Maura chuckles and nudges Jane's shoulder with her own._

_And Jane, in return, with a warm smile, puts her arm around Maura, pulling her closer and kisses the top of her head._

* * *

Casey watches as Maura falls silent. An odd ending to a conversation between the two of them. But he is more interested in why Maura didn't want Jane to come for her essentially putting herself in more danger.

"So she will come for you."

Maura doesn't look up. It's not a question. They both know Jane will come.

"Do you think she would ever put herself in danger for me like that?" Casey asks as he taps his gun across his thigh.

Maura lets the phone slip from her ear to her lap knowing she won't be able to put it back. Knowing she won't hear Jane speak again, not that Jane will for definite anyway, but grateful to know she is close by and could be listening.

"I...I'm not sure..."

Maura can't imagine Jane allowing anything bad to happen to anyone regardless of being a friend, stranger or enemy.

"But she is coming for you?" Casey pushes.

"I...I hope not" She stumbles because she can't lie.

Casey laughs

"She once told me you were a genius and were probably even smarter than Einstein."

Maura huffs lightly, it sounds like the sort of ridiculous thing Jane would say.

"You ain't that smart though."

Maura 's eyebrows raise slightly, offended, "I actually have an IQ of one hundred and-"

"I'm not talking about that sort of smart." Casey cuts her off, "I'm talking about seeing what is in right front of you. At first I picked you because it would be easy to grab you. You live alone, hermit like. Without Jane you wouldn't even go out."

Maura wants to defend herself again. She has gallery openings and charities she goes too all the time. But in a way he is right, those event's were mostly obligations she upheld.

"And you don't train in self-defense or fighting so you were easy to grab. No offense." He adds with a twinkle in his eyes. "I knew she cared about you. But watching how she reacts and that she has struggled to control herself lately...I've realized you mean more to her than I thought. More than just a friend."

Maura shakes her head, "No, no. There's nothing more."

"You think she would throw herself in the line of fire for all of her friends?"

"If you took anyone she cared about...it would have hurt her. She would be like this."

Casey looks around the room spotting pictures and items that speak volumes to their friendship. Photos or them together. A baby turtle in a tank. A bottle of red wine and a science today magazine on the coffee table. A pasta maker machine on her bench.

"There were so many signs. Maybe I just didn't want to see them. But I never liked you. You were always just...there."

Jane takes the steps two at a time and when she reaches the landing a sprinkle of broken green glass crackles under her foot and she freezes holding her breath. There are no sounds that she has raised suspicion so she uses the railing to heave herself over the glass puddle and onto the final flight of steps.

"We are just friends."

"Or she hid it from me. Maybe from herself."

Maura pulls at the restraints binding her wrists together but they are too tight and she is stuck in the chair in her frustration.

"Maybe she never acted on her feelings but they are obvious to me now...now that I've watched her. Watched you."

"I don't understand what you mean Casey."

"That's why I haven't killed you yet. Because then it would be over. What would I have to hurt her with then?"

Maura swallows and holds her tongue.

Jane feels like her legs are made of Jello as she makes it to the top step of the second floor. So close now. She realizes in that moment she doesn't have her keys. She scowls and then decides it doesn't matter. It's not like Casey wouldn't let her in anyway. She inches herself along it towards her own apartment keeping an eye out for traps or anything suspicious.

"Whenever she was upset she went to 'you', she listened to 'you' about almost everything, she wanted 'you' to help her raise 'my' baby."

He spits the word 'you' with distain every-time.

Maura squirms a little, she desperately wants to be free right now. His tone is worrying to her. A sort of passive-aggressiveness with an unknown release.

"I picked well when I took you. I didn't even have to touch either of you to get the exact result I wanted. Jane messed with me and now I messed with her and I think that might have messed you up a little too Doctor Maura Isles. Did It?"

Maura glares at him wishing she wasn't restrained so she could, at the very least, give him a good hard slap.

At the bend in the hall Jane stops, she can hear muffled voices coming from the end, from her apartment, from the last door at the end of the hall. With her back against the wall she moves towards the voices.  
She clutches the phone in one hand and her gun in the other. Both give her strength.

"And we both know Jane is going to feel the effects of how much I damaged you forever. If she gets out of here alive...and with you still breathing." He says it with a snicker.

Maura swallows the bile that has been building up in her throat, "What if she doesn't come for me?"

Maura is praying inside Jane won't come. Pleading silently with the universe. Because she has just realized that Casey won't kill her if Jane doesn't show. But if Jane does show, they could both end up dead.

"Oh she will come." He chuckles, "Of course she will come."

Maura growls, she hates his arrogance, his tone, his smile.

"I hope she kills you." Maura growls.

"I hope it breaks her when I kill you." He replies.

They stare at each other, both squinting, almost matching each others hate.

Jane takes a final cautious step and now there is only a door separating her from them. From Maura. She leans her face against the door to listen. She hears Maura's voice, muffled through the thick wood. Her heart seems to know of their proximity returns to it's normal rhythm and she leans her body against the door while her legs gather the final strength they will need.

"You can't break her. No-one can." Maura says with her own little smile.

"I think seeing her girlfriend dying or dead might do it." Casey says with a dark smile.

Maura shakes her head, "We are just friends."

"I'm not sure she would say the same." Casey growls

Jane reaches the door handle turning it slightly. It is unlocked so she turns it further until she can push it open slightly. The voices are clear now. She pushes the door further open but a table is preventing her from opening it fully and she sees broken glass all over the ground inside the door. She knows she won't make it two steps into the room before Casey hears her. She cannot get a visual of them because of the obstacle blocking the door but it sounds like Maura is close to the centre of the room and Casey is off to the right somewhere.

"I think you mean more to her than you know, so much so she would give her life for yours."

"I think you have the wrong idea Casey." Maura sounds exhausted and defeated and weak.

Jane has never heard Maura sound this way before.

"He doesn't Maura." Jane's husky voice comes from the gap in the partly open door.

"Jane!" Maura's voice is a mix of gratitude and fear.

* * *

...to be continued...


	19. Chapter Nin3t33n

 An almost eerie click of the safety being released and the hitched breath of Maura are the first things Jane's ears pick up.

"Toss the gun." Casey calmly calls in Jane's direction, his gun trained on the back of Maura's head.

There is an unmistaken clunk of metal on wood. It scrapes across the room a few meters ending up somewhere in the semi-darkness near the wall.

"You like the spot I picked?" He calls out, the smile on his face obvious in his tone.

"Yeah." Jane replies, a crunch of glass as she steps through the narrow gap and across the thresh-hold with one foot. "It's great Casey. Good atmosphere. Great neighbors. Cosy."

"I thought you'd like it. Are you alone?"

Jane moves her other foot alongside the first, her arms raised in surrender, "No, I've got the whole Wu tang clan here with me."

Jane steps fully into the dimly lit room, her kitchen light and lamp on the side table the only things on. She keeps her hands in plain sight, scarred palms pointing towards the two of them.

Casey shakes his head. "You are making it too easy for me Jane."

For a moment, Jane doesn't reply. She is looking at Maura. Looking at her for anything out of the ordinary. Memorizing every bruise, every scratch, her fearful eyes, messy hair, and torn dirty clothing. But even in this state, would anyone wrongly assume that she was home-less. Maybe it's the in the way she holds herself, that certain class, or maybe it's just that Jane will never be able to see Maura for anything more or less than she remembers her. And the eye's that blink back at Jane, the heaving chest with every breath, the struggling at her restraints to get closer to Jane, tells Jane that Maura is, without a doubt, alive.

* * *

_"_ _Maura needs me." Jane says as the call disconnects, "I'll be back in an about an hour."_

_"_ _What?" Casey grunts as he looks up from his book._

_"_ _She is struggling with a few things and needs some moral support. I won't be long. And you are heading out to a PSTD meeting anyway. I'll be back before you are." She smiles at him sweetly, innocently, unaware that he is unhappy._

_He doesn't return the smile, "You're leaving me to go to her...again."_

_Jane pauses mid process of gathering her jacket and looks up bewildered at her boyfriend, his body language is as agitated as his tone._

_"_ _Do you...do you need me to stay?" She asks softly, her eyebrows crinkling together_

_"_ _Would it matter if I did?" He growls back showing his teeth a bit like an animal might._

_Jane drops her jacket on the arm of the chair and sits down close to Casey, "Of course it would matter. You are my boyfriend, Casey."_

_"_ _What about Moorrahhh?" He says her name bitterly_

_Jane swallows, "What's wrong Casey?" she keeps her tone soft and doesn't defensively protect her friend even though her heart is screaming at her too._

_Casey turns to Jane his eyes cold and lips pressed together._

_"_ _You are always rushing off to her. Celebrating a case at the dirty robber with her. Eating lunch with her. You always go to events with her. Yoga with have private jokes 'with her.' Do you even want me around?"_

_Jane leans back in the seat mainly from surprise. His words feeling like literally being hit. How could he have such a distorted perspective of her social life. The things she went to with Maura because he stood her up or wasn't around. Did he expect her to sit at home alone when he was away and wait for him. Did he want a Stepford wife for a partner._

_"_ _Casey. Why are you doing this."_

_"_ _Because you are_ _mine_ _Jane."_

_She frowns, not because she wouldn't be his if he asked, but because he didn't. She had waited for so long within their off-again-on-again dating for him to ask her to 'be his'._

_"_ _I will stay." She says barely above a whisper. She knows Maura will understand, will wait, will be ok without her. Maura is brave and has lived most of her life fighting her own battles her own way, before Jane, alone. As much as it pains her to make a promise and then break it, she will be faithful to him._

_"_ _Don't bother," Casey says with a glare and a grunt, "I am heading out anyway. Do as you please. You always do anyway."_

_"_ _Casey." It is the saddest way she has ever said his name. It's a way she never will again._

_She gets up to walk to him. To put her hand on his shoulder. To express that she is sorry. He swats her hand away like it is a pestering bug._

_"_ _I would do anything for you Casey. I wish you could see that."_

_"_ _Would you?"_

_Jane nods and touches him gently on the shoulder._

_"_ _Then don't have anything more to do with Maura."_

_The shock takes second to logic, and she manages a feeble pout, "But...I work 'with' her."_

_"_ _Fine. Then don't have anything to do with her outside of work." He demands_

_Jane's hand slips off Casey's arm and falls by her side, hanging lifelessly._

_"_ _She is my friend." Jane doesn't even mean to say it out loud. It just slipped out while her brain was evaluating every moment she had spent with Maura, from strangers in a coffee shop through to innocent sleepovers. Casey's crazy insecurities hadn't even reached her yet._

_"_ _If you love 'her' so much go be with 'her'." He spits_

_Jane looks up in surprise. "I love YOU Casey."_

_He doesn't acknowledge her words at all. And after a many moments pass, Jane lets out the stale breath she has been holding._

_"_ _Why are you so threatened by her?"_

_In an instant, his hand makes contact with her cheek and she steps back in surprise raising her own to cover the red sting he has left on her face. She is in too much shock to speak, to blink, to breathe._

_Casey glares at her, unfazed by his own action, unconcerned by hers._

_Her training has taught her not to react or retaliate. There is no knee-jerk reaction to slap him back. Scream at him. To tackle him like a perp and cuff his hands behind his back. There is just tingling and shock._

_Jane takes in a broken staggered breath and holds it. Casey puffs out his chest and crosses his arms. They stare at each other._

_There is no remorse, no sadness._

_Then Casey screws up his mouth in disgust, "I'm going out." He points at her his finger close to her face, "I will see you when I get back."_

_It's a demand or expectation she instantly wants to defy. Defy him or run from him. Run where? To Maura. Does or would that make it better or worse. Defy him and go to Maura. With the intention of saying 'in your face Casey' or just to feel safe. Could she beg for forgiveness later. Mercy. Tell him she was foolish. Or should she stay home and wait for him just to ease his fears and insecurities and her own fears. To live by his rules for his needs. Was it for her own sake. Did she push to far by insinuating he was threatened. Could she accidentally push too far again? And if she did, what was he capable of next time. Could it be worse...or would he be better. Should she spend the rest of her life walking on eggshells. What was she getting out of this. What was the cost._

_She hears the door slam only just noticing Casey isn't in front of her anymore._

_Realizing finally she is alone. Safer. Able to breathe._

_She sits down and blinks, processing everything. Trying to anyway._

_She chews her lip._

_She pushes her hand through her hair obstructed by soft tangles she doesn't feel._

_She puts her fingertips to her cheek exaggerating the feelings. Pricks of coolness against the fire, the burning._

_She tries to think back to the good times she had spent with Casey, however disjointed. Did the good times outweigh the bad. Could she write this off like the other times. Was ignoring the signs becoming a habit._

_So many abused women had passed through BPD doors, angry yet afraid, tormented yet unconsolable, often with young children in tow, very rarely with any bags of belongings only the clothes on their backs. They would listen to their stories, file a report, send officers with restraining orders. They would help carry crying children in bunny pajamas to police cars and drive them all to a woman's shelter uptown. They might try to hide bruises and cuts, they might had lied that they fell down stairs or walked into a door, but eventually the truth came out, whether it was in the police report, in the courtroom, or found by the medical examiner. She could never understand how they had stayed so long, let it get so bad, why had the breaking point been so far down the road, when all other options were exhausted, she still partly struggled to understand. But love, maybe love accepts more little by little, until the love is broken and no-one can put it back together anymore. maybe she understands a little more now. Maybe she would have more empathy for those victims now._

_Her phone rings. She hears it on the third ring and answers without a word._

_"_ _Jane are you alright?"_

_"_ _I'm fine Maura."_

_"_ _Where are you?"_

_"_ _I...um...I got held up. I haven't left yet. I..um...I'm sorry."_

_"_ _It's fine Jane. I was just worried. You said you were on your way over an hour ago."_

_"_ _An hour..." Jane looks at her watch, "Oh. Shit. I..."_

_"_ _Jane. It's fine. I promise. Do you want me to come to you? Or we can meet tomorrow instead"_

_"_ _No. No, I'm leaving now. And...um...Can I...can I stay the night at your place."_

_A soft chuckle comes through the line and warms her heart instantly, "You never need to ask Jane. Never. You can stay anytime."_

* * *

'The things I do for you.' Jane says directly to Maura, a smile playing on her lips as her dimple showing happiness. Casey pats her down checking for hidden weapons while keeping his gun at the ready and Jane stands firmly waiting. The moment Casey steps away, his search done, Jane steps towards Maura consciously placing herself between the two of them.

"No" Casey growls causing Jane to pause before she reaches Maura. She contemplates for a moment. She weighs up the knowledge she is giving him, possible reactions, outcomes. Whether he would shoot her in the back and let Maura watch her die...so close.

But her past fear of Casey is gone...because she now knows Maura is truly ok and if Casey wanted Maura dead she would be. He could have pulled the trigger the moment Jane walked in the room. The moment Jane would be able to see it happen and not be able to do anything.

"I want to see she is ok. Then we can talk." Compromise, negotiate, risk. Dead already or about to be dead would make no difference to Jane, Casey had already done all the damage he possibly could do to her...there was no more emotion he could draw out of Jane. Casey had wanted Jane to suffer, and she had. Now he wanted her to know that it was because of him, and she does. Now maybe he will tell her why or he won't. It was never about Maura anyway. It is about her and she is still breathing. Casey has not killed her yet, he wants something more. And so she takes the risk.

She takes a final step and closes the distance touching Maura's cheek with the back of her fingers, checking Maura is real. Her fingers slide behind Maura's neck and she pulls Maura into a tight hug.

It is a long awaited moment by them both and they both feel a surreal peace and relief.

And for a moment neither move.

* * *

_When Maura opens her front door she sees the maxillofacial trauma immediately. Reddened cheek from soft tissue injury caused most likely by impact. And although it isn't unusual for Jane to arrive with bruising or scratches at times, she has, however, been off-duty for the last 24 hours and not anywhere near her brothers since Frankie is on an undercover assignment and Tommy and TJ are on holiday in Florida._

_Maura reaches her hand up and cups her hand over Jane's cheek gently. The welt is slightly bigger than her own hand. In her mind she concludes it is from an open-handed slap or strike across the face, wikipedia would explain that it is often a way for someone to rebuke, rebuff or insult another person without causing major injury. She herself would never classify major or minor with a living person as the real damage is often unseen._

_Jane closes her eyes and doesn't speak. This strange behavior and these minor injuries are becoming too common lately. But they don't talk about it. If Maura pushes it they will have a fight about it. About space and respect and 'it's really none of your business'. Maura took it personally at first before she realized it caused her friend some feelings of shame. So now she tries to hold back her anger and discus it in indirect ways using the word hypothetically in completely un-hypothetical ways._

_Jane holds her breath. The touch is cool and gentle. Ice on fire. Soothing physically and emotionally._

_"_ _Come in." Maura offers dropping her hand and taking Jane's elbow to lead her gently inside. She will not push, pry or poke. Jane is here with her and right now that is all that matters._

_"_ _I have an ice-pack and some Aloe Vera."_

_"_ _I was hoping you were going to say you have icy beer." Jane retorts, the subtle beginnings of a smirk beginning to form._

_Maura squeezes her elbow tenderly, "Oh, I have that too."_

* * *

"I'm sorry Jane. I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry."

"Shhhhh. Don't say that Maur. It's not your fault." Jane says gently

Maura closes her eyes, "You shouldn't have come."

The brief relief is replaced by fear, and she can feel Maura's pulse speed up.

_Maura has a pulse_ she tells herself, _Maura is alive._

"Did he hurt you?"

"No." Casey did not hurt her in the way Jane is asking.

Casey watches the exchange intently, bemused perhaps.

Jane breathes in deep, finally she has arrived and knowing Maura is safe gives her strength.

She can't say goodbye to Maura, she can't bear too, but it is likely a goodbye hug. It is silent and gentle and strong and Maura feels herself tear up with the feelings she feels coming from Jane's body.

"I have never been so happy to see you." Jane whispers in her ear softly while her fingers deftly loosen Maura's restraint.

"I need you to get out of here."

Maura shudders, she understands what Jane wants, or needs, but she can't imagine leaving Jane in the hands of a man that wants to harm her.

"I can't leave you." Maura whispers back, her breath tickling Jane's neck and causing her to pause her movements for a moment.

"Maur-, I can't do what I have to if I have to worry about you being alright as well. I need you to go the moment he is distracted. Please Maur."

"Jane!" Maura's tone is mostly sad with a tiny hint of annoyance, "I won't".

"Maura. Please. I need you to trust me."

Maura shakes her head and is about to refuse when Casey interrupts them.

"That's enough," he growls stepping closer, "You've seen she is ok. So enough."

Jane turns and glares at Casey before ignoring him again. Jane closes her eyes and presses a soft kiss to Maura's cheek and pauses in place, wishing this, possibly a final moment, would somehow last forever.

"Don't look so worried Maur. What could go wrong." Jane says gently.

Maura bites her lip. So many things could go wrong and a million theories enter her brain at once. And the last time that line was used between them things did go very wrong.

Why would Jane even say that.

Then Jane straightens up, pulling away from Maura, and stands, keeping her own body squarely between Maura and Casey, she finally turns to face her perpetrator.

* * *

...to be continued...


	20. Chapter 2w3nty

Two people, two sets of eyes watch Jane, her face taunt and eyes firm and squinting, her mouth is a thin line, she grinds her teeth forcing the masseter muscle to flex and shift almost in sync with the brachii muscles that dance in time to the clenching and relaxing of her fists. She glares at her ex-boyfriend waiting for his next move. She ignores the gun in his hand.  


Two sets of eye's see completely different things. One see's a friend that will fiercely protect her to the death from the animal she is facing, someone that won't take anyone's crap. It doesn't matter that he has a loaded gun pointed at her and she is unarmed, it doesn't matter that he intends for her to suffer. She is the enigma of love. She will lay her life down for a friend. Her name should be in the dictionary beside the word sacrifice. Maura can see that Jane is ready to face her enemy. She is like a wild animal about to turn on her hunter and end this one way or the other.

The other set of eyes sees his mouse finally near the middle of the maze, inside the trap, a hunted animal facing it's final impossible challenge, a fight to survive. She seems determined and feisty. This is Jane at her finest, this is Jane ready to fight, to kill, and he smiles at the thought that she will lose. She looks tough on the outside, but the outside he doesn't care about, that slight flicker of fear in her eye, that pause when her fist is clenched, the way her chest holds that breath longer than necessary.  
A weak pathetic Jane would be no fun, there would be no victory in an easy defeat. He is pleased he had not broken her completely. He was sickly joyous he could hurt her at least one more time. Watch her feel her heart breaking pain one more time, accentuated by defeat. He see's a path of revenge at a crossroads.

"Casey." Jane growls, any softness from only a moment ago gone, replaced by disgust and anger.

Casey grins at her, he likes this reaction, "So you love her?" Casey says with a grin. He knows that is why she is here, why she didn't send in the SWAT team first. Love is the reason for his suffering and will be the reason for hers.

Jane glances over her shoulder at Maura's profile. At blonde matted curls falling over strong shoulders, shoulders that comforted her many times in the past, at the fearful look in usually gentle green eyes, eyes that had silently promised her everything would be ok. Love isn't something that happens by looks, it was never based on the physical. When Maura said 'you aren't my type', Jane had still felt Maura could have been her type. When Maura had said 'you're gorgeous my friend', Jane had hidden the blush.

But dimples and cute innocent looks, plus killer outfits and low cut tops, they were not love, what they had came by trust. Small trusts in small ways grew into a friendship of big trusts in bigger ways. Trusting Maura with a small secret then a big one, then sharing hidden feelings, and in the middle of sleepless nights her biggest fears.

And every response from Maura had been honest and sincere and caring. Loving. No judgement, therefore no shame. Her secrets had been kept, her fears had not been mocked, her feelings regardless of size or logic had been validated. She could open her heart and not have it crushed by a big uncaring boot. She could be herself and know she was safe. Was that love? It was the beginning of something she had not had with anyone else. Was it the type of love Casey was questioning? Losing Maura for so long and thinking she would never see her again had caused her to uncover some of her deeper thoughts and feelings she had managed to keep hidden from herself. She had been forced to imagine her life without Maura in it and had concluded she would hate it, completely, endlessly. If Maura died she would move on, she would have too...but if she had the choice she would fight to keep Maura as close as possible...forever. She wasn't 'Just a friend', it wasn't a platonic love, it wasn't a 'life long best friend forever' joke anymore.

If she answers Casey she could dangerously implicate Maura in his game if that isn't already the case, if she doesn't...he could decide to test their 'love'.

"Let her go." It's a demand that causes Casey's nasty grin to fall slightly, this is his game...not hers. He calls the shots. He planned this, not her.

"I don't think so." he growls back, his eyes dark and menacing yet his voice loosing some of it's control. He raises the gun higher and aims it in Maura's direction off to the side of Jane, he does it without looking at Maura.

Jane takes a step closer, "You don't need her anymore...you have me...you have what you want. Don't you have what you want Casey?"

She watches as Casey's eyes glimmer slightly, pleasure showing only there and nowhere else as he manages to hide any other feelings.

"It's just you and me Casey." It comes out softer than Jane would have liked it to but she doesn't correct it.

Jane moves closer and towards the right, Casey keeps his body facing Jane so his gun is forced off target. Jane keeps moving subtly around Casey causing him to turn.

She can't look over at Maura, she can't indicate that now is the time for her to get out, she give her plan away. She can only hope Maura understands and leaves.

Maura see's how Jane pulls Caseys focus and body away from her, she uses the hand Jane freed to free her other wrist. She slips off the chair onto her hands and knees. She can make it to the door, quietly over the glass, through the gap, and down the stairs. She can flee and leave Jane. Her heart contorts at the thought. Leave Jane at the mercy of a madman who dedicated hours to planning out horrendous ways to harm Jane and then capture her.

Jane takes another step forward and Casey, "You can do whatever you want to 'me', Casey." She says it low and tries desperately not to sound either seductive nor murderous...to keep away thoughts of just ripping his heart out.

When Maura hears Jane offer herself up like a trophy to him, she feels worse. She knows she can't leave Jane like this, not for her own sake, no matter Jane's intentions. It's not a matter of trusting Jane, at this point it might be a matter of protecting Jane from herself, from the decisions she thinks is best. Besides, it is Maura's life too, not just Jane's.

Jane takes another step forward and holds her hands together behind her back and lowers her head to one side, a move that makes her look particularly submissive and vulnerable.

"What do you really want Casey? What do you want to do to me?"

Maura looks at the chair she just abandoned, any minute Casey will realize Maura is gone, he will be angry. She has to act soon.

Maura carefully fishes the butterknife out of her pants, clutching it tightly. Wondering how she can attack him without Jane getting hurt.

She won't leave Jane. Never ever. Jane would never leave her when she was in danger.

"What do you want Casey?" her voice crackles in emotion. Maybe a hint of fear.

Casey watches Jane, "I want you to hurt like you hurt me Jane."

His voice is cold and reminds her of those times they had fought.

She frowns just a little, "I didn't know I hurt you. I didn't mean too."

Casey stands stiffly unmoving, the gun held loosely in his hand.

"How can I fix this?" She asks softly.

When she stops in front of him, Jane reaches out her hands to him, palms open and at the last minute pauses and pulls back ever so slightly.

She wonders if she is stronger than him. She wonders if she is doing the right thing.

Casey watches her the malice slowly leaving his face as she stands so close to him. Jane's eyebrows raise slightly as she watches him, it's like there are two people, the one she knew and loved long ago, and the angry one she saw a few times.

She extends her left hand and grazes his cheek gently, "Casey, I'm so so sorry. I never meant to hurt you."

He relaxes at her touch then stiffens again. His eyes dart across her face searching for any sign of a lie.

"This is all my fault." She breathes as her fingers slip across his jawline and down his neck. It's not a lie, Maura in danger was her fault.

She is sincere, her eye's tell him that. If she lied to him her eyebrow would move up ever so slightly and she would have to break eye contact for just a moment. She doesn't.

Her voice is weak and tearful and comes out broken, "Forgive me Casey?"

Casey reaches his hand up to his neck and takes her hand. He holds it strangely like he is deciding how to use it. Jane uses all her will-power not to move, not to flinch. She will decide how to take him down based on his reaction. She hopes she gets the chance. She can only hope she hasn't bitten off more than she can chew this time.

* * *

_She reaches out her fingers and pauses before making contact with soft skin, skin between a nose an and ear. An inch separates touch. Maura sighs in her sleep and Jane holds her breath._

_She want's to thank Maura for being here, being there, today and last week. She didn't get the chance to thank her earlier, or she was afraid too, she can't remember which now. A touch on her cheek would not be a sufficient thanks, it wouldn't mean anything really, it might even wake Maura and she might not be happy, or worse, it might be taken wrongly, like it meant something more than it did. She isn't sure what the touch she wants to give means, but it would be easier than words. It would say remember that time you saw me hurting, and you touched my face, my red cheek, and didn't say a word about how stupid I was. When you were there for me even if I didn't realize I needed you to be. When you didn't even realize how safe I felt. When you didn't mean to help but you were just being you...It meant everything to me and so I wanted to touch you back to...to thank you...to...what?_

_Was it too soon, to close to the tail-end of a breakup, too raw._

_Was she still too exposed._

_Jane chickens out and tightens her hand into a ball instead, content to just stare at Maura. She thought about what happened last week, on this couch._

_Last week had been like so many other times they spent together. So many times when Casey wasn't around, was in anther country or doing his own thing. So many times when Jane and Maura were again forced to be together for emotion reasons because there was no-one else._

_They had sat on Jane's couch together, the turmoil of the day being dulled by alcohol. Grief clouded celebration so they weren't at the Dirty Robber at the end of this particular case. Child deaths were always difficult to deal with and so they talked it through, together. Their perspectives, emotions, thoughts and fears. About injustice, corruption, and a world lacking a much needed balance. They talked until the pain was lessened somewhat. Until maybe there was nothing left to say. Until the four year old boy was no longer plaguing their every thought._

_And then after that, they had talked about life in general. Friends, mothers, guest-houses. The latest cop movie and how unrealistic it was and how Maura really, really had to see it. And then Maura bored Jane talking about the cutest pair of shoes on Amazon. Jane decided a movie would be a good distraction from shoes._

_Thelma and Louise._

_They fought over the genre. They laughed about being badass. Maura had pretended to hold a gun and Jane had tackled it off her. They had giggled like schoolgirls. They had thrown popcorn at the screen when the guys in the movies were jerks._

_They quickly ran out of popcorn._

_And just past halfway through, Maura fell asleep, mostly on Jane. Ten minutes later Jane followed, mainly because staying so still made her sleepy too._

_It was maybe an hour later, maybe more, she had been woken by Casey yanking her to her feet in the near dark lounge. She cried out. She had struggled to stand. She was disorientated, clumsy and surprised. She hadn't known it was Casey until after she swung her free arm defensively into the darkness hoping to stop the intruder. She caught only air and she might have thought it was all a horrible nightmare if it wasn't for the persistent grip on her arm keeping her somewhat upright._

_"_ _What are you doing?" Casey's angry voice came from beside her causing one rational fear to subside and be replaced by another slightly less rational fear._

_The whites of his eyes had glinted and she wanted to run away. Maura had woken because of the sudden disappearance of her comfortable pillow and the noises around her, and she called out panicked out into the darkness something Jane couldn't remember. Casey had held Jane tighter instead of letting go._

_"_ _Casey stop." Jane had cried out again this time in pain trying to use her free hand to loosen his grip._

_"_ _This is what you choose?" He yelled back, "I find you like this? Defying me intentionally...cuddling...with her."_

_Maura made her way to the light-switch and flicked it on. A cry left her lips when she saw Jane held roughly, possessively, in place by Casey. Jane's eyes found Maura's and the fear was replaced by shame. Maura's instinct combined with the buildup of anger, of all the ways she suspected he had hurt Jane over the past months, had her picking up her phone and giving Casey an ultimatum. "Let her go. Now. Or I call the police."_

_He spun to face Maura his eye's steely and she stood her ground. phone held up and ready. He dropped Jane's arm and she fell to her knees burying her face in her hands._

_"_ _Is this your choice Jane. Do you choose Maura over me?" He growled at her over his shoulder._

_There was a small pause while no one moved. Maura and Casey in a brutal stare-down and Jane still sitting awkwardly between the coffee table and the couch._

_"_ _No." Was the muffled reply that came out in a gravelly voice from behind shaking hands._

_Then Jane looked up, her first glance at Maura whose face was flushed with something like anger. Then she looked at Casey who looked like a fighter about to attack in freeze-framed action movie. She pulled herself to her feet. She won't be under him anymore, lower than him, less or controlled or afraid of him. She will face him at his level. She knows now that it isn't love anymore; because otherwise she would feel safe, cared for and free._

_She stood to her full height, her shoulder straight and her hands balled into fists._

_"_ _But..." She growled loudly, her eyes trained on Casey, "I do_ _not_ _choose you."_

_He turned to her in shock, his mouth agape and eyes wide._

_"_ _You should leave." She added, her old confidence beginning to mount._

_He had looked at her, then looked at Maura. He looked like he might refuse. He evaluated his options. And then he had left._

_And she had felt safe again, staring at the closed door Maura locked behind him._

_She knew Maura was staring at her, she knew she should give an explanation, she wished she could disappear through the floorboards. She didn't want to look at Maura, she was mostly afraid of what Maura thought of her right now. Would think when she learned more details. She had been able to hide it, keep it to herself. She couldn't hide it from Maura anymore._

_"_ _How did this happen?"_

_She had been thinking it herself for sure, and often, she just didn't know Maura was thinking it too._

_She had whispered a thank you but Maura was still too wide-eyed and anxious to hear her._

_She had sat down on her couch and watched Maura frowning, putting the pieces of the puzzle together. She leaned back and closed her eyes._

_"_ _Are you ok?" Maura asks gently sitting beside her and suddenly her eyelids can't keep the tears at bay._

_Tonight was different, better, safer. Her deadbolts were changed, they were relaxed. Maura no longer asked for details she knew Jane wanted to hide. A week had passed but it felt like longer. Together again as if it was almost meant to be just the two of them. She was back to being sarcastic most of the time, she didn't want to be serious...except to really say thank you. Thank you for not judging me, for being here, for being safe. A brush to a cheek would never be enough, but one day she would repay Maura. One day she would do something to really say, without words, 'Thank you for saving my life'._

* * *

Casey stumbles forward against Jane with a groan almost knocking her over with him.

Jane manages to hold him up even in her surprise. She looks for a snipper through the window, a reason for him to be partially immobile, she wonders if Maura made it outside already and Korsak already made his move.

But instead she see's Maura, baseball bat raised above her head already on her second backswing. Maura and her crazy baseball stance for optimum results. Jane barely has time to step back slightly so she is completely clear of the bat as it makes contact with Caseys skull again only centimeters from the first impact point. His gun drops out of his hand as he topples forward knocking Jane off her feet. He falls to the ground unable to get his arms under him to stop or slow his fall. His head bounces like a melon before coming to rest by Jane's foot.

Maura throws the bat off to her side with one hand and swoops down to pick up Casey's gun. She has a crazed look in her eyes as she points the barrel towards the back of Casey's head. She doesn't speak. She doesn't move.

Jane is quickly back on her feet assessing the situation. It happened so fast, yet Casey is out cold and her and Maura are alive. It's over...it should be over...but it's not.

Maura isn't herself, she is possibly in shock. It's like she wants him to move, want's an excuse to shoot him. Jane can almost see her brain working, she see's the twitch of her eye as she fights to hold concentration against the exhaustion of her captivity.

"Maura put the gun down" Jane begs softly

Maura shakes her head

"Maura, don't do this. Please."

Maura holds the gun the way Jane had showed her once. Push Pull. Relax. She didn't feel badass right now though. Now she understood why Jane never felt badass when she held a gun despite how she looked. It wasn't fun. It wasn't a game. It was serious. One squeeze of the trigger and a man would loose his life. He would be like all the people that ended up on her autopsy tables.

"Put the gun down Maura."

Maura grips tighter and shifts her feet to better balance. She can hear Jane moving towards her position on her right.

"Stop. Jane. Stop."

Jane freezes and holds her hands up to surrender, to promise safety.

"You don't want to do this Maura."

Maura looks down at the unconscious man at her feet. She did want to do this. Could she share that sort of thing with Jane. Would she loose all her respect because she really did want him dead.

"Aren't you angry at him Jane. Don't you want this?"

Jane shifts from one foot to the other. This might not be the best time for honesty and a calmer setting might have been ideal for what she wants to say. But she won't lie to Maura, not at a time like this.

"No Maur. I'm just so happy you are ok." Jane's voice is soft and honest

Maura grimaces, "He 'hurt' you."

"It doesn't matter. Only you matter."

Maura wants to believe it. But she can't let go. She needs to hurt him for what he did to them both. To her.

"Maura?"

"He should pay." Her voice is edgy and cold and for a moment she realizes she sounds like Casey did. Casey wanted Jane to pay. Revenge. But he had no right to think he was owed that. Jane never did anything to him. He had hurt Jane more times than she cared to count before he was out of her life only to come back into it and hurt her again. And this time Maura as well. For no good reason except inside his twisted mind. He should pay.

"I know he should. And he will Maur."

Does she want to be like Casey...seen like him, thought of like him, become like him. Someone simply deciding what they are owed and taking it without regard to anyone else, "He hurt me, Jane."

"I know he did, and I am...so, so sorry."

Her brain runs through it all. Everything he did, how much of it she can forgive and how much of it she will have to work at to let go. "And he ruined my sweater."

Jane bites her lip, bites back a smile. That sounded more like her Maura, the sweet one that wouldn't hurt anyone ever including her own murderous biological father.

"He deserves this." The voice has grown darker and deeper again as an internal battle rages inside.

"Maur..."

"He is a pathological narcissist. He has no true feelings for others, no guilt, no remorse. He does not have a conscience because he does not hold himself responsible for the consequences of his actions. He thinks it is our fault for what he has done to us...that we deserved it...and more..."

"I will personally make sure he is never able to hurt anyone ever again." Jane interrupts gently.

"Jane," Maura sniffs and refocuses, "You know what the system is like. You can't guarantee 'that' while he is still alive."

Jane knows this. A 20 year old war veteran is going to be looked on with sympathy by a jury. A perfect record, no complaints against him, no reports of abuse. And especially a war veteran with a history of PTSD who's unborn baby was killed while he was in Afghanistan. And even if he goes to prison for kidnapping and attempted murder, good behavior would get him out early. If he pleads insanity, which any decent lawyer would instruct him, a mental hospital could even allow him freedoms he doesn't deserve.

Jane gulps. Maura is right, she doesn't know. But she does know what killing feels like.

She has however never taken a life if she didn't absolutely have too. Right or wrong its the only reason she knows she can sleep at night.

Right or wrong it is her job, it is not personal.

It was never revenge.

Right or wrong, Casey is still human. Not a good one perhaps, like a lot of them out there.

But right or wrong Jane never played judge, jury or executioner because she knew the consequences mentally and emotionally.

But even killing someone when you had too wasn't easy. To see them breath in one second and not the next and to know you are responsible was internally painful.

Destructive.

Many cops had quit or gone off the rails even when they did their job by the book.

Taking a life changes you.

Jane's first on the job shooting, she had almost lost herself. She had almost quit. She had taken the week off and she had gone to BPD counseling as the mandatory part of the job when you shot someone. She would have gone even if it wasn't mandatory. But it didn't help her. Nothing helped, nothing made it easier, nothing blocked out the memories every time you closed your eyes.

Nothing except time helped.

Sure she had gone back to work, shot other perps, moved on. Sure it got easier.

But she still remembered them. Knew she had altered many lives. Knew things weren't the same after.

She also knows there are other ways, people that owe her favors. She can keep him locked up for a very long time. That his death could be on her not Maura. She could handle it, add it to the already too long list.

Casey stirs slightly but doesn't gain full consciousness.

"Maura. You can't come back from this. It changes you. It changed me."

Maura adjusts her hands. They are a little sweaty and she doesn't want to loose her grip.

"You don't seem any different. You seem perfectly fine Jane."

"You didn't know me before. You don't have a reference for how much I changed."

Maura knows Jane is right. And Jane knows Maura can still be reached on a cognitive level.

But if you asked anyone what Jane was like before it happened, before her fourth month on the job, they would tell you that Jane was more open and more sensitive than now. That she once openly shared her feelings with those she trusted.

She had always joked and been a little sarcastic, and she really never liked hugs...but she was not introverted like she became. Sarcasm was never a protection.

Jane wouldn't take any of it back because she loved her job, she loved saving people, helping people, stopping the bad guys from hurting more people, she liked justice...and that part was just one of the worst parts of it all, a necessary evil, but she didn't want Maura to go through it. She wasn't sure Maura could come back from it.

Maura was so sensitive, and honest, and sweet. So caring despite her calm and professional covering.

Heck...Maura had cried when Jane didn't want to run in the same outfit as her.

And here was the most wonderful loving kind person in the world...holding a gun and threatening to kill her captor.

"It doesn't matter Jane."

Jane takes a careful step closer her hands still raised her palms facing Maura.

"It does matter sweetheart."

Maura shakes her head like she has to shake off Jane's gentleness.

"I don't want to regret not killing him like you regretted not killing Hoyt."

Jane inches a little closer, "I promise you that you won't. He will never hurt you again Maura. _Never_."

Maura feels a tear trickle down her cheek.

"I almost lost you once Maura. I can't loose you this way Maura. Not when I just got you back. Please. For me. Please don't do this."

Jane moves her foot to take another step.

"Stop Jane. Stop moving. I can't think."

Jane jumps at the tone and stays still. She would like to say that lack of nutrition and sunlight are probably contributing to her problem solving skills and she shouldn't make decisions on an empty stomach, however it could be seen as a joke or equally likely it could be added to the many reasons Casey deserves to be punished.

Jane's eyes flick between Maura's trigger finger and Casey's still body. She isn't sure what to do. Try and get the gun off Maura and risk it going off but maybe being able to take the blame of Casey's death on herself, or try to talk her down.

Casey groans and moves his hand to his head and presses near the contusion and then stops moving again.

Maura tenses which pulls the trigger finger slightly tighter and squints her eyes in concentration.

Jane holds her breath. Her beautiful best friend is about to shoot her asshole ex-boyfriend with his own gun.

Once it had been her that shot her best friends biological father.

What could possibly go wrong? This. This she had not expected.

"Maura...you know this is my fault. You would have to find a way to live with killing him. But Maura..."

"What?" Maura snaps becoming impatient to get this over with one way or another.

"I will have to live with the guilt of you being hurt and you having to live with it. Knowing all of this is my fault."

"It isn't you fault Jane. HE did this."

"Because of me." Jane's voice comes out almost disjointed. And Maura is forced to think back to the conversation Jane had with Frankie in the park.

_"_ _Frankie don't. Please don't say that. I can't...I couldn't...I -I wouldn't... if...if Maura was h-hurt because of...because of me."_

Jane takes a small step closer, her arm outstretched, she can't believe how much she is shaking. She never shakes.

"Maura...please...don't...I...I love you, so so much... and...shit...I really need you to not do this." Jane's voice breaks at the end and she feels tears sting her own eyes.

Maura bites her lip and furrows her brows without taking her eye's off Casey.

Jane moves cautiously a little bit closer.

"Maura..."

* * *

...to be continued...


	21. Chapter 2w3nty1

_"_ _Maura. Do you remember all those times that I couldn't stay away from a case?"_

_"_ _I do. One of those times you ruined my good napkins."_

_"_ _That all feels like a lifetime ago. Like it was another person."_

_"_ _Only it wasn't another person. It was you."_

_"_ _It is so strange. One different decision. One change. And we wouldn't be here. I wouldn't be going to quit."_

_Maura sighs softly, "I don't want you to stop working Jane. I love that you help people. You love helping people. They need you. The sick, the lost, the hurting. I'm sorry I said you should quit. I was just afraid I might loose you." Maura clenches her fists tightly, "That I might still. I think I have always been worried about that."_

_"_ _This isn't about what you said Maur. I just...I am confused right now."_

_Jane rubs her face and swirls her beer slowly before taking a sip._

_"_ _Those people you have helped...where would they be today if you hadn't done what you did...if some things had been different a long time ago?"_

_Jane licks her lips and struggles against a mountain of guilt._

_"_ _Someone else would have done the things I did."_

_"_ _Would they have?"_

_Jane shrugs limply, "I guess." She doesn't sound too convinced_

_"_ _There are few people as much or more dedicated than you Jane. And there are even less that care for others as much as you. That isn't even taking into account how you manage to solve cases as efficiently and assiduously as you do."_

_"_ _Stop Maur." Jane says softly as she blushes slightly and hides behind her beer bottle._

_"_ _As much as I hate worrying about you...I know for definite that there are people out there that need you. That only 'you' can help."_

_"_ _I...I don't know..."_

_"_ _I want you to be safe, always Jane, but I don't want you to be anything other than who you are."_

_"_ _Maur." Jane breathes, 'Thank you...but I don't think I know who I am anymore."_

_"_ _You have experienced a great and tragic loss. That doesn't change who you are. It only changes how you see things."_

_"_ _It all hurts me. It hurts when I see a young family together. Kids at the park. When people are reunited and happy. It hurts me that I almost had that. Even if I don't know what it would really have felt like to have it...I should have been able to find out."_

_Maura sighs, she already knows comforting words and understanding won't help Jane, she has tried for several weeks now._

_"_ _How do you feel when you solve a case and bring people peace and closure?"_

_"_ _Sometimes it hurts me that they are so happy while I am trying to hide how much I really hurt inside."_

_Maura reaches out and rests her hand on Janes forearm swallowing heavily._

_"_ _You will heal in time Jane. But maybe it was just too soon to go back to work. You need to take more time."_

_"_ _More time to feel sorry for myself? To dwell on everything around me? What I lost. What I gave up. More time to sit around wondering what I should be doing." She takes a breath, "I would go mad."_

_"_ _So take it one day at a time. Just each day as it comes. Take lots of breaks. Come down to the morgue more often and see me. Talk to me. I am here for you. For you Jane. And I will be here for you regardless of what you decide to do."_

_Jane puts her hand over Maura's and squeezes a thank you._

_"_ _I know. I just hate that it hurts so much, even to help people. I feel...so conflicted."_

_"_ _Would it hurt less if you didn't work in homicide? Would you be happier? Would your mother be happier knowing you were away from danger? Would I be happier?"_

_Jane pauses in thought, her eyes meeting Maura's for just a moment, "Probably not."_

_"_ _Then don't quit. Not yet. Not today. Solve one more case and see how you feel tomorrow."_

_Jane bites her lip._

_"_ _There is no rush. Just take it slowly."_

_"_ _Okay." Jane breathes out inside a heavy sigh_

_Maura smiles comfortingly, "I will be beside you the whole time. I promise."_

_Jane finishes her beer and plays with the label peeling the corners off, distracting herself._

_"_ _Jane?"_

_"_ _Maur. What would cause you to have to quit?"_

_"_ _Why Jane. Why do you need to know?"_

_Jane shrugs again, "Dunno. We just never talked about it. Maybe it would help me to know."_

_"_ _The circumstances that would force me to resign would be when I was no longer able to do my work competently and professionally. I would be no longer able to find the evidence that answered the questions needed. No longer able to speak for the dead."_

_Jane twists her mouth slightly, "That is kinda sweet in a morbid way."_

_Maura chuckles softly, "Being professional means everything to me."_

_"_ _What about morally?"_

_Maura plays with the ring on her finger in thought, no-one has ever asked her that before,_

_"_ _Well..." She begins, "I suppose, being a doctor, the moral obligation was to first do no harm. Being a medical examiner means it is rather difficult to harm somebody already deceased, unless I behave negligently. But..."_

_Jane watches her intently, intrigued by the effort to answer what seemed like a simple question._

_"_ _I'm not sure I would feel the same about anything if I caused harm to someone. I think I would have to question everything I had worked for."_

_Jane bites her lip, "What if it was an accident?"_

_"_ _I don't know. I might be able to rationalize it and continue forward knowing humans make mistakes. But I would probably second guess myself all the time."_

_"_ _I suppose robots don't make mistakes so that won't happen."_

_Maura laughs at the joke, she will always laugh at that joke, "I do everything within my power to not make any mistakes."_

_Jane rubs her hands together, watching the scars stay white longer than the rest of her hand because of the slower blood-flow around the scar tissue. Scars that reminded her of all the mistakes she has made, accidents she has had. Her job isn't as clean cut as Maura's, there are no step-by-step guides on the protocols they follow. They are differences that match their personalities._

_"_ _I couldn't do what you do Jane." It's like she can read her mind._

_Maura reaches over and puts her hand in Jane's preventing her from rubbing her hands raw, she starts to gently massage the muscles and nerves relieving the pain and stress._

_Jane watches Maura's hands while she works, hands so clean, so spotless, so innocent._

_"_ _Have you ever killed anyone Maur?"_

_Maura pauses her movements, "I haven't Jane. I don't think I could."_

_"_ _I didn't think I could once either."_

_"_ _What happened?"_

_Jane pushes her hands into Maura's silently requesting her to continue_

_"_ _You get trained to shoot at targets. It all seems so routine. But out on the streets, I don't know, you're ready but at the same time you think it won't happen to you. You think maybe you'll never be in that situation even though logic tells you that's ridiculous. But then...it comes down to you or them, and your training kicks in. It isn't like you stand there and get to analyze the situation, you just have to act. And then it's done. You did something you hoped you wouldn't have too. And you wonder if it will happen again."_

_Maura sighs softly, sadly._

_"_ _The only time I got to think about what I was doing, really think about it and know I could have done something different...was with Hoyt. I could have incapacitated him without killing him. I could have."_

_Maura see's the mixed emotions cross her friends face._

_"_ _I had a choice. And I don't regret what I did because that son-of-bitch would have gone another round if I didn't. He was determined to cause suffering to me. And the people he had hurt or killed...we still don't know how many in total. Yet the relief from the constant fear he caused was the most rewarding...enough so to make me do the same again I think. But...even in that relief, in the justice, I found myself wondering if I should have acted differently. He would have suffered in his death and he was dying anyway. I still see the joy in his face when I brought that scalpel down and plunged it into his chest. I wondered if that is what he wanted, for me to kill him in an act of revenge to bring me closer to being like him."_

_"_ _You aren't like him." Maura promises_

_"_ _He died knowing I didn't have to take his life. He won in a way."_

_"_ _No. He lost. He wanted to take you to hell with him and he failed."_

_"_ _Maybe Hell isn't a place you go when you die. Maybe its a place you can live in. And maybe I might have gone there too."_

_"_ _Did you?" Maura asks softly confused. Jane had been almost excited after he died even saying it was the best birthday present ever._

_"_ _Only in my nightmares. Only when I had to do it over and over again every night. When I was awake I was free, not looking over my shoulder all the time. But for a long time, in my sleep, he still had a hold on me."_

_"_ _I didn't know that Jane, I'm sorry."_

_Jane squeezes Maura's hands, "I'm ok. I'm ok now. It took time. And you being there for me. And maybe knowing he would have hurt you gave me what I needed to get past it."_

_"_ _I'll always be here for you, Jane."_

_"_ _Ditto."_

* * *

"Maura..."

Maura looks up, her eyes wet with hurt and also anger, she gives Jane a look of confusion, internal conflict.

"I'm here for you. And because I love you I don't want you do this. It won't fix anything, it won't change anything...but it will change you. It will change me. And it will definately change us."

"I want to do this for you, Jane. To..to protect you."

"It might seem that way now, but doing this will _hurt_ me, because it will hurt you."

Maura swallows heavily, her body losing it's stiffness, her strength waining, "I don't want to hurt you." Barely a whisper.

Jane reaches out and places her hand slowly over Maura's hands, a feather-light touch.

At the connection Maura bursts into tears.

She is suddenly like a lost child.

Jane closes her hand around the gun and pushes the barrel of the gun towards the ground and away from Casey's head and her other arm wraps around Maura. She slips the gun out of Maura's hands completely while Maura's sobs jolt through her own body. Maura slides to the floor taking a willing Jane with her.

Jane imagines the tears are mostly from relief, it is over, finally.

"You're ok baby. You're fine." Jane whispers into her hair.

Casey stirs again and groans.

Maura doesn't notice, she is lost in her own feelings, but Jane notices.

She holds his gun, and she holds Maura. And it's like last time, with Hoyt, she has a choice, she has time to think about it, and like last time, no matter what she chooses to do...she won't loose Maura.

Casey rolls onto his front and tries to lift himself up with one arm, he groans in pain but Jane feels no sympathy for him at all.

She watches him, if he gets up she could shoot him and claim self-defense. If he doesn't get up she could still shoot him, half the department would back her up.

Casey almost gets to his knees but collapses again. If she cared, she would hate watching him struggle. She hated watching him when he couldn't walk, when he was on crutches, when he asked her not to watch him walk away. She had cried for him quietly. That was before, he had changed after that, but even before he changed she didn't love him anymore, she wasn't sure she ever had.

After watching him for a few more minutes and seeing that soon he would succeed, soon he would be on his feet, she recognizes her need for him as far from Maura and herself as humanly possible, she doesn't want to ever lay eyes on him again.

"Korsak. It's clear. Get in here." Jane says out loud. If Korsak doesn't hear her she might have to stop Casey herself, either way it doesn't matter to her. The only thing she cares about right now is the sobbing mess sitting on her and soaking her neck.

It takes 9 seconds for the eight member SWAT team to burst through the door sending the table Casey had wedged behind it toppling into the room. Two of them have firearms on Casey within seconds. Cries of 'clear' echo off her walls of her home. Jane doesn't watch as they finally pull Casey to his feet and drag him outside. Jane had nuzzled her face into Maura's neck and hides there, just pleased he is gone.

She hears Frankie and Korsak sigh in relief when they see Maura is alive.

Jane lifts her head "She's ok." she mouths over Maura's shoulder to them.

Korsak nods and gives her a beaming smile. He is as happy now as all the times he found Jane alive when he didn't expect her to be.

"Gee that guy was a real jerk." Frankie says looking around the room wondering if there is beer in Janes fridge and if he should kick the celebrations off early.

Korsak looks at Casey's gun in Jane's hand, her own gun lying near the other wall, and a bloody baseball bat abandoned on the floor. He has a million questions he want's to ask. There wlll be almost as many questions the will have to answer with IA.

Frankie's attention in drawn to Casey's duffle-bag on the counter.

Weapons of all shapes and sizes. Grenades to a bear trap and strange things in between.

"You two have a pretty similar track record with guys now." Frankie says in Jane's general direction not realizing Jane has no idea of what Casey had planned for her.

Jane buries her face in Maura's tangled blonde locks again and wishes her brother was close enough to whack.

Korsak skims the items and wonders exactly what Casey did have in store and if he will talk. If he will plead guilty. He wonders if Jane will regret not killing him herself.

He turns to Frankie and raises an eyebrow. Frankie shifts uncomfortably and pulls out a pair of gloves getting ready to document and report everything.

Korsak shakes his head, "CRSU will do that. We can't run this investigation ourselves."

Jane looks at Korsak as he looks up from the duffel-bag. She had seen the bag when she first arrived, she didn't want to know what was in it.

After a minute more of waiting for Jane and Maura to get up, Frankie asks, "You two need a minute?"

Korsak turns to Frankie and thumps him lightly in the arm.

"Ouch. What was that for?"

Korsak holds his hands up in surrender, "Jane couldn't reach just then." He says defensively.

Jane smiles and chuckles, then closes her eyes just enjoying the feeling of her very alive best friend in her arms.

Korsak starts to walk towards the door, "C'mon Frankie. Lets give them a few minutes."

She hears Frankie grumble loudly before following him.

"That's what I just said."

She feels Maura move slightly and refocuses on the moment.

Maura slowly pulls away from Jane's chest, tears still slowly trickling down her face leaving pink trails, still shaking slightly, red eyes.

"Are you ok Maur?"

"I am...I will be."

Her hazel green eyes lock onto Janes brown ones and Jane smiles at the sight of her.

"Jane?"

"Yes Maura."

The slightest smirk plays at the edges of Maura's mouth, for a moment they almost light up her eyes like a Christmas tree.

"You said...you said you love me..."

Jane chuckles softly and studies Maura's face warmly

"Do you really love me, Jane?"

Jane's eyes sparkle like they sometimes do when they are flooded with warmth and sincerity, her dimples appear a moment later, "I would never ever deny it Maur. I do love you."

Maura sniffs softly, the tears have finally stopped and Maura studies Jane in return, Jane wouldn't just say something like that in the moment, but she half expected Jane to deny it.

Jane doesn't take her eye's off of Maura but she doesn't speak either. She will give her as long as she needs to process this ordeal. She won't put any pressure on her or confuse her in any way.

Maura looks at Jane's lips, silently debating whether she wants to kiss Jane or just stay as friends that care about each other more than anything else on earth, like they have for so long now. They could still carry on as they always have.

Finally her eyes lock back onto Jane's and she is grateful for the strength and love she sees in them. That she has always seen in them. She can't even begin to count the times she has seen that look and others like it. Some gentle, some protective, some concerned, some proud, some maybe a little bit of them all.

"I love you too Jane. I do. But...but what if...what if it doesn't work out? What if I loose my best friend?"

The what if rolled off her tongue like she had been saying it all her life. 'What if' separated the old her that would run away from Jane with the new her that might take more risks...because 'what if' it does work out. 'What if' she does run away and looses Jane anyway. 'What if' she doesn't try.

The future is so unknown, so fragile, so precious.

Jane doesn't reply because Maura doesn't like it when she guesses, she only smiles at Maura's words.

_I love you too._

The last four weeks had been torturous...she could have lost Jane during anyone of those days that she was a captive.

And deep down she knows that Jane has always been there, and will always be there no matter what.

"I can't imagine life without you." It's barely a whisper but Jane hears it anyway.

"Maura. Whatever you decide...as long as it is within my power...you will never loose me."

Maura uncontrollably releases another few tears for an entirely different reason. She lifts her hand and cups Jane's cheek gently and she smiles, "Jane, You are all I have thought about since..."

"Since you were taken?"

"Longer" Maura says with a sigh

Jane grins, "So I am your type?"

Maura laughs softly and nods

"Can I kiss you Maura?"

Maura's face drops, "What? No."

Jane looks like she has just been soccer punched in the stomach.

"I...I thought...

"Jane...I...I really need to brush my teeth...it has been...weeks."

"A shower wouldn't hurt either." Jane says scrunching up her nose and tenderly tucking some stray hair behind Maura's ear.

"Jane..." Maura fakes a shocked gasp.

Jane leans close and presses a soft firm kiss to the side of Maura's face beside her ear, and holds it. When she pulls away Maura pulls her back in for a hug, "I missed you Jane. Thank you for finding me."

Jane squeezes her back and then pulls away pulling herself up off the ground, "C'mon, lets get out of here."

Maura places hers hand in Jane's outstretched one, "Where are we going?"

"You need to shower and brush your teeth...because I really _really_ want to kiss you."

Jane puts her arm around Maura to leads her towards the door.

"Aww Jane. That is very sweet."

"And also we can't stay here...I have actually lost count of how many times my home has been a crime scene."

"Maybe you should just leave the police tape up this time."

"Maybe I should. By the way, nice swing." Jane says it proudly, she had helped Maura with using a bat, "Um...where did you find my baseball bat?"

"Why? Had you lost it?" Maura raises her eyebrows

"No Maura, I don't _loose_ things. I just store them safely untill I have to hunt for them again."

They walk through the door leaving it open and head for the stairs.

"I should probably get a physical checkup by the EMT."

"Arggggg," Jane throws her head back and groans, "How long will _that_ take?" She whines

Maura chuckles softly, "Not too long."

They emerge into the light and the hustle bustle of emergency crews doing their thing. Ambulances, police cars, SWAT van, crime scene truck, and tape for miles. Kent Drake gives a slightly worried wave in their direction as he carries gear from his truck. Cavanaugh is on the phone looking like it might be serious. There are reporters behind the tape calling out to them, their camera's flashing brightly. Jane spots Korsak over by the ambulance talking to a few guys in military uniforms. He smiles at Jane when he sees her and waves her over. She can't see Casey anywhere but the EMT is waiting beside Korsak anyway so they head that way.

Maura follows the EMT worker and drags Jane with her to the back of the ambulance unprepared to be separated just yet.

"Jane." Korsak appears interrupting the moment when the EMT first tries to get Maura to let go of Jane. Any other time it would look quite funny as she glares at him and slaps his hand.

Jane slips her hand into Maura's helping her relaxed and allowing the poor man to do his job and looks up at Korsak.

"Casey was never dishonorably discharged when he went AWOL. So he is still under and subject to Military Court. They will investigate and I guess he will be punished by Court Marshal. Because of the type of assault he will not only be dishonorably discharged but also face up to 10 years in confinement, among other punishments."

Jane nods and gives him a smile. It is good news. In Civilian Court he would have a better chance of pleading insanity or using PTSD to get reduced charges, and at the same time he wouldn't have access to the help he obviously needed. But he won't be able to hurt them ever again.

She looks at Maura's grimy face and messed hair, she see's the new frown lines that have formed across her forehead, she wishes Casey's punishment could reverse all that had happened.

"None of this your fault Jane." Maura says with a smile as she tries to put on a brave face. Jane squeezes Maura's hand and gives her a soft smile. Then her face completely changes as she looks at the EMT with an annoyed look that would be impossible to mistake for anything else.

"Aren't you done yet?" She growls at him.

The EMT looks at her in surprise and confusion.

Jane looks past him into the ambulance, "Do you have a shower or a toothbrush back there?"

Korsak chuckles and Maura laughs heartily, "Jane. You're incorrigible."

"It's practically a police emergency." Jane says with a serious shrug

"You have no patience Jane."

"You're absolutely right Maura. You said it wouldn't take long...and I am dying to kiss you."

Maura's eye's sparkle, "Well we can't have you dying now, can we?" she tugs Jane's arm pulling her closer.

"No we can't." Jane replies and closes the distance between them completely.

The moment their lips meet she can hear an outbreak of cheering behind her. She feels Maura smile and she can't help but blush.

* * *

The End


End file.
